Oh star, you can't heal with this level of anxiety going on!

Change the locks pronto. You need this for peace of mind, right now you are on edge that your abuser can enter your home on a whim.

Once those locks are changed, then who cares if WH tries to come over. You simply check before opening the door to anyone. If it is him... go and put some headphones on and ignore whilst dancing around the house to your fave tunes. If he camps down on your doorstep in some sort of foggy wayward stand, call the cops.

But he doesn't get contact with you.

Star, when are you going to get into Plan B?

Is your WH using your workplace email to communicate with you? Could you not go to your employer and tell him that this needs to stop? I would. IMMEDIATELY.

And WHY OH WHY are you letting him come into the home? DO you still not have exclusive right to it? You do understand that with these HOLES in Plan B you are actually HELPING THE AFFAIR, right? You are propping up your WH in his waywardness. And in the meantime, you are paying the toll. I couldn't pay that toll, why are you?

My attorney told me I had to give him a key, because a judgement hasn't been made. I'm not sure what else I can do. He has been giving me notice before he comes over, but it still causes me great stress! What else can I do here?

I'll see about blocking his emails at work today. I'm so pissed that he is flaunting OW #3 in front of my face, driving right past my mom's house to go to visit his whore!

When will you have exclusive rights to the home?

Why what will happen if you dont allow him to have a key?

Will you be dragged before a judge and jury?

Jail time? A fine?

I tell you honeslty - I would do jail time before I allowed WH anywhere near my knicker drawer.

This is an estranged husband going through your personal items!!!

If this was a stranger, this would be considered a very serious, pervy offence.

I would sack any lawyer who is too lazy to protect you.

She should be writing up a letter telling him that his inappropriate behaviour with your belongings mean he can no longer be trusted to access the property unaccompanied.

If he needs to access the property, he must inform her by letter giving a specific reason as to WHY he needs to access the property. And her client will arrange for him to be accompanied by a third party to insure her privacy and belongings are not disturbed.

I would just tell her to what she needs to do to make this happen or meet with another lawyer about how you can keep him from disrupting your life. It's harrasment.

If all else fails, you should move somewhere else. Keeping the home field advantage is preferable in Plan B, but allowing them access into your home is in no way Plan B in any shape or form. What he has been doing to you actually gives me the creeps. My home is my sanctuary, it is safe, it is private and is where I have done my Plan B healing. He doesn't want you to heal.

I wrote a letter to my attorney Indie asking for her help!
Thank you so much to all of you....I'm about to lose it!
I cannot continue to take anymore of this [censored]!
I'm ok as long as I'm in my house (without him having access).
I've been really strong at work, holding my head high, but for the love of God....what is wrong with these sick [censored]?
WH & OW#3....how do they sleep at night? I hope KARMA gets them and I pray that good Karma comes my way. I have so much love and support from family, friends, co-workers, neighbors and so many of you here. Thank you for helping me and understanding. I need a lot of love, hugs and prayers right now. I cannot wait until all of this is over and I don't care about any of this anymore!

Sorry for the bad language...censored comments, but I'm angry as hell today!

Ahahaha! I um have to self censor a lot. I called WH a pleb and said he sucks on my thread. Those words were not my first choices!

hugs hugs hugs.

Star from someone who has a tremendously deplorable xWH ... with time you will see how you come out on top.

The best thing I did for myself when dealing with the Wayward (we have very small children) was accept that I need to have steel strong patience. I need to build it as a habit. I need to let xWH throw everything at me and I try with all my might to let it roll off my shoulders.

Granted xWH can still get under my skin and really hurt my core, but most of the time I can keep the patience strong and know I am following the right path.

For me the best practice to eliminate all the bad habits I built concerning (AO's, DJ's, and SD's) is to have xWH crap and not get sidetracked off this path. I have now built good habits, which I use to refrain from AO's, DJ's, and SD's no matter how horrible xWH is to me or the kids.

With time ... it has made all the difference in liking who I have become. I needed that practice. I guess you could say I am using xWH to build a better me. He gives me great practice. I am sure if he knew how I was using him...it would probably just piss him off more because as a wayward he needs me to be a [censored], nasty, vindictive, and angry ... otherwise how can he blame it all on me

Wouldn't the same apply to keeping you on the car insurance?




Document everything Star



and


seriously


talk to some other attorneys and find one that will FIGHT for you.


(((hugs)))

Give WH a key to your attorney's home.

See what he thinks about your options to keep it secure then.

Really. This is un-acceptable.

No key to him and he will have to go to court to get one. Court. COURT.

No threats of legal action but actual legal action to the point of court. You can make your case for having allowed him access and that he did not follow the agreement to give notice AND rifled through your belonging making you feel very vulnerable and unsafe.

Let him threaten to take legal backup for access to the house and let your attorney continue to tell you is mumbo jumbo about this. Stand firm against both.

The fact is, YOU anticipated WH following guidelines about the house with the first round of communication about the house access and he did not.

Tell your attorney "He did not follow agreement." If WH takes you to actual court tell the judge "He did not follow agreement." If police come to say "let him in", if windows are broken and need fixing. "He did not follow agreement."
If locksmiths lock you out. Document each event in a journal and keep it safe outside of the home.

"He did not follow agreement."

Rinse and repeat.

He knows your weak spot and is trying to take you down with psychological warfare. He WANTS you to not care anymore so you will give everything away just to get rid of him.


This type of behaviour is easier to deal with when you can start to recognize it for what it is. You have now seen his true colors and nothing should surprise you anymore.

Learn to expect it from him.

A SOLID Plan B will protect you.

My attorney was trying to get an injunction in June to give me posession of the home, but the courthouse denied it and said we had to go to mediation first, which isn't until Mid-September. We don't have a court date. In my state Mediation must come first.

The assistant from the attorney's office called me back and said she would like to set up a phone consultation for me to speak with her about the situation NEXT THURSDAY!!! I cannot keep waiting....I need something done RIGHT NOW!!!
I called back and let them know to tell my attorney that I need help right now and I cannot wait. This is so unfair! Why does he have all of the rights and I have none?

But if there is no punishment for changing the locks, why not just do it anyway? Why wait for legal permission? The law isnt interested in doing things like that for you.

Document all the crap he's pulled since being allowed access and just stand firm on the fact you wont allow him in.

What is to stop him doing changing the locks ON YOU during one of his little trips home?

What would your lawyer do then? Have you asked her?

Do you think a wayward plays by the rules?

If he cahnged the locks, and your lawyer wrote to him saying 'Oh no, that's naughty and does not reflect very well on you'

Do you think he would give a stuff?

She's lazy. Get a free consult with the three best divorce lawyers in your area today. Ask them how they would protect your home from him. Pick the toughest.

Thinking a new attorney is a great idea!

Changing the locks again tonight! I have a locksmith coming over shortly and my mom is here with me!

If you get jailtime, Ill come over and chain myself to your barred windows in protest

Starfish =

I'm just tired of him having all the rights.... I'm doing what I have to do to protect myself, so I can have peace. I'm still creeped out that he went through all my things. He's obviously trying to get something on me, but I'm not a cheating whore, so he's out of luck!

He cancelled the HD channels on my cable today, but I don't care, because I rarely watch tv. I'm not going to do anything. He wants a response from me and doing everything he can, but it's not going to happen. Too bad for him!

Locks are changed.... Again!!!!

You go girl!