I am in a position where I have been married for 19 years. 2 kids, 15 and 13. I am ready to get out of the marriage since it is apparent to me that my wife and I do not love one another to the degree I expect we should. Marriage is committment and sacrifice, give & take, and I am getting to the point where I don't feel loved. I have thought about counseling but I only think that would try to change my wife or myself without a true focus on what is at the heart of our problem. I feel we are very different in terms of our interests, our needs, and our life goals in terms of "relationship". I have talked with my wife about the problems in the past (i.e. intimacy) and I have not seen any changes around her desire to make our relationship stand out.

I fully accept the role I play in her not desiring me, prioritizing me, etc. I get the fact that she may not love me as that is really all that I can come up with any more. As well, I know that I am not meeting her needs and it has been a vicious cycle. I don't know that I want to meet her emotional needs.

I don't want to lose my kids and living with them day to day although I have told myself that for the last 5+ years and I can't go on feeling "empty" in terms of my personal relationship.

My wife doesn't think there is anything wrong at this point other than she probably feels the same uneasiness that I do.

Regardless - what are the best next steps in terms of me preparing for divorce? As a man and the primary worker, what do I do now and in advance of talking to her about the divorce? I have to think there are things I should do to ensure the best outcome for me and the kids financially.

Thank you

The best thing financially and emotionally for everyone in your family, including you, is to save your marriage and not divorce. Now, Marriage Builders is about marriage at all costs, but your marriage can be revived from the "dead" if you are both willing to learn the principles of MB and put them into action.

Why wouldn't you want to meet your wife's ENs? Do you want her to meet yours?

Are there addictions? Has there been adultery? Is there abuse?

Have you read the Summary of Basic Concepts? Here

Marriage isn't about sacrifice, not on MB. It's about the Policy of Joint Agreement POJA and the Policy of Radical Honesty PORH

Read these and let us know what you think. You may not need to be in the divorcing forum, but rather in the Marriage Builders 101 forum.

Please....do your family and yourself a great service and read up on MB before moving to divorce. Find out first if your marriage can be saved.

Have you read His Needs/Her Needs and Love Busters by Dr. Harley. Will your wife read them with you?

I experienced the same exact thing you are. My wife wound up having an affair and leaving. It's a horrible experience. I wish I had read those books before it all happened and shared them with my wife.

Please consider reading them and sharing them with your wife. They can change your marriage.

You have been on this forum since 2005.
Did you ever try the Marriage Builder program in your marriage so that the two of you can have a loving romantic marriage where your needs are met?

I know your wife is fat and you have a sexless marriage.

Why not have a session with Steve Harley (link on this website) for advice ?
Or just try it on your own.

What are your wife's top emotional needs? Can you answer that?