Totally freaking out! I am married to my wife for 10 years and have three children. My wife approached me about three months ago and stated she wanted a divorce. From that point on its been a roller coaster. I'm trying to save it but the worst is trying to figure her out which I know is impossible. She is texting a guy from work constantly and has had he along with his daughter meet up with my kids on certain events. They also have done runs together. I get he is filling a void I am not. Don't think its physical yet.
We are trying mediation. Going okay so far. I think she's really conflicted about the whole thing. To listen to what she wants to accomplish she wants freedom states I'm over bearing etc. No way working full time and getting her own house along with three kids will she get what she wants. She has accused me of everything in my opinion to try to justify a divorce. Ex Sunday she stated she was going to her brother's but later admitted to looking at a house. My wife is totally over her head. She wants me to look at this house. She proceeds to ask me more questions about the house. Then she starts crying stated its not easy for her. She let me touch and even hug her. She asks me about therapy. Told her I need her to come and will go to any therapy place she wants. With episodes like this am I making head way or just had a moment that I just happen to be there.
also she has mood swings that makes u walk on egg shells. How much can a guy take. Getting to point where I almost want the divorce. Help

Samson, sorry you are here, but you will find many who understand your pain here. You will get good help here. What is the "another one" that your subject line refers to?

Read, read, read all the links that the vets send to you. You should start with Plan A. Be the person that any reasonable spouse would want to come home to. If there's no change after a few weeks, move to Plan B. Right now, she is cake eating. Polite requests for change and unconditional love only enable WS's. I know, because I have been there.

Welcome Samson and sorry for your pain.

Is this OM married? The first thing you do is expose their affair. Do not go along with a D if you don't want a D.

Read these. Exposure 101
Carrot and Stick of Plan A

He's divorced and judging by the states web site and his daughters age must have gotten divorced right after she was born

But ur trying to hold on to some one that doesn't want u

Another one refers to another divorce situation with the same issues as a lot of other people

Samson, Welcome to Marriage Builder, I am sorry for the pain that has brought you here, but know that you have found the right place for advice and support for personal and mrital recovery.

In Notable Posts you will find useful threads, particularly "Scotty's Thread for Newly Betrayed" and Pepperband's Notable Posts"

Anytime you have questions or need to vent please post, MB is a valuable lifeline during a time of emotional trauma.

Does he have facebook?

If you want to fight for your M then you need to expose this to those that may have influence over your WW including your children. Do not help hide her secret.

Here's another good read. Thread to help Newly Betrayed Spouses

The only reason she doesn't "want you" is because she has a new point of comparison. That new point of comparison, the other man, is NOT reality.

Right now, your wife is addicted to the feelings generated by this other man (OM). Dr H views affairs as an addiction. Start viewing your wife as an addict, it helps.

If your wife was an alcoholic, would you allow her to keep drinking? Would you enable her drinking by not telling those who care about her and might help her stop?

Or would you expose her actions in the hope that the reality of it might stop the behaviour?

Same goes for an affair. Read up on exposure. And do it. Ask us questions if you need to, but the longer you hesitate, the more entrenched the affair / addiction becomes.

And please post the ages of your children. And you and WW's age? The vets will want to know...

Along with is this your and your WW's first marriage?

Have confronted her also people know

First marriage
40 me
Her36
8
6
20 months

Yes Facebook

Me 40
Her 36
8
6
20 months

Also if I don't go along with mediation she will just get an attorney.

HOW do people know? Have you told them the truth? Or has WW spun her story of "how you make her SO unhappy and doesn't she deserve happiness?"

Even at the sake of her morals, her vows, her children, her family and yourself?

If it is her version people have been told, exposure is extra important. Tell people the TRUTH.

Copy and paste all of OM's FB friends into a safe file that WW can not access or find.

You will likely need this for exposure.

Don't quibble or hesitate. Do it now. As time goes by, you might want this and you don't want to regret not having it later. OM might make this list private if he gets nervous of you.

What country / state are you in?

And have YOU got an attorney. Have you gotten any legal advice whatsoever?

So far, it sounds as though WW is threatening, and you are simply agreeing to whatever she wants.

That won't kill the affair. It will kill your marriage though.

You need to follow the plans, and start to fight for your marriage.

Ct , consulted an attorney
her family and best friend knows about Lewis
Even if I do tell more people so what its just the victim
Theyll believe her anyway

She has checked out
Fighting a divorce is just going to get messy and exspenive
Still have three girls to raisw