It's originally what Dr H suggested !
We cannot take credit.

Dr. Harley is not an engineer by training, but has referred to Marriage Builders as an engineer's approach to marriage. And I think he's essentially said something to the effect that he is an engineer at heart.

That's why MB appeals to me.

That's awesome Pepperband, thanks for sharing that link. You made my day, got a good laugh out of that.

Truth be told, I'm actually worse than an engineer,...

I'm a computer programmer, ugh. Sitting in front of a computer screen all day is not what I'd ideally like to be doing, but it does pay the bills.

Since you threw some humor my way via the engineer link, I'm returning the favor:

KL, have you listened to the radio program?

Hi Markos, I just tuned in and heard a couple discussions about step-parenting, and one about POJA that was interesting, but nothing jumped out at me that said "this is what Markos wanted me to hear." Remember, I'm an engineer/computer type, sometimes needing things to be explicitly spelled out.

I think I caught the program in the middle of switching between yesterday's and today's broadcasts because I listened for over 90 minutes without any repeats.

I am a statistician and with a graduate degree in computer engineering. I analyze everything to the very bone. It is a difficult gift when you have a spouse who is wayward and defies all logic. Absolutely mind-boggling...now onto programming more C++ ... will be fried with my brain soon.

Geeks ....ya gots-ta love 'em.
I live in Silicon Valley ... I REALLY gots-ta luv'em - har-har

NG and I went camping over the weekend. Lots of UA. We talked about POJA and the idea of using it for the smallest of decisions in preparation/practice for the bigger problems we will run into. We had fun with it: "are you enthusiastic about taking the trail to the left instead of the right?" and "I could go for some eggs, in fact I'm quite enthusiastic about eggs."

I guess the next level of discussion would be to explain to each other why we are or are not enthusiastic. I found, through the little exercise, that I tend to be enthusiastic simply because my $LB is so high and I'm just about silly with anything we do together. But it's still better to go through the language of it than to just float through the day to day activities, methinks.

KL, even if someone knows nothing of POJA, you can still implement the concept:
"would you be enthusiastic about coming over and making dinner with me tonight?"
instead of the usual "do you want to come over?"
-"I know we planned on going to the movies tonight, but I don't really feel enthusiastic about it now. How would you feel about going for a bike ride?"

I even used it on my parents when they revealed a plan to move to Florida. I said "It's great to see you both so enthusiastic about that." So far they're not takers on the MB ideas, but I'd like to sell it to them gradually so they can have a wonderful retirement period together.

I think the concept is pure gold, I wish everyone would adopt it.

opt

Hi KL,

I read this thread when you first posted it, and your approach about your Giver and Taker POJAing resonated and made perfect sense to me. At the time I couldn't work out why others were getting so pretzeled about it.

Some people just seem to know immediately exactly where they stand on X. I've been thinking it over and yesterday came to the conclusion that you must be like me in that sometimes I really don't *know* what I think or feel about X. It often takes me a while (days/weeks for big issues) to sort it out, and your approach works well for that. Sometimes I'm initially apparently okay with X, then a short time later think, "Hang on, actually I don't like that / that sucks!" although it might take me quite a while to work exactly what it is about the situation that bothers me.

Anyway, this morning all was explained in your other post - we are both INFPs . So it seems that's just the way we're wired. If your Giver and Taker POJAing works for you to sort it out, then do it. Other people don't have to agree or like it for it to be effective .

Hi LearningCurve, seems we INFP's also like Learning. I like your username.

Glad to hear someone else thinks similar to me. I understand precisely what you mean when you say that it sometimes takes you a long time to sort out issues and come to a decision about something. I'm the same way. The process of thinking through a complex issue can feel exasperating, but in the end, once I've come to the point of really knowing what I want, I feel very confident that I haven't overlooked anything, and I really do know what I want. I think that's why I admire people like AGG; he seems to be able to analyze a situation and come to a decision quickly that would take me days to figure out. Did you see the second movie in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Two Towers? There's a part where Merry and Pippin urge the Ents to consider joining the war. The Ents take forrrrrrrrreeeeeevvvvvvvver to come to a decision. I would be a good Ent!

I read an earlier post of yours that says you're from Australia? Awesome! I would give just about anything to go back there. My daughter was studying abroad at UQ in Brisbane while living on the Gold Coast in Surfer's Paradise. My son and I visited her during his Spring break, and we had a fantastic time. What a great place to live, I'm envious. We spent a few days around Sydney, and hiking in the rain forests in the Blue Mountains was fabulous. Bondi Beach was also amazing, coming from the US where the obesity rate is bordering on epidemic, it was refreshing to see so many fit and active people. I'd love to go back.

Nice to meet you. G'day!

Thanks, KL, glad give a fellow INFP some moral support - us ~1-3% of the population gotta stick together!

I've mostly spent my life in the far north of Australia, so can't comment much on the areas you're familiar with. A day or two in such a built up environment is about all I can take! I'm not sure how long ago you were here, but I think unfortunately Aus is catching up with the US on obesity .

Glad to hear you enjoyed the temperate rainforests though!