How much your husband must love you to try and overcome this.

The poor man is so stunned and hurt he actually thinks you can be trusted! Well the Adeaton he married could be trusted. He clings to the old you.

Tell him: "I CANNOT BE TRUSTED. I CALLED THE OM. I HAVENT CHANGED MY NUMBER BECAUSE I WANT HIM TO CALL ME"

Use those EXACT words. Or show him this thread. Don't you dare tell him that lie you told us about it being 'over'. It is not over yet and you know it.

Then write out an NC letter written to OM and hand it to your husband. Tell him he can send to OM and you will change your number.

When you do these things we can start to take you seriously and help you.

Until you take action, you're an unrepentant adulterer and we can't help you.

Had you done this step, you would not have had the opportunity to start a new game, read OM's messages, and trigger yourself. You would likely not have contacted him again.

You didn't take this step because...well your not serious and your attitude is, if I can get away with it then I want to be able to do it if I have a weak moment. You didn't do it because you want to continue your affair, not be 'the best wife possible.'

If you truly do not want to lose your marriage, YOU will do what it takes to follow extraordinary precautions to prevent further cheating.

At this point, you need to go to your H and confess the TRUTH. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. There is NO DOUBT in my mind that he has received a major gaslighted trickle truth version. I doubt he even knows you had sex with OM, based on his seemingly flippant attitude towards this.

And if I were a remorseful spouse who wanted to be a better person I would sell that phone on ebay, and buy one that has absolutely NO INTERNET OR GAMING ABILITIES. And use the extra cash to take my HUSBAND out for dinner.

Oh yes do this.

full honesty including the sex and ongoing contact

Get rid of your phone and use the money to treat your husband better.

You will have to WORK HARD to make this up to him.

And you lied to us about changing your number. Start being HONEST.

I didn't lie about changing my number. I changed it but was dumb enough to call him again with my new number. I called AT&T and asked them to change it. There us a charge for it.
So, I'm just continuing my affair? You're probably right. I was pretty sure everything was done and thinking it was a relapse. You're right that I'm addicted bc OM is all I think about. I've got to buckle up and get over him.

BH is an amazing, wonderful man and doesn't deserve this. I think you're right in that he's thinking about the old me. I'll come clean and mail the no contact letter today.

Of course you are still continuing your affair. You go a few days without your 'drug' does not mean you were ever sober... it means you went a few days without your 'drug'.

A wise person asked me this question, "FindingFreedom, could it be that Satan is wearing a mask that looks just like your OM"? It haunts me still. You are being deceived, Adeaton. You are allowing yourself to be deceived.

Why would you want something that God does not want for you ?

To get out of this pit you climbed into, you have to go no-contact. You have already been told what extraordinary precautions you must take. As you can see by my sig line, I climbed back into the pit again and again. Just like you.

It seems you have too much time on your hands since you are a grown up woman and mother who is gaming all the time. Cut that out. Spend your time doing something worthwhile for your family. I have been cleaning houses. After robbing my family of time and money during my adultery, it feels great to be working hard to GIVE them something. It is humbling to clean up someone else's messes.

I had to reprogram the radio stations in my vehicle, get rid of some music I loved, and change my playlist to help me take my thoughts captive and get OM out of my head. Do you need to do that ??

I had to change my routine in order to replace it with a new routine to get OM out of my head. Go on a walk, take the kids to the library or the pool etc at the times when you would normally be catting around with that OM. Do you need to do that?

Yes, withdrawal sucks. But it doesn't last forever. When you start feeling better, you will see what you have done to your family. If your kids are like mine, they are afraid of you right now, Adeaton. They know you can't be trusted. Can't you see it in their eyes ? Can't you feel the distance ? When you start giving back to your family, you will start healing them. Won't it feel good to hear them say, "I'm glad you are my mama" ? Won't it feel good to hear your husband say, "I can see how hard you are working to be honorable".

You can do this. You CAN do this. You can DO this !!!

Thank you for that. I can feel the distance in my family, with me being all to blame. I've completely put the distance there. The Lord blessed me with healthy, wonderful kids and an amazing husband 14 years ago. If I put back into my family all that I've put into OM, then they'll be happier.
You guys are amazing with advice. You have so much wisdom and knowledge in ur words. Thank You for helping me pull my head out of my @ss and stop being so selfish.
Now, it's time to really do the no contact letter, confess my sins and get rid of this phone. Thank u again!

Adeaton,

I am a BS and judging by your responses so far, you do not appear ready for R. Not even close.


If my FWW gave me the scraps you are giving your BH now, I would have kicked her to the curb. Done.

I typically don't post to WS's as it angers me too much. However, you have children. They deserve better.

Words of wisdom? Listen to the vets. Answer their questions, which you are not. Do exactly what they say.

You are trickle truthing this forum and only giving 'bits' of what is going on.

You are on a pity party for yourself. Stop it. Now.

Grow up. Do what's right.

No!!!!!!!

Write it, show it to your husband and tell him it is best if HE mails it because you dont expect him to trust you to do such a thing. If he says he wont, ask him to come with you.

He cant believe anything you say any more so it is best if you SHOW him actions.


WRITE THIS AND ONLY THIS. Do not add any of your own words. Any sentimentality or words of love or farewell is totally inappropriate between two cheaters. Write this and show it to your husband.

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OM,

The relationship I had with you was thoughtless and cruel. It hurt many people, particularly my spouse, who did not deserve to be treated that way. I am committed to my marriage and determined to make up for all the hurt I've caused my family. I am going to work hard to be the best wife that he deserves.


Because of the terrible offense to my spouse and the damage I have done to our marriage, I am permanently ending all contact with you. Please respect my wish to regain my integrity, and to heal my family. Please also respect my wish that you not attempt to contact me in any way at any time.

My spouse has all the details of our relationship and he will also be told of any attempts at contact.

Sincerely,

Adeaton

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Tagged for future reference.

You what?

I want to be able to come back and read this post again. She sounds just like my wife.