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Anyone have experience with taking back their ex-spouse?
It's not that I'm seriously considering it, but I do think about it from time to time, mostly because I miss my kids.
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Joined: Jun 2008
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Nope, haven't done that. I do think it can work if the necessary changes occur, but it depends on a lot. I know if nothing changes you'll get the same results.
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Anyone have experience with taking back their ex-spouse?
It's not that I'm seriously considering it, but I do think about it from time to time, mostly because I miss my kids. Listen to this about remarriage to the ex. Radio clip on remarriage Segment #2
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Did she ever stop the affair? I've heard Dr. Harley relate at least one situation where the betrayed husband waited it out (with lots of help and antidepressants) in the marriage while the affair raged for a LONG time because the kids did terribly when he was gone (i.e, trouble in school, etc.)
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Is she offering herself for you to "take back"? Has she actually proposed a reconciliation? Is the choice yours to make?
If so, does she suggest that her behaviour towards you and other men will be any different this time?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Is she offering herself for you to "take back"? Has she actually proposed a reconciliation? Is the choice yours to make?
If so, does she suggest that her behaviour towards you and other men will be any different this time? Yes. Is she willing to implement EPs?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
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Is she offering herself for you to "take back"? Has she actually proposed a reconciliation? Is the choice yours to make?
If so, does she suggest that her behaviour towards you and other men will be any different this time? Yes. Is she willing to implement EPs? No. She has not. She hasn't said anything because I don't speak with her. But now that the affair is over, she has tried to reach out to me. I'm sure now that the narcissism is lifting she must feel horrible for what she's done, especially when she sees the boys crying every time I leave. Frankly, I don't know how she's able to live with herself. I like dating other women now. But to get my family back, I don't know...
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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How has she reached out to you? What did she say?
Have you read Surviving An Affair recently?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Yikes, I would run, not walk, away from a proven cheater. Think of it this way, since u enjoy dating now, would you consider dating a woman that didto her former spouse/bf what your xw did to you?
Me: BxH
Her: WxW
Daughter: 9yrs old
Too many D-Days to count, first was 7/16/07
Plan A 7/07 - 1/08
OC conceived 12/07, Born 9/08
D filed 9/08, Final 4/09
"The key is to see hardships as part of God's merciful plan." - Timothy Keller
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You miss your family. That's much different from missing your wife. You miss what was once, I assume, an environment of love and security and routine and normalcy. That environment was blown up when your xww had an affair. You can't put those pieces back together to re-create what you once had. Unfortunately, that's history now. If you were to reconcile, you'd create a new way of living. Are you willing to accept that? Do you love your ex-wife enough to do that? Do you love her at all or do you just miss your children so much you're dreaming about what you once had and want again? The problem with that is "dreaming" has nothing to do with reality. It sounds like if you could have more quality time with your childre, that might help a lot. I hope that happens for you and wish you the best of luck.
BW (me) - 57
XWH-54
2DSs- 16 and 17
Married 16 years
D-Day - 8/21/09
XWH moved out 10-9-09
Divorce Finalized 11-19-10
XWH moved 4 states away (on 11/22/10) to live with OW.
XWH married OW 1-15-11
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I think you should Plan B your ex wife
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You miss what was once, I assume, an environment of love and security and routine and normalcy. That environment was blown up when your xww had an affair. It sounds like your WXW is also missing that environment of love and security and routine and normalcy. That doesn't mean she actually misses YOU. How much time are you spending with your kids?
BH (me), age 30. Plan D final 1/1/13
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she must feel horrible for what she's done Probably not so much.  She may feel entitled to use you (again) to meet her needs .... until she has located another "need-filler". Don't go there.
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