The Original Thread


The link above is my background...so if you want to read to get a better picture of why I am here...well there it is.



Basically, H is unhappy and feels he was "too young" when he got married and that we(meaning he) grew apart. We have only been married two years, together 4. I am over 8 months pregnant...due with our first child any day now really.



He refuses counseling and tells me he wants me to move on with my life.


I guess I need to file, he hasn't yet...it's been over a month since he sent me to my mothers house.


Hoping to come here for more insight, maybe answers, and alot of support.

Wheredidhego, please stay on your original thread. It's difficult for posters to follow your sitch if you keep moving around. You shouldn't be posting in the divorcing forum. Actually, I would suggest that you notify the mods and ask them to move your original thread to Surviving an Affair. You'll get a lot of help there.

This is the last time I am moving around...because I am divorcing.

He has made it clear he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and he wants a divorce.

So I am in the process of filing...and I really don't know if he has had/ or is having an affair.

So I don't know if he has found someone else or is looking for someone else or if he just doesn't want responsibility of a wife and child anymore.

I just need support for my imminent divorce now.

Thanks for the reply though.

Ah, my apologies. I thought you were interested in saving your marriage.

Do you have any specific questions about your divorce? The posters in this forum have a wealth of hard-won knowledge and support to guide you through the process.

He has the responsibility of a child regardless of whether he wants to remain married or not. 18 more years of financial responsibility, whether he wants to give any emotional or physical effort toward that relationship. Protect yourself and your child.

Exactly. When will you see an attorney, WDHG? Hae you made an appointment? It's critical that you file to protect yourself and your child.

I really wanted to save my marriage but he just isnt in it anymore...for whatever reason...so I have just decided to let go.

I have met with a lawyer, and I am doing paper work. I am meeting my STBXH this Friday to discuss the parenting plan (he has told me he wants to be there for the baby, however he has only contacted me 3 times in the past month...only to talk to me about getting my stuff)

He knows I am filing and he doesnt care as long as I put irreconcilable differences(even though I practically begged him to try to work it out and I dont want this divorce really)

This is just a big mess. I am 37 weeks pregnant and dealing with all of this.

I agree that you need to file for separation in order to get financial support for yourself and your child. But if you don't want to divorce, why are you filing for divorce?

And don't let him dictate to you what the language of the divorce papers should be. Talk to your attorney about that. Your attorney can guide you and protect your interests better than a wayward husband.

I agree she did the right thing in filing for divorce. Her husband abandoned the marriage so there is nothing to save here. If something does happen and they end up reconciled, she can always drop the divorce. But if it doesn't, she will end up divorced, which would be a good thing in these circumstances.

I am sorry it didn't work out, wheredidhego.

Maritalbliss,

I am filing because he wants a divorce but won't take any action. He doesn't even know where to start probably.

He is out there and sitting in what used to be our house without his wedding ring doing God knows what with God knows who and I am sitting here in a small trailer with no furniture except a baby bed. I have no income. He sent me away with no money, transportation, technically homeless(Thank goodness for my parents), and a huge pregnant belly.

He hasnt offered me any help or a dime.

He isnt the man I married and I can't stay in limbo while he is still married to me but doing whatever the heck he wants.


I'm filing because I need to protect my daughter(she is due any day).

He said he wants me to "move on" with my life. (Yeah easy for him to say, Im gonna have a newborn)

I'm filing because I can't stand doing this married but not really married thing. I need to retain some shred of dignity and self respect. I love him so much, and I gave my whole heart to him when we married, but he threw it back at me in a crumpled, lonely, mess.

He doesn't want a separation, he wants to not be married anymore. He packed up all of our wedding photos in a box the next day I was gone.


Wow, sorry that turned into a full fledged rant, I apologize MB.

Thank you MelodyLane,

I did everything I could...he just thinks he was "too young" when he married me. and that we "grew apart" (please, we have only been married 2 years)

He refuses counseling and said he has felt unhappy for awhile and doesn't know why...but he says he doesn't love me anymore.

