**EDIT**

Maybe you should look at this.my wife turn me on to this.She has been reading for awhile.Dr here to who rigth.I have a lot of rage and anger inside.Where do I go from here.............,

That is a waste of your time. Your marriage won't survive that nonsense. You need to address your marriage NOW and don't have time for such nonsense.

If you guys are Christian base were is your conpastion.If someone sexual abused your child would you have the same heart.

Where is YOUR compassion? Instead of being the man your wife needs you are wasting your time with this foolishness. Where is YOUR compassion?

You don't fool anyone here with this distraction.

Dr Bill Harley, clinical psychologist and founder of Marriage Builders:

"An analysis of the wayward spouse's childhood or emotional state of mind in an effort to discover why he or she would have an affair is distracting and unnecessary. It takes precious time away from finding the real solutions. I know why people have affairs: We are all wired for it. Given certain conditions, we would all do it. Given other conditions, however, none of us would do it. So the goal of the first step is to discover the conditions that made the affair possible and eliminate them."

I taking the poly no fear here not backing out done deal thanks

What bounaders should I set

And when you flunk it you can cry and say you were abused as a child, right? It's not your fault...

The first boundary is to drop the child abuse card. Playing that card just shows you are still playing games.

I want to work on my marrage.I hope the poly can give her th e true.i told her all.i think We need to repair both are wounds at the same time.I know it a long road what do you think I could do to help I am 100% sure I told her it all.its hard when the women love hates you.You are here to help.i want to go get this done.i hope it will help.any little peice I can get to restore I will take but. Not sure what to do with it.can you help
Night and thanks for opening my eye keep the 2x4s coming

Littlebit, the main issue here is his infidelity. That is what needs to be addressed before anything else. It has nothing to do with his childhood or any childhood experience he may have had. We need to focus on the infidelity right now. Counselling for childhood trauma is secondary.

Bringing up childhood abuse at this point is a red herring. It has nothing to do with the infidelity and will only serve as a distraction to what needs to be done. Consider: the childhood abuse only came out AFTER TJ was busted. If it's been such an issue all these years, why is it only coming up now? To serve as a distraction, and to use as a free pass for poor behavior. "It's not my fault! I was abused as a child!" That won't wash.

TJ, YOU don't get to pick whether or not your wife goes to Plan B. We'll help her understand that.

What place did she point you to? I mean, you're here on Marriage Builders. There IS no better place to get help for your infidelity.

What problem does she think you have? What problem do YOU think you have?

TJ, I'm not going to roll out my whole childhood history unless it would help you. I've already posted it before and the long-time posters here have already read it. Suffice it to say: I was sexually and physically abused for years by multiple men. 'Friends' of the family, relatives, neighbors, you name it. Starting at the age of around 3 and continuing until I was about 10, when I finally figured out on my own how to make it stop. I KNOW where you've been because I've been there. We are showing you the highest compassion by refusing to enable you to continue living a deceptive life. Do you not understand that? We are telling you to not dodge accountability by blaming your adult behaviors on childhood experiences. It is nothing but kindness that we are showing you by doing this.

If you feel you need counselling to come to terms with your childhood, by all means get it. But do not thwart your own marital recovery by blaming your unfaithful actions on your childhood. That won't serve you OR homefor5.

TJ, have you ever viewed pornography?

Hey told it all in true.Pray to god a the alter to day.Fell good when with my wife homeof5 to talk to the pastor.i am ready to face it head on.Told it all.I really would like to know if this is thme rigth thing.How do I make it up to her.Will we ever recover over the.She text me this.

I did, I removed it when you were showering the other day because I don't care if you watch porn or contact women our men. I give you two weeks without sex and you'll be right back to craigslist and porn.

This is about spyware.Asked how to remove it.I love this text I have come to far to give up on myself.I feel good about what I said to her about the poly.You guy were right.Can you help homeof5 she need someone.Can you give me advice on how to recover need help.

TJ, you didn't answer my question. Have you viewed porn?

Please read all these letters in this section.

Addiction to Pornography #1

Yes have look at porn before

Do you understand the mind-numbing affect that porn has on people? Do you understand that when you watch porn you are being entertained with complete fantasy? homefor5 can't possibly compete with whores who are trying to feed their heroin addictions by being paid to pretend to enjoy sex acts. As if she's in competition with those bottom-feeders. Or maybe I'm wrong: is she in competition with those disease-ridden pieces of trash, TJ? If she's not, WHY ARE YOU GIVING THEM YOUR ATTENTION?

What would you do if you found your children watching this? Would you be comfortable with them watching YOU watching porn? Visualize that and respond, please.

Are you a different nationality? Your posts are very difficult to follow. Is English your second language?

Reading link you put on here.I can't read very fast.My kids watch porn no way.I see your point.I know that I made her do thing she did not want to do.but I have not watch it in over 8 months.I can over come this.I would even prove it over time.homefor5 is a good women.She is honest witch I have not been to her.I would like to find away to win her heart back.Can you help me recover my marriage what's my steps.