My husband works very hard at his job. Mostly 12 hours per day, 5 days a week. Loves our children and helps out some with them.

Right now I'm pregnant and stay at home. We have limited money. We live in a small apartment w/2 children already. I feel in a panic because we need more money and I handle taking care of all the bills. He never says anything about our bills and when I tell him nothing is ever a big deal. He has a basic job but in the field he's in can make twice as much but just settles for the hardest back breaking job ever.

Married 10 years, I have worked full time the majority of our marriage but stayed home for 2 years with my children. I handled all bills and all decisions even when I worked and feel much of the time alone.

Most people think my husband is one of the greatest men ever. He will help out one of his relatives or even at church on a project. He will be one of the hardest working people there so many people draw conclusions about him, even his mom and dad.

Am I not thinking clearly? I think he's a good person. I just wonder why he doesn't get involved with our household with things like money, finding a place to stay, figuring out our next step when we have no money, finding a better job. I feel like I'm the one with bags under my eyes, overweight, worried and scrambling to figure thing out and he's walking around singing like nothing is going on? Lol! Please tell me am I in the twilight zone or am I thinking about this the wrong way?

He is very forgetful, we have nothing for our new baby which won't be here for a few months but he will not prepare for it. I will have to do it. He grew up in a household where his parents took care of their church people's needs over their household. What can I do?

Welcome to MB.

Have you read this? A Summary Of Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts

Here's a good questionnaire to go over with your DH. Financial Support Inventory

Here are some fantastic articles.
How to Resolve Financial Conflicts

Thank you! Will do the form tomorrow. Reading basic concepts now!

Lady, people don't get married to be alone and it sounds like you feel that way. Your husband is meeting only ONE need in your marriage, which is financial support. There is much more to marriage. I would start by being honest with him about the problem. He can't change anything if he doesn't know how you feel.

This newsletter will help you in your approach: When should you tell your spouse, "We have a problem."

You can also listen to the MB radio show for free all day long. They replay the daily show for 24 hours until the next show at 12:00 central every day. You can even email them and ask Dr Harley for advice. [FREE] http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html

He doesn't like to deal with things. Honestly, I believe he started to express himself later in life, more like after high school.

He will make an excuse like: you just left your mom's do your spirit is not right, it must be that time of the month or it's your hormones since you're pregnant.

I don't know what else to do. He's just nonchalant about things. I am alone mostly.

Last year he wasn't communicating and was upset with me because I tried talking to him about these same issues. For 2 months straight he was getting into bed turning his back and going straight to sleep. Going to church a if nothing was wrong. Got in church one day and decided to sit a seat over from me. He would also walk in places (church included) as if he was alone. He walk in my path, sit down get his Bible out, not even look my way in church. It woul be like we are two people who just happened to sit by each other.

I am the one who had an affair last year. It was the most stupid thing I did in life. It made no sense at all. It was short time and ended quickly. I told him right away because I hate being dishonest. I don't want to be that person.

Well out relationship seems to be right back close to the place it was before the affair. I'm his first everything. So is he mine. I had just been around men and had some friendships.

I have been praying and try to change some things about me. I will feel better at times because I redirect my focus on my children and me but it can be hard. I am open to discuss with him what I did last year. Answer any of his questions, apologize or go to counseling. Really I don't believe he has fully dealt with that either. Much of the time I feel like he has someone else but he doesn't. He always thinks it cute when other women flirt or like him.

I was able to catch part of the broadcast. Any good advice I get helps. Thank you!

Have you answered all his questions about your affair?

Who was the OM?

Has there been NC?

I have answered questions. A personal trainer. What's NC?

No contact

Do you still see him?

Was your affair exposed?

Yes, no contact in maybe 8 months or more but it was over before that. The person just kept trying to call me and called from a different number so I recognized his voice on the phone. I would hang up every time.

My husband is not threatened by it from his actions. I think he is over the part where he thinks I would still talk to this person. I would tell him when the person called me.

Why wasn't all your contact information changed?

What extraordinary precautions have you put in place?

No it has probably been a whole year by now. Absolutely no contact at all. I told my husband after it got too far within 2 weeks time. Did everything my husband required me to do and that I needed to after an affair. I exposed it, told my family and he told his. Not every single person but the main people like his parents and mine. I told people who would hold me accountable. I don't want any contact ever.

Read all of this.
How to survive infidelity

I checked into changing my number which was the only contact. I changed gyms. It would cost $5 per month to block the number. I had the number for about 10 years and it's the number I use for all of our business.

Hmmm, I know before that I was not that person and I didn't want to be that type of person but te thing is I did it so I guess anyone can do what they want if they want.

Nothing extraordinary really. I know before that to keep out of situations I just woul not pay attention to men flirting would quickly say married. I wouldn't do personal training again. I started going to track walking with my husband and attending another gym with my family. I am always in places I should be an want to be. I had to go out if my way to see this person.

Also I'm not at the same job that would allow for time missing and I did not have to be accountable because of a flexible schedule. I keep my children all say now so I can't go anywhere extra. I'm just in a different place. That was so stupid of me! I let it happen with my eyes wide open. I wanted some attention and thought I was getting out of my marriage but it literally came down to I did not have money and a job to move and rake care of my children after the affair. Now it's not line that and hasnt been for months. I no longer want to leave. I also know how much he loves his children. We are happy about our pregnancy. We were a good place I felt some months ago but it has gone back to the way it alway does. It was only like 2 weeks if that long.

Whenever he wants he will check out sometimes 6 months at a time if I don't say anything he won't. Right now I am the only one who initiates s.

Thanks I will read the link

I am just catching up on your thread. Welcome to MB! Do you think possibly that your hubby could be holding some resentment against you for this act? I know I would be. Even if my wife told me .. I would be constantly thinking about it. Have you given your hubby just compensation for this? Regardless of the condition of your marriage... do you blame it on your hubby?

Your both responsible for the condition of your marriage, however you are 100% responsible for your affair. Which to me .. could be the underlining issue your hubby is having. I believe your hubby may be in some kind of state of withdrawl.

MNG

Also I would click notify and have your thread moved to the surviving an affair forum. There is probably some things in regards to your affair contributing to your issues in your marriage that still need to be addressed.

Excellent radio clip on just compensation.
Radio clip on how to get over my Husband's Affair
Can't we just Forgive and Forget?

He acts the same as he has the whole marriage. Yes I do believe he can have some resentment for the affair. I felt it right after the affair and some months after. Things have calmed a bit. I am very observant and although he may have more resentment he is still acting te same way now that he did for years before the affair. I don't blame him. I blame myself for being stupid. It's wrong to cheat and also fornicate. I have been so against things like this all of my life.

I have to finish reading the letters and responses from the link to fidelity. I am also going to show to my husband. He always kinda maybe me think at any moment he could cheat. I don't think he understands how some of his words come out.

There was a point that I was thinking silly things like: if he didn't ignore me and treat me that way it wouldn't have ever happened. I felt guilty for a while, asked for forgiveness from him and God. I have to forgive myself. It's a process and I don't expect for him to be over it but I would like to talk about it with him. The affair is all my doing. It's something that was in me as to whybinwould do something like that. I didn't even sleep around before marriage. Will post more later. Thanks for the responses

I also want to say that I find that I am very hurt by the way he has treated me before the affair. I have to deal with this but first what happened last year then my pain.