NO spouses feel like doing that when they arrive here because they are not in love. Who wants to spend a week with someone you are not in love with? That is why it is so important to SELL this program to a reluctant spouse. If I am not in love with you but I know of a way to fall in love again, then I would be willing to take the neccessary steps. There has to be some sort of payoff for the reluctant spouse.

And more importantly, if a BS agrees to take a WS back, then part of that agreement is a committment to a program of recovery. That is not even negotiable. After an affair, following basic guidelines for recovery is part of just compensation. A WS can't just come back and then not do anything to recover the marriage. That is a deal breaker.


I am only aware of that tactic being