But then the brits would not call it a tea, right? It would be an infusion or something similar.

Oh no, tea is tea.

All tea is a type of infusion. It doesn't matter what of. Its a verb really. Describes the method rather than the plant.

Because the preference in Britain leans greatly toward black tea leaves with milk, if you say 'want a cup of tea?' That's what's expected to appear.

But we call other types of infusions mint tea or herbal tea.

I absolutley adore Morrocan mint tea. I can't make it here though, even though I bought the dried stuff in Marrakech and I grow fresh mint to add to it. There's a knack to it that escapes me.

I especially like the tea culture, of taking your time over a pot, which still persists in those countries, but which we've lost here.

When my mum was a little girl, all cups of tea were the result of loose leaf tea, in a teapot, kept warm with a tea cosy while it was given the proper amount of time to draw. Milk in the cup first.

I do that sometimes. On a very unusual Sunday. Usually its a teabag in a mug stirred clockwise then anti clockwise then milk dunked in. Boiling hot water of course. I still have some standards.

Then out come the chocolate digestives for dunking! Better than ice cream.

i one put a dab of cream from a lamington in my tea. turned out it was mock cream. tea immediately poured down sink. nothing worse than a dollop of congealed uck floating in your teacup!

You foreigners are funny with your chocolate and mock cream and your cuppas. Love it!!

Low points are really odd things in Plan B.

I can see one coming a mile away now. They don't even feel very sad for most of it.

I stay up a lot later, not wanting to go to bed or falling asleep on the couch. I eat junk food and go mad for chocolate. My fairly poor housekeeping, which improved after Plan A, gets laxer than ever before. Funnily enough it doesn't affect my work, even though I've had enough of the job.

This low point has been running on for about two weeks and it's annoyed me, because a session of tears usually ends it, but there've been no sign of tears.

I cried a little today, though. I remembered a time when I sat him down and asked him why he wasn't spending time with me. I asked him if I was boring. He spent ages reassuring me, but did nothing afterwards to spend more time with me. He allowed me to carry on believing I was unloveable to 'spare' me from the truth.

I only got misty for about a minute. Not even enough to mess up my mascara. Then on the way home I stopped for McDonalds. I do get a bit more 'junk foody' when I work the weekend, but I think its because my low point is not over.

I think you can be a bit too strong in Plan B and that's my problem. It's just the way I'm made. My mother has been complaining about it for years. She says she knows I'm upset before I do.

Because of that, I can make decisions without my feelings hindering me, but I also suck at grieving. I shouldn't have to watch out for these little signs.

But then its probably the same for everyone. It takes time for things to come to the surface and to be processed. Otherwise all BSs would be doing great one week after Dday.

So I have lots to divert me anyway. I need to figure out how to pack for India in October lightly enough to carry everything on my back but still leave room for my GHDs. I've tried a few 'au naturel' hair dos for work this week and I was utterly miserable! Hey perhaps that explains the low point.

My economising has been going well. I spend much less now and can't believe I didn't do this years ago. Much easier when you only have yourself to please though.

I'm also preparing for a 1940s ball for a friends birthday in September. I got a great wine colored dress with a deep back v at a swap party and I've bought a little capelet shrug to go over it. Silver peep toe sandals and vintage earrings. Now I just have to figure out the hair. 40s hair looks difficult!

Next saturday will be a bit of an energetic one, so I'd better get out of my low point. We have all gotten seriously unfit since pledging to hike up ben nevis, so were doing some hill walking. Then we're going out dancing!

I was in the pub with one of my fellow hikers last night. She told me not to let people bully me into dating because she thinks its been seriously good for me. She said I've never looked as happy as I do right now...

So I suppose one year in, my low points aren't so low as they once were. They are annoying and I wish they would go away... But sometimes unpleasant things and experiences are good for us in a way we can't anticipate..

Thanks so much for your transparency Indie. Low points are a part of Plan B that can't be ignored or covered up. It's quite encouraging to me to read that a MB whom I hold in high regard struggles with feelings similar to mine. I feel somewhat validated, you know? That it's okay when I have those low points as long as I'm working through them. I see that I'm not alone or a "special case".
Very wise words Indie. You articulate your thoughts so clearly and beautifully.

Thank you, Whip that means a lot.

