Glad you are going to the south. It always amazes me that people skip it. It's the best part of the country....but then I'm biased.

Yes I've been wondering how you came by your name? Do you have any tips for me?

Indie,

Do you think one of the sunlight lamps would help your mood?

Glad to hear you're doing good, most of the time.

Steph

forewarning......India is a trigger for me (the OW in my case is from the southern Tamil area)....but.....I will refuse to let one person ruin a place with culture and many good people for me. K?

Can't wait to hear about your trip once you have been!

Sorry for the side trip down CPs memorylane, I cut it off before I could fully splain all of my thoughts, but it really would need it's own thread anyway.. Lol

Your last statement, about thanking " A dark plan B for your aloofness", is a testimony to it's value to anyone who realizes they have sacrificed thier life in vain.

But yet the finishing observation we must all share, is our heart and intentions during it all, that are held up by something higher than plans and statistics, yes even mans best efforts at rising above, and our sacrifices

Have a wonderful vacation Indie

Indiegirl, would you mind checking on movingonward's thread? She needs to get into Plan B but is having housing issues.

Thanks

Sure.


Anyone know which book is the best gift for an engaged couple? Not sure whether it should by HNHN or FILSIL. I have only read SAA and Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders. HNHN has the sub title 'How to Build an Affair Proof Marriage' A concept I am sure both of them, complete strangers to MB, would find ridiculous and off putting.

However maybe they just need to get over it! LOL, I've become so preachy.

I would go FILSIL for engagement. Introduce them to Dr H, without confrontation.

And move up a notch for the wedding.

There is actually a book fro engaged couples.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6012_iprom.html

I know a couple getting married in a few weeks and I am planning to get them "The Four Gifts of Love" by Dr Harley. It seemed to cover a lot. It's not available on here anymore but I found it elsewhere.

~RQ

Yes forewarned is forearmed

It is easy to expect protection from your fianc�, and it is right to not rock the boat, but to deny that there are influences out there wishing to attack us is just foolish

If they are truly mature enough to enter into marriage, arm them with the tools they will need

My family is from there, so it's obviously a bit of a different experience for me than most.

That said, you MUST do a tour of the Kerala backwaters on a houseboat. You can go for 1 or more nights. Absolutely stunning. I went on a very small boat - just hubby and me, but there are larger ones. The captain was also the chef, and a very good one too!

The cape at the southern tip of India is pretty incredible.

Old Fort Cochin is a very interesting city. It has a Jewish quarter that is remarkable.

Goa is great too, of course, but I haven't spent much time there. Kerala is a bit less touristy, so it all depends what you're looking for.

I started to have a few new feelings of 'what if?' about the D today. I never have before - from start to finish I had my mind made up that I would have to see repentance within the first six months of Plan B, or I wasn�t too interested in recovery. That position never really wavered. The six month mark is when I became more interested in proceeding full steam ahead on the D.

I KNOW I will recover
I KNOW I can create a great marriage with someone else
I KNOW he doesn�t particularly offer anything special apart from history.
I KNOW he had a history of lying, if not infidelity, before the A.
We don�t have a family. What would I be trying to save?

But I just had a bit of a 'what if' moment today. What if he reaches that point, that point of repentance Waywards sometimes reach?

Though I never indulge any talk of 'I' or 'my pain' from Waywards here who've hit rock bottom, I think a wayward's pain at that point is very real. There is no greater pain than knowing you have done something awful and lost something great.

I don�t think he has anything particularly special to offer me. I don�t think there is any point in hanging around..

But the idea of him being broken with remorse and alone.. It affects me. It just does.

I had to get some privacy at work when the vision came into my head. I saw his face, his expression. It was very upsetting.

The crazy thing is, I don�t miss him, or feel much love for him at all. I wasn�t crying for myself. I was crying for HIM!

How nutso is that? I suppose after so long together though, I can afford a little sorrow at the idea of his demise. It's a farewell weep. Probably because the D is so soon and I feel my mind is made up. These feelings of 'potential' sorrow for him aren�t enough to make me do anything differently. I have chosen my path, not just for survival but for happiness.

But I suppose that's why I want a permanent Plan B. So I won't have to see his consequences when he earns them.

It isn't nutso and you are normal.

He isn't allllllll bad. (lol)

Nah Indie, that's normal, and feeling pain is normal, even when it is for Him, about him, and all that he will experience for consequences.

I remember a nurse in the hospital telling me about how when people are addicted, either to drugs from choice, or because of drugs taken due to sickness,(In my case my wife had both cases), how the ones who suffer are the ones who feel the pain.

The drugged up people don't feel anything, by choice or by design of the medication, which of course is also by choice, but taken with the object being that they understand the consequences.

You know where I am going with this, it is about our choices, and the strong know the consequences, and the brave go on anyways while they still are scared. That's the real definition of courage.

Yeah that's why it is good that you don't want to be there when he finally gets it, even though you understand it, he will have to understand it alone.

Still feeling for him? That's normal as reading said.

This seems like a good day for a Plan B update, it would have been our 11th wedding anniversary today.

Its snuck up on me. I glanced at the date a few times on the calender earlier in the year. Then I forgot about it. Then I remembered this afternoon.

I'm pretty glad Friday has rolled around. That seems to be the extent of my feeling about the day. Which would sound super weird to an earlier Plan B me.

Particularly since the divorce Decree Nisi was rubber stamped this week. This means I can finalise in six weeks.

I'm EXCITED. About my new life. Though I know he could take another year to hit his rock bottom, and I feel sorry for him, I'm too busy being excited for me.

Was having dinner with friends last night and one wanted help with deciding on some of her online matches. It was fun helping her date. It was fun realising there are nice men out there and good times to be had.

Work has gotten a lot of free time off me this week. But for once I don't care. Its a story that really affects peoples' lives, will be really helped toward a solution by publicity and I get to name and shame nasty, greedy people.

Still the job is not usually rewarding and I need a better work life balance. I've just applied for a great job. Its a lot like many of the others I've applied for and not gotten. But your luck has to change sometime, right?

As always love your updates.

Thanks for sharing

I think it is your determination that will pay off in the end Indie... but still, good luck on the job!

So, so very aggravated!

Guess who has finally figured out that he is blocked and so has changed his email address and emailed me at work. I did screw up and read it. Should have deleted it unread.

Hi Indie,

Just a quick one as you may not even read regardless.

Just wanted to say I'm sending my thought's today and I hope you're well.

Softlad.


WTF!!

Does he really think that's the level of effort that will get a response from me? Oooh you changed your email. I bet that took you all night and a lot of soul searching.

What a pleb.

Note how he cant write two pars without gaslighting me.

It's just a quick one, i.e. there WOULD be more, if it wasn't for ME. My behaviour in notdictates how eloquent he is and his behaviour apparently.

He can't be bothered putting in much effort in case I don't read it.

If only I was more reasonable and read his messages! Then I would hear all the wisdom he can't be bothered to share right now.....