I am not sure I understand your Q.... ? Does the next post clear things up for you?

Do you mean the previous post b/c there is no next post, as it will be this one.

I don't know how to word what I am trying to say. You and others just know how to read the clues so well. The chssm between her beliefs that he has stopped and your response is just so great. You are obviously reading the signs so much better. I want to learn how to read the signs. I just don't know what they all mean yet.

Littlebit, there's no magic 8-ball, it's just this place is like an infidelity Ground Hog Day. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm still relatively new here, and can pick up on things so much better than when I first arrived. The longer you are here, the more the aluminum foil gets wrapped around your antenna. Some folks here have enough to recycle to buy a yacht, retire early, and sail the world.

It's just time and repetition. It's the same story over and over and over and over.......

The names change, a little twist here and there, but otherwise it's the same old, same old in the unwritten book that is the essence of this forum.

LB, you do understand that they work together, right? If an alcoholic comes in the bar every day and comes out drunk wouldn't you conclude that he has been drinking in there? Well, it is the same with this WS. He works with the OW so obviously he is "drinking" every day. They have feelings for each other that led to an affair. Those feelings do not go away by cute magic fairy dust when a WS calls the affair a "friendship."

Since you are not familiar with how this all works, how about sitting this out and just reading? This thread should be devoted to helping to realitymom.

Bingo! One can only go by the ACTIONS of a wayward, and never the words. The ACTIONS of this wayward are to be found in his "sexts." His silly clintonesque explanation wouldn't fool a 5 year old.

From Wikipedia:

The formula is defined specifically by predictable narrative structure. Formulaic tales incorporate plots that have been reused so often as to be easily recognizable. Perhaps the most clearly formulaic plots characterize the romantic comedy genre; in a book or film labeled as such, viewers already know its most basic central plot, including to some extent the ending.

Ever watch a B-level horror movie and scream at the characters:

Don't go back in the house!

He's not dead!

Same thing here.

Same roles, different players.

Including, unfortunately, the betrayed spouse who thinks his or her situation is "different."

BV

Ok, Ok. I KNOW you all want to help, I DO appreciate it. But, expose with what?? The sexts aren't even in typical printed form, they're pieces of sexts mixed in with regular texts in paragraph form! I am monitoring his activity 24/7!! I AM tracking him with GPS, I have a recorder IN HIS CAR & I have spyware on his phone! What more could I possibly do to investigate?

As for the job, there is no way he can leave the job. He is our SOLE income provider & works for the state. If he leaves his job, financially, we are done. I HAVE been putting in applications, so far, NO call backs.

What more can I do at this point?? I am actively Plan A'ing while investigating & working on myself.

No way do I want in to become full physical affair, which is why I am monitoring, Plan A'ing & working on me!!

My car battery died Friday. He came home from the gym Sat morning, went out & changed my battery. I was stunned. He is talking to me more, but is still not as affectionate. I read about 'leaning back/ignoring' but this goes against Plan A it would seem. This entire situation is confusing the hell out of me. And how does 180'ing work? Am I supposed to be doing that too? If so, HOW?

I have not exposed to their employer, b/c I as far as I found in their Union contract & state online info, there is no rule against employees fraternizing. What would contacting the employer solve? Getting them both fired?

You expose the affair using the templates in my signature. You can transcribe the texts into a WORD doc and attach it.


Expose the affair at work as outlined in my thread so they will separate them at work FOR NOW. Then you tell your husband he has to find another job.

Keep in mind you have a choice between that job and your marriage. Which will you choose? YOU CANNOT HAVE BOTH. Your marriage will NEVER recover if they continue to work together and the affair becomes more entrenched.


I don't see you doing ANYTHING to save your marriage. NOTHING.

If you want to save your marriage, you are going to get up and do some legwork here, realitymom. Complacence is not going to save your marriage.

It puts pressure on them at work to stay apart and causes conflict in the affair when others are watching them. A formal letter should go to the Director of Human Resources, a key VP and both their supervisors, ccing them ALL so no one is tempted to throw the letter away.

Exposure ruins affairs, RM, and if you don't expose the affair and do some work here, you are going to lose your marriage. Your complacent approach is going to destroy your marriage.

Ok, I completely get what you mean about that. So, they wouldn't be able to work in the same zone!! (it's split into 3 zones). I'll have to research, I'm truly not sure WHO is in charge of such things. There is a warden, who is the guy who runs the whole shebang. I may have to send the letter to him. I'll check it out.

As for doing nothing, I don't feel that is a fair statement! I am investigating, I confronted BOTH of them, I contacted HER H. Good grief, I haven't been sitting in a corner rocking myself.

Please carefully read my thread about exposure to find out how to do this. The letter needs to go to several people who will be in a position to do something, most especially the director of HR and a key VP. They are the people who understand the political and legal ramifications of workplace affairs.

And keep in mind that while they might separate them for now, that is NOT a solution. He will have to look for another job.


But those actions have not ended the affair. They still work together every day! If your steps do not end the affair, you can't just give up. You keep up until the job is done and your marriage is safe! That is my point. Just getting intel will do you no good if you don't use it to save your marriage. You have to rachet this up to kill this affair.

After you expose the affair - and PLEASE do it according to my process outlined in my thread - you must DEMAND that your husband end all contact with this women or this will lead to divorce. This demand has not been given to your husband so he thinks it is ok to continue to see his lover every day at work. He cannot work with her.

Does this skank have a facebook page?

Yes she does. He is friends with her on FB & I know his password =)

ARe you kidding me? That is some AMAZING CHUTZPAH. Why have you tolerated this?

I would copy and paste all her contacts into a WORD doc for safekeeping so you can expose to her family and friends. Did you read my exposure thread?

The biggest problem I see here is your complicity in this affair, my dear friend. How is it that you have not demanded your husband end his affair with this woman? Why have you tolerated this?

And we applaud your efforts, RM. But you've confronted to the two people who already know what they're doing. They aren't surprised by your information; they already KNOW they're having an affair.

Good on you to talk to her husband - now you need to let their employer know. If you're not sure who to contact, go online and google their company. It will give you names of CEO's, etc. Contact the names you find on their website.