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Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1
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Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2012
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Anyone out there who has dated a divorced man who's marriage ended because of several affairs?
This man is extremely remorseful for his past choices. He is getting back to God and wants to have a second chance with a good marriage. (His ex wife has recently married so he can no longer hope to be reconciled with her).
What advice do you have for me...a divorced woman who loves this man?
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,389
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Joined: Oct 2011
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Define remorse. Have you spoken with ex-wife? Why are they divorced? How long has he been divorced?
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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I would require a former serial adulterer to read & discuss a few Dr Harley books with you.
Which one(s) do you already have?
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
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Anyone out there who has dated a divorced man who's marriage ended because of several affairs? How many is "several"? I can almost see accepting someone who screwed up once and learned his lesson, but a serial cheater is a whole different type of person. I'd be really careful. AGG
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094
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Anyone out there who has dated a divorced man who's marriage ended because of several affairs?
This man is extremely remorseful for his past choices. He is getting back to God and wants to have a second chance with a good marriage. (His ex wife has recently married so he can no longer hope to be reconciled with her).
What advice do you have for me...a divorced woman who loves this man? I wouldn't be too impressed with remorse. Or choosing God. Lots of remorseful Godly people cheat. Are you familiar with a concept called "extraodinary precautions?" Once you understand this, ask yourself if he would be willing to implement EP's into his life if he were to marry you. If not, then he's not marriage material. ~optimism
Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01) Divorce from WW final 9/16/10. Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10) Mine: S(16), D(11) NatureGirls: S(23), D(21) Another EA Story
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
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I wouldn't want to "take on a project" or rescue someone or try to change them. I'd be more impressed with someone who is right "as is". If he'll cheat on her, what makes you think he won't cheat on you? ESP. a serial cheater! It's in their blood!
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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I wouldn't be too impressed with remorse. Or choosing God. Lots of remorseful Godly people cheat.
Are you familiar with a concept called "extraodinary precautions?"
Once you understand this, ask yourself if he would be willing to implement EP's into his life if he were to marry you. If not, then he's not marriage material. x 2 Also, would he mind if you spoke to his BxW?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Like the others said, remorse is a dime a dozen; they all have it when they get caught. It doesn't mean they have changed their behavior. What has he actually DONE to change his behavior? All the remorse in the world will be of no avail if he doesn't make radical changes in his behavior to make sure he doesn't do it again if married.
What changes has he made?
I wouldn't touch such a guy with a 10' pole personally.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964 Likes: 1
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Bon29,
I think you need to step back and think carefully about the following.
Does this now divorced former "OM" lie to you about "small" things? Do you know how many affairs he had and most of the details? You need to know because his habit of seducing women might be hard to fix, and you will need to monitor what he is doing for quite some time. If any of his OW are friends on facebook end it now.
Has he made his apologies to the boyfriends or husbands of the OW he was cheating with?
I say all of the above because in the absence of extraordinary openness and honesty you should stay away from this gentleman.
God Bless
Gamma
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