I'm going to go back to living how I was, need an iron clad IM, not an IM like I had before to plan B. That's the biggie, I need to find one ASAP.

She's not married. I saw FB pics tagged w the people's names I sent those letters to, so I don't think that mattered either more than annoyance at the time.

I'd be willing if you need one. I have not been an IM before so you may prefer someone else. But I have used one and I know what it entails. Just let me know

~RQ

Moving,

RQ would be fantastic. Thanks RQ.

RQ I would very much appreciate it. I will message you. Thank you.

moving,

You have to go through the MODS. So hit notify and tell them you'd like to exchange email for IM purposes and RQ will do the same.

I'll keep an eye out for the notification. Happy to pay it forward

Thanks so much, I requested it.

Is it normal, I feel worse than d-day. This feels so final, and maybe that's needed by now, but I cannot stop crying. I went to work late bc I didn't sleep until 4 am, and I've cried all day at work. Literally. My boss, who wouldn't notice if an anvil fell on his head and would just keep working through it, actually asked if I was ok and maybe I didn't need to stay today. The other day I asked him if he'd noticed anything about my behavior after this all started, and he said no (he called me literally as I found out about the affair from the email I found and I embarrassingly blurted out that my husband had an affair w a bartender - so mortifying, so he knows about what happened). So all those other days he didn't notice anything, but today, he did. I'm nervous about that now.

You will feel so much better back in Plan B. Is he out of the house?

I do not know, I haven't been there and won't be there until early next week.
I didn't see that he took his overnight bag or any suitcase when he left in the morning for work, so I'm guessing not yet.

Where are you staying?

Well, when I was in plan B before I was staying with my friend half the time and my parents the other half. I'm staying with my friend this weekend. But if he is not going to stay at the house, I'll stay there. Just depends. I know Wednesdays and Saturdays he'll be at the house regardless as those are nights she works and he needs "time to himself with his stuff around" so those nights I will not be at the house.
Why he doesn't just move with her I don't understand. He says he isnt certain if their relationship will work out, but if their relationship is enough to destroy a marriage, why does he need his own space and stuff 2 nights a week when she works? I asked him if now he was moving w her and he said "why would I, this is my house too, I live here".
I know I cannot believe what he says, just continually seems insane to me.

Nope, nope, nope. In this Plan B he should not be allowed to share your home. He won't need to be there Wednesdays and saturdays because his stuff won't be there.

He needs to see what live without you will be like. Life without the amazing Movingonward doesn't mean he comes and goes as he pleases, helping himself to her food in the fridge and watching her tv.

You need to change your locks. You need to write that Plan B letter that will spell that out will include who your IM is and leave it outside along with all of his stuff. Plan B means his cake eating is done. Dealing with his insanity is done. and your peace and personal recovery begins.

~RQ

The issue is, if he's not staying there at all, he won't pay for anything. I have to have him pay for half of things. My lawyer said of course we can file for him to force him to pay, but it will take time w a judge and by then my credit will suffer. My parents are already paying for the divorce and a lot of my food, I cannot ask for more.
He already told me he doesn't care about the house or his credit, it's just a place where his stuff is and he's just trying to be nice by paying bills.
I know he's telling the truth too, for yrshe had 1000s of dollars of parking tickets that didn't get paid off until I helped him apply for a payment plan and ensured they were paid on time. I worked w him to call credit agencies to improve his credit score...he would just laugh when creditors called for things he didn't pay for prior to the marriage. It was like a game his friends laughed at, he'd mock them when they called and try to see how long he'd keep them talking.
(I have no idea why these we not red flags to me, I guess I just thought he was young and would grow out of it, sooo stupid I know)

So I guess I can just divide the time between my parents and friend. It's just so exhausting and expensive, my parents are 1 hr 45 min away from work, and my friend is 1 hr away.

I have no friend that I could stay with in the area that I work. My two friends that live there both are w their parents saving money to buy houses. When they do, I can move w them, but not yet.

Is the house in both of your names? Isn't he legally obligated to pay for it?
Your other option is to find a small apt closer to your job that you can afford? I had to move out of my marital home with 4 kids in order to be in plan b. You do what you have to do to keep yourself safe

I have no money. In paying for my half of things for the house, some basic food, and driving back and forth, I have literally 50 dollars left over per pay period. I'm Trying to sell my car to get rid of the car payment, but it isn't that much. The house is in both of our names, and he is legally obligated, but my lawyer is saying it could be a month before he's forced after he stops paying, and by then I could be 2 months behind. We did apply for a loan modification, we are waiting to hear about that. The house is up for short-sale now, though we are not yet behind on payments.
Maybe I should ask my dad if they can just help if he does not pay.
Could they garner his wages to make him pay? Thats like what the IRS had to do to make him pay his past back taxes in 2010, they wiped out everything in our bank account to resolve it. I didn't know until I couldn't figure out why I couldn't pay for the car insurance.

I would ask mom and dad for help if you don't want the hit on your credit. I don't think you should let that keep you from Plan B.

You can't control him. You need plan B to protect yourself from him.

Well, having gone through the house stuff myself, a month wo.'t make much of a difference on your credit if that is how long your lawyer says it will take to get him to pay. In fact a few months won't hurt and like your realtor told you would help you modify or shortsale.

Movingonward, are you making excuses to us???

Maybe I am to a degree. Not to not talk to him, but to deal with more of his anger and then not have that money if I force him out.
Aside from that, I am really afraid of any tiny blip to my credit at all from anything, to be honest. I really feel like such a failure asking my parents for more at this point. I'd almost rather be miserable I think, it's an issue for me that my therapist is trying to work on, bc I've been paralyzed about not paying to move the short sale along for 2 months now.
My family has drilled how important the credit score is to me, and my lawyer is still telling me not to not pay the mortgage as well.
I'm just scared. And you're right, making excuses.

How much did your credit score suffer, if you don't mind me asking? How long was it?

My sitch with the house was different because we had included it in our bankruptcy. When I get your e-mail from the mods, I can give you more info.
You need to figure out what to do with the living situation because Plan B won't work with you sharing a house.

Keep us updated

Hey MO, how are you holding up? How was your weekend?

I wanted to let you know that I haven't gotten your info from the mods yet.

~RQ