I read the above link about No contact and listened to the audios posted above. Thank your for your continued help. It's very, very much appreciated. I can't believe I became this person and do NOT want to be that horrible, sinful liar.

Adeaton,

Are you going to write a no contact letter that is approved and mailed by your BH?

What are you doing to ENSURE no contact? What changes have you made to your contact information to ensure this?

How has your BH been responding to this recent admission? What are you doing to work through this? What steps are you taking?

Your blanket statements lead me to believe that you did NOT give all information to your BH, that you are NOT planning to cut off contact with your OM, that you want your cake and want to eat it to.

What ACTIONS have you taken since your words mean nothing?

That's great. And you don't have to be. But the path to recovery from being a horrible, sinful liar is very, very narrow and includes much action and little talk. So what actions are you taking to heal your victims and work on recovery?

I've given my BH the phone number to OM for him to call if he wants to and told BH I'd write the letter. He said for me to just not talk or text him any more.
I've taken the passcode off my phone and am not on it 24/7 like before. Instead, I'm very available to my BH and family. Also, I'm reading The Purpose Driven Life and am going to get my life back on track. I will be the wife my BH deserves.
Since I deleted my facebook before when talking to OM so he wouldn't find out my marriage status, I've actually reactivated my facebook so the world can see.

Here.
No Contact Letter Samples

Do not tell him you're going to do it. Do it. Write it and give it to your BH to read and approve.

Also you need to get rid of facebook or have a joint facebook with BH.

Block him ! You do not want him contacting you. You can block him out completely, do so.

Many people here are much more informed of the MB program than me, so take thier advice. I have not seen or heard of anything from MB that is contrary to my spiritual or moral beliefs. I don't know you or you me, but I honestly wish you the best. You MUST correct your wrong though, it simply cannot continue. When I said look back and see the dead and dying, you can help the dying. Do So !

FAcebook is a breeding ground for affairs, so it is best to just delete it. Protecting your marriage is much more important than having a facebook page.


Are you hoping the OM sees it?

Do you see my point? It is better to just delete it. Lots of people with "married" on their status cheat and are able to find people to cheat with them. Putting married on your facebook page will not prevent an affair.

Very miserable

What are you going to do about it?

You can work towards happiness, but the hard work comes first.

Breaking an addiction is very difficult.

Have you broke from your OM?

YOUR whole world already knew you were married, so reactivating FB is doing nothing but opening a possible avenue of contact with OM. Shut your FB account down. Completely. Don't just deactivate it. There is a two-week process involved in permanently cancelling your FB account. Do it.

You also need to cut out any other social networking site you may be on. How did you meet OM? You said it was online - where online? It sounds like you are very active on the internet. That needs to stop. Every time you are on the internet you will be triggered and will find yourself looking for OM again.

Can you ask your husband to come here? There are suggestions we can give him to help him feel safe with you until you are completely defogged and on board with the program.

Did you change your cell phone number? Have you told your family members the truth about OM and instructed them to turn him away if he contacts them, looking for you? "OM, Adeation is a married woman who is trying to recover her marriage after this affair with you. I will not give you any contact information about her because that will endanger her marriage. Goodbye."

How so? Because you are riddled with guilt over the damage and pain you have caused your husband and marriage? Or because you miss OM? Please expand on this.

Miserable because of missing OM terribly bad,
My number's changed and Facebook is closed.

ok, adeaton, that is to be expected. you are going through withdrawal from your drug of choice (OM). the way to cope with it is to busy yourself away from how you would contact him (computer?) do something outside with your family. do something with your H you both like. *can* you get your H to post here? it is going to be very hard for him to cope w/your withdrawal.

You know what you need to do, right? Get up off your self-pitying butt and make a date with your husband. Pick a nice place for dinner. YOU make the reservations. Go shopping. For your husband. Help him pick out a nice shirt. Or tie. Shoes. Whatever. Go for ice cream afterward. Go to Redbox and pick out a funny movie. NO mushy romance-crap movies.

See what you'll be doing? Overlaying whiny, selfish, oh-woe-is-me-my-poor-widdle-heart-is-broken-over-a-fantasy with the reality of having a good time with the man you vowed to cherish. Get your butt up and go cherish that man, and stop with the wwwaaaa crap.

And I'm not being mean to you. Just direct. Now get off your [censored] and do it.

And I don't want to hear that your FB is 'closed'. I want to hear that you've cancelled it. Tell me how you 'closed' your FB account.

We've gone away for the weekend and had several dates. Should I just leave?
Facebook is deactivated. We met on an iphone game.

Adeaton, I feel like you don't respond to or answer many of the posts on here.

Marriage Builders is a way for you to have an amazing marriage. But YOU need to do the work. You came here seeking help and there have been posters trying to help you. You do not give much information and pick and choose what you want, to seemingly read, act on, or even respond to.

Get serious about this. You will lose your H completely or at the very least live a miserable marital existence without it.

Now, why would you leave?

Since you met using an iphone game, what extraordinary precautions have you taken to not allow any kind of contact on your phone. Changed your number? Blocked OM's number? Disconnected any ability to play games on your phone? Gotten a new phone without the same abilities?

Did your BH ever contact the OM? Does the OM now know you are married?

EVEN IF your BH does not want to require you to write a NC letter, REQUIRE IT OF YOURSELF. It's YOUR job to fix this. If your BH is not going to set the bar high, YOU need to.

Taking the passcode off your phone will not do anything to help with no contact. If OM has not even received a no contact letter, he will likely attempt to contact you to find out why you are not talking to him anymore. Has this happened? Have you maintained no contact since telling your BH? You not being on your phone 24/7 also means nothing. If you are on it 1 minute, and it is with your OM, that is still contact.

Have you read Surviving an Affair, by Dr Harley? That is the book you need to be reading. I haven't read a Purpose Driven Life, but I do not believe it is about recovering marriages after affairs, based on a professionals opinion after doing just that for 30 yrs.