You're doing a good job, improving yourself one day at a time

Kiss have you asked RQ for her forgiveness?

Of course you still need to give her JC, but have you asked?

no I haven't asked her to forgive me. I don't think she is there yet. We continue to grow and become a lot closer. I don't want to put pressure on her or make her feel added stress.
We went to see Ace Frehley in Time Square and it was a great to be there with my best friend. In the past every time I have gone to see Ace I have gone alone. So it was awesome to be able to hold her and have fun.

KISS

Talk about one HUGE DJ....

And there fly'eth another.....

Make sure you have an umbrella, it's raining DJ's

You may need to ask repeatedly before she's ready to forgive you.

If you're not ready to do that, you're not ready to be forgiven.

Thanks Neak.

That's what I was trying to imply.

Kiss, how will you know if you don't ask?

Neak and Brain,

Thanks I will discuss it with her. I have a question. Rocketqueen came to me and asked me about a phone call I made to my old work place. Its where the OW works but I called there to speak to one of my former employees to see if he would want to come work for me at my location. I have an opening and he would be a huge asset to me and its closer to his home by about a half hour. Rocketqueen questioned me about the call. She wasn't agressive but when I told her the above I didn't get a response. So I don't know if I should readdress the conversation or if she was ok with it. Is what I did wrong? I don't know if it wwas big deal to her or if she just needed reassurance.

THANKS,

KISS

Gampelan; next time you do something this lunkheaded, you tell her BEFORE you make the call, and give her the option to be present while you make the call. That, sir, is transparency.

What you did there? Possible violation of EP's, and total violation of PoJA.

Make sense?

And yes, it was a big deal. You called the workplace of your former affair partner.

Think about that.

You have proven yourself a liar, and that you will do something that would injure her as much as your infidelity... why should she buy your story?

THINK man, THINK.

Got it. I didn't realize it at the time. I was going to tell her and I didn't bring it up to her before she approached me about it. Next time I will put more thought into it. I didn't have his cell number or I would have called it.

THANKS,
KISS

HHH hit it out of the park.

Kiss you're trying to earn her trust back. So you need to stop all behaviour that would cause her confusion.

You POJA it.

RQ I was thinking about calling XYZ about a job with me here. How would you feel about that? Would you like to be present when I make the call?

It's all about thinking about her.

My FWH has done this. I remember spending the whole day in a panic. Waiting for him to come to me and tell me about it so I would not have to ask.

I always felt that if I had to ask it was usually bad. If it was not volunteered it was something he didnt want me to know about.

HHH has hit it on the head exactly. Of course RQ's first thought would be that you were making contact with OW. It's a HUGE trigger.

Had AJ done this, I would have freaked out, at least inside. I probably would have gotten enough control not to hit him in the head with a frying pan when I asked him about it, but in my heart I would have gone back to all the terror and heartache of the A.

The Bible says to avoid the appearance of evil. In other words, don't do anything that could be misconstrued as being wrong. This is 100x more important for you now, when because of your recent track record, RQ has solid reasons NOT to trust you, and only the beginning glimmers of the possibility of a new track record.

I don't say that to throw the A in your face; I want you to have an understanding of RQ, and to realize that until she has seen a new track record from you for quite some time, she will be unable to rely on the changes you're making.

And your carelessness of a few moments can wreck months or even years of hard work.

For you, avoiding the appearance of evil will look like you being so thoughtful of RQ that do nothing that might make her worry for even a moment that you're back in C with the OW, or forging any ties with another woman.

At first it's a lot of work to retrain your habits. But within a couple weeks, this kind of thoughtfulness will be second nature, and you won't even have to consciously think about it. The benefits that you give to RQ by making sure she always feels safe will pay dividends to you, too, since a W who feels safe and loved will be much more enthusiastic about meeting your own EN's.

It's a win-win for both of you.

Thanks everyone for the feedback I get it. Irealize now and understand how much of a trigger it would be for RQ.


THANKS,
KISS

What is your plan for today? It doesn't have to be a big one - recovery is bitten off in bite-sized chunks, one day at a time.

Neak,
Sorry for not responding but today we didn't do much I left for work at 4:30 this morning and got home about 5 PM. Rocketqueen made dinner as I have been going through a lot of my KISS collectibles and trying to sell some on Ebay as I have so much.
After dinner she then went shopping with our daughter and I stayed home with our 6 year old son. I wanted to go shopping with her but she didn't want to deal with my sons unwillingness to listen in the grocery store. We will be putting the kids to bed soon then hopefully we can sit down and relax together.

THANKS,
KISS

How much UA time are you guys getting every week? What are the types of activities you are doing during these times? Are you going on dates OUTSIDE of the house at least twice a week?