He is being very selfish.


So...I must file. I have a baby to worry about and if he is moving on with his life(which it looks like he is having no trouble, then I have to too) It breaks me from the inside out.

Are you on the deed for the house? Please don't let him get away with just saying, "Whoops, my bad...get out." You are entitled to half the equity in the house, child support, and I would suppose rehabilitative spousal support considering you're not exactly in a position to go out and get a job right now. He'll have to pay not only child support, but also half of the expense of child care once you are able to work.

I'm sorry he's being such a clueless dolt. Nail his dumb rear to the wall!

No I am not on the deed. He bought it for us right before we married...we both looked at homes and I was there for all paperwork...but his name is the only one on there.

I'm not expecting spousal support because around here you have to be married 3 years...we were only married for 2. I mean it would be nice, even if it were only for 6 months or a year to help me get back on my feet...but I am not expecting it.

Thanks, I feel like he is making a mistake but I cant change his feelings.

Depending on your State, you may have dower rights to your home. That means he can't sell the house without your consent. You've said that your husband 'owns' the house, but you may have dower rights on the property, depending on the State you live in. That means that, AS LONG AS YOU ARE MARRIED, you have a financial interest in your home. If he is the only one on the deed, that interest will go away when you divorce.

Please talk to your attorney about the wisdom of immediately filing for divorce. He will be able to guide you. Do not release your dower rights on your family home for your hound-dog husband.

To the experts here:
Would it do any good for wheredidhego to drag the divorce out a few months if she is close to being married 3 years so that she can get spousal support? Just a thought?

Absolutely she can do this. The relevant date is the filing date not the divorce date and wheredidhego can control the calendar by waiting before she files. Delaying the filing is going to be the right strategy in any case; it will allow her wayward time to change his mind and late pregnancy is not a time to make life changing decisions.

Well we celebrated our 2nd year anniversary a few days before he left...so dragging out the divorce for a whole year? No. Not for me. I want this over with. Since he is basically living life as a kind of single guy now.

And for him changing his mind?

He has basically all of my stuff packed(HE actually packed all of our wedding photos/other pictures of me and family the next day after he dumped me)and sent it all to my new place...which isn't the lovely house we once shared, but it's a roof. He has let me move stuff in and paint rooms...I have even done a nursery for the baby. He has let me settle in.


His parents break my heart because they are good people and they like me and know this isn't my doing. They don't know what is "wrong" with their son...and they are thinking he may "change his mind about all of this" once the baby is born. It breaks my heart because I dont want them still having hope...because they will end up even MORE disappointed when he doesn't react the way they think he will or worse, not even be there at the hospital at all.

He wont talk to anyone and when we did get together and talk about how to split the rest of the stuff(our mothers were both with us as well...for support) He wouldn't look at anyone. Nobody. And apparently, after eavesdropping on my mother and his mother talking, he lives life as if I have never existed...he doesn't talk about the divorce he wants...just acts like everything is normal.


I dont get him and I dont hold out hope for him to magically "change his mind" because I don't want to hurt anymore than I already am.


In my opinion, letting me settle into a new place, and telling me he want me to move on with my life, all the while acting like life is normal on his part does not sound like a guy who is conflicted or has a chance of changing his mind.

Actually I read this exactly the opposite way. His behaviour is so extremely abnormal that he cannot possibly be in his right mind. He may be having an affair or he may be panicking about becoming a father but nobody suddenly decides to 'move on with their life' one afternoon and then behaves as if that was the end of the matter. That is why we are advising you to take it slowly and do nothing that closes the door completely.

Maybe.

I don't want to file while I am pregnant...because I dont believe I should do anything like that while I am in the state of mind and condition.

I will file if it is what he wants, but I don't really believe this is what he wants. He says that is what he wants, and we have already decided how to split things. Maybe I am the one who is in denial? He just seems so, moved on.

Good


No, you will file when and if YOU want. He isn't moved on. Protect your finances and have your baby.