The whole point of my 'blogging' one year into Plan B is to show other Plan Bers what's coming.

While the last year has been SO WONDERFUL and freeing, I am actually considering ADs, having never taken them up to this point.

In the past, the low points, while awful, were healed with tears and were very short lived.

The tears all seem gone now, and while what's left isn't painful at all, it doesn't seem too healthy right now.

It's been about three weeks now of having no 'va va voom' at all. For no apparent reason. I find myself on the couch at odd hours in the morning eating crap. My house looks like it's been stirred with a stick. Everything takes much more effort than it should and I don't see any sign of tears, which would usually end the low point.

I'm having fun when I see friends and I can 'rise' to occasions. I can muster up energy to whip up a clean up, or do something that's been pressing but then I am wiped out.

I am not sleeping properly and that's something I nag so many other people to sort out.

I think maybe the time has come.

Have you tried working out?
Aggressively of course, that seems to put the chemicals that address depression in balance and of course, will help with sleeping too.

Yeah I hear ya

oh yes, indie, i'm so glad you keep posting so that others can follow along.

a three week period when you're blue, house is a mess, and you're eating rubbish? sounds like someone shouldn't have given up ADs? maybe, do you think?

ps: i am very jealous of your wine-coloured dress! i am wearing chocolate brown to the ball, but i wish it were a smaller size :O) had to have some decorative tulle put in the bustline - i love the sweetheart neckline, but my massive boobs are too much for a boy's ball! last year i stayed covered up in a wrap, but boy, did i sweat! no wrap this year. man, i wish i could sew better too.

chin up, girl. it's the weekend, it's summer, and you're a year into pb and *safe.* (i know, when you're blue it's like none of that matters :O(

Indie, I love that you keep blogging. Just when I start to think "am I the only Plan B'er thinking / feeling this?", you come along and share that no, I am not.

Maybe on your thread I should just post "ditto".

I have also started thinking again about AD's, having not taken any up to this point. My energy is flagging. I am doing really well with work, but come 2pm each afternoon, I look and feel whacked. So much so that people comment, and I am now full-time, so they notice more.

My sleeping has not recovered yet. I have been thinking for a while, I need to get myself to a doctor.

And my cleanliness... I have always been a bit of a fanatic, but not any more.

On a plus side, I stress a lot less about the little things and have eased up on myself a lot in Plan B.

You'll know if the time has come. Speak with a doctor and see what they have to say.

And please keep blogging. You help us other Plan B'ers feel normal!

Well I had another 'mini' cry today. Very unusual. All the other Plan B low points have been v short and concluded with a big weepy session.

This one is ekeing out, like a dripping tap. I don't feel blue or sad at all though. Just feel like there is a pressure to be relieved. Like I don't have enough fuel.

I got some energy back after the first mini cry so I am hoping to see some more arrive.

It better. I'm going on a hike tomorrow then danging all night.

The mini cry was prompted by thoughts of attempting recovery. It would worry so many people who love me. People who shouldn't have to fear for me. The new life, and my present life, doesn't doesn't upset me at all. That's all good.

I wonder if I don't have anything left to cry about in the past. Maybe I'm all cried out there.

I very rarely cry now. Actually, I can't remember the last cry. Occasionally, I get a few tears well up, but they don't seem to come out anymore.

This, from the Plan B'er who initially sobbed for HOURS on end. I wish I was kidding.

Crying takes a lot of energy. I notice my energy is low. I don't think I have the energy for big weepy sessions anymore. I now have the control to be able to spend this energy more wisely.


I hope you mean dancing Cause danging I just ain't familiar with! Have a good hike / dang tomorrow indie!

I wonder this sometimes too. For me, underneath it all, I still have a lot of emotions. I know this whenever I think I have the D papers in hand. No matter how prepared I am, I KNOW there will be tears with this. Part of the natural grief process that should accompany D... unless wayward.

Yeah Gurls, your part of this family, and you don't get out thateasy

At first when you realize the potential in the heartache/freedom of the exposed adultry, ppl are in that state of shock and awe that also comes with it's rollercoaster of highs and lows

When I was suggesting aggressive working out as an application it was more than normal good idea, it also gets us back in the fight.

Yeah, Go from, "How can they do this to me?", to "Screw those losers" until your back in fighting form again and you enjoy the workout. This also takes time and discipline

Maybe I'm dead wrong and its allready part of your routine.aube your all ready for the olympics, but from what I know the chemical changes of ceratonin from excercise and diet are the better choice than anti DS

Anti DS do help some ppl and not ruling them out as an option, but to me, a mock punching them sqaurly in the nose and the confidence and chemical boost from working off that aggression gets to the heart of the depression

Having had my share of depression I realized it was frustration turned to anger within much of the time

Don't let the buggers get ya down. This takes time to heal

Indie, thanks for still posting. It is really helpful to see, and allows us to remain a community through this horrifying experience! If there weren't long term plan B'ers on here, posting regularly, I probably would have drifted off and I need the advice and support on here for my personal recovery. I think it benefits us all.

I think it's interesting that you identify what thoughts are triggering this down period (attempting recovery) and yet you only share how others would react to that. How would YOU react at this point if there were serious repentance on the part of your WH? How high are your standards? Are you worried they are too high, too low?

About anti-depressants. I've been on Zoloft for about 7 months now. I've found them helpful in keeping me even tempered (mostly!), in keeping me clear thinking, and in letting me have time to process things before I react. But one problem I have is exactly what you describe...feeling like you need to get a good cry out but not being able to get over the edge. It's as if it's just suppressed my depressed feelings rather than eliminated them, so in some ways I feel it makes it harder to process through the sadness. And that is a stage of grief. But I'm definitely positive about them overall, especially with my kids, because it keeps me together a lot more than I'd be otherwise, and I notice a change if I ever forget to take them, and at this point, it's not a change for the good.

Hang in there, and realize all your feelings are valid: the wistful ones, the mourning ones, the angry ones, the hopeless ones, the hopeful ones, etc.

Yes Caracal, I did mean dancing! Don't use that dancy icon, though. You know you have the power to make it rain in the UK when you do that, and we've already had the wettest June on record in the UK since records began in 1910!

You need to concentrate your powers more over London than here in the North West, but try not to cause too much flooding.

For the first time in my life I spent more than five quid on an umbrella this spring. I bought a �38 Lulu Guiness umbrella clear dome plastic one (It's practically a tent) with big red roses curling all over it. I know how much rain depresses me (It's all making sense now, isn't it?)
and I wanted something pretty to look at on rainy days and to keep myself dry.

There have been gale force winds too that would have destoyed a cheaper umbrella.

My mother accuses me of supernatural powers and somehow knowing how bad this summer was going to be!

CP = I think you're right that exercise will do a lot. I think tomorrow will help some, and maybe that will give me the motivation to build on that and be a bit more regularly and aggresively active. Lately Ive felt like I would rather eat my own eye than work out. But I like doing sociable things like hiking and dancing.



Oh they're super duper high. I have zero interest in recovering because my life has been so much better in Plan B. I would hear him out but he would need to be incredibly impressive to get my attention. I would only give him a hearing out of respect for the fact we are married. And I would need to see.... oh I dont know something that reminds me of the grace and dignity of FWSs on this forum. He would have to blow me away. I've told my IM that I am not to be bothered with any messages after the divorce is final. After that I don't care, no matter how repentant he would be.

Just got an email from solicitor.

Date for my Decree Nisi is July 25. I can apply for the Decree Absolute just six weeks later and I'll be divorced, as long as financial stuff doesn't hold it up.

It's real. Got all weird and shaky, but ultimately, I'm relieved an end is in sight.

to you, my friend.

Grats I guess, although it really should be a hug girl.

( this is the part when the Gurls start hitting the boys and saying, "You men just don't understand")

But I would like to think we understand one thing as men, and that is honor

He is the loser, The man is never supposed to be the quitter, or lie to manipulate female emotions, or soil his own countenance by giving into his weaker nature of his ego and fantasies

What kind, if one at all, is a man like that? Yes a soft one, a softlad

Yeah he doesn't deserve ya, and the sooner you put this behind you the better, because this one does not have the pair to really love and be accountable to love either.

You as many others here will rise above and transcend this blip on the radar of a great life

He will still be justifying his betrayal for years to come, the poor thing

Thanks for the hugs peeps. You know I carry you all around in my pocket for strength.


I love this!