Melo,

FWIW: in my case, OM did not have a FB account, etc., so I went old school and mailed letters by certified mail to OMs employers, family, etc.

It worked just as well, I believe.

DO NOT stop -- expose!

Got it thank you. I don't know what's up with FB...I've confirmed that some have gone out but most are getting the error message. I wouldn't think it has anything to do with them not being friends of mine or even friends of my friends but I wondered that. Possibly FB has some new policy for new members, but I'm trying(slowly).

For those that don't, a letter is coming their way, with a picture of my family. I got nothing but time.

It was recommended to me to send 'snail-mail' certified, and it was a great idea as I had a record of who/when/where the exposure letters were received.

Keep up the good work!

They are going out, however painful and time consuming it is. Received 1 vote for support so far, I'll take it!

Melo,

To be fair, please know I didn't do the greatest job exposing...I, regretfully, really stumbled into it -- what a mistake!

However, when I sent the letters out, they hit the OMs employers (the hospital chief, union head, and general contractor), OMs mother, brother, and sister all on the same day....when that 'bomb' exploded...let's just say it brought clarity to my situation, and ended my W's cake-eating.

It was very powerful...but, honestly, took me some time to look back in hindsight and realize THAT was the moment the affair died. Instantly? possibly. But that was CLEARLY the deathknell for it (the PA had ended some time before, but the 'can't we just be friends' contact remained).

I don't regret exposing; I DO regret being such an idiot and not listening to the vets sooner and dragging my feet for 3 months before I exposed.

Good luck.

Thanks helpfordad, I am in the exact same boat. I had the opportunity to do this when I first arrived here 3 months ago and chickened out, made excuses, thought it wouldn't work, etc. Things could have likely worked out very differently than the current situation I am in. I will hopefully knock the rest of these out tomorrow and know that I did everything I could to save my M.

My main concern is OM has no family that I'm aware of, only a mother, so not sure what impact this will all have. Not a lot of friends either but will do the best I can and hope it makes an impact. I've reached out to WW family members as well and close friends. I can't worry about the number of people I guess, just home someone steps up.

Any and all contacts -- no matter the number -- on both sides.

That's family, friends, acquaintances, children, employers -- on both sides.

Any and all!!!

Melo12,

My main concern is OM has no family that I'm aware of

Everyone has their reputation as a virtual family member, and in spite of apparent indifference most people want to maintain some degree of respectability in the eyes of others.

I have yet to run into a man who brags about having an affair except to a very close circle of friends, and the implied agreement is that it is a mens club secret. I've met a number of women who confessed a past affair to me, but it was only with great regret. The greatest likelyhood is that OM will care about the exposure and will overestimate it's effect on his life. Can you expose to his workplace?

God Bless
Gamma

He owns his own business. Some of his FB contacts are clients of his. Expose? Don't know why I'm nervous on this one.

I WILL have this completed by tomorrow, snail mail, FB, pigeons, whatever it takes.

Melo12,

He owns his own business. Some of his FB contacts are clients of his. Expose? Don't know why I'm nervous on this one.

After OM attacked your family he lost his right to be treated as a member of civil society. Can you say generally what business he is in, in addition to being a dirt bag that is.

God Bless
Gamma

Let's just say it deals with death and leave it at that. I just know I'm going to hear from WW and possibly OMW that I've affected and brought down his business, blah, blah, blah. Guess what, you f'd up my head for life and risked my job since I've been a mess for the past 6 months! Think I just talked myself into it.

And of course you will remind them that if that hound dog hadn't been dinking your wife, his business would be moving along quite nicely.

Melo12,

" Let's just say it deals with death and leave it at that. I just know I'm going to hear from WW and possibly OMW that I've affected and brought down his business, blah, blah, blah. Guess what, you f'd up my head for life and risked my job since I've been a mess for the past 6 months! Think I just talked myself into it."

I'm guessing funeral director.....


dan

Exactly! Of course this is all common sense, but know this is all going to be fault which I'm so sick of hearing. The fallout will begin in the next 48 hours as it is done. Had to go old school as FB has locked me down. Thought it was only for 24 hours but still no luck.

I just hope this shakes things up; concerned that neither side has enough contacts to make an impact. My WW contacts (family) has yet to respond from when I exposed to them 3 months ago, so they got another message as well. Big sigh.

OMW reached out to me rather upset about this, that I further caused her pain and embarrassment by exposing; some of his FB friends were more of her friends. I told her why I exposed and it wasn't meant to hurt/embarrass her. I do not regret exposing but feel bad if I caused her more pain since we are both innocent victims in all of his.

I'm out of town and my WW sent me an extremely long text. Nothing upsetting, except for the fact that she "fell in love with him" and I'm simply obsessed with anger and bent on destroying OM. I know that I've lost her but a question for the vets, if I get little or no reaction....does this mean it didn't work? Or is this for long term, meaning they will face a lifetime of scrutiny. My ONLY interest at this point is keeping him away from my kids.

Melo, the exposure worked if you exposed, because no matter the reaction, others will know about his affair. That alone causes conflict and embarrassment for the affairees. Just think, if the OM ever tries to take your WW around his friends, they will all KNOW. The women will likely treat your wife like a pariah for her part in breaking up his marriage and hurting the OMW.

The more conflict you cause in the affair, the faster the affair will die.

Feel badly for the OMW, but her pain was caused by her sleazy husband's affair. All you did was expose truth.

Also can you direct the OMW here?

So it has blown up more. My WW is saying that I am self destructing and opening myself up to harassment, and since I am so out of control I am "not allowed" to come home.

OMW sent me a very upsetting email asking exactly who I sent it to so that she can do damage control. Thus far I'm ignoring all involved since I am not home but looking for suggestions on addressing OMW. She feels I only should have involved WW side, not her friends as she only wants to heal and move on.

I really look forward to the day I can post here and say this has worked!!

Melo, your exposure has been effective, it has made them feel uncomfortable, your WW response is fogbabble. You are fighting for your marriage not self destructing. The threat of harrassment is an attempt to get you to stop and keep quiet about the A, they don't want any interference.

OMW doesn't have the benefit of MB and the understanding of exposure. She is feeling the pain and believes "damage control" will protect her WH. She doesn't understand she is enabling the A. Maybe you could direct her to MB so we can help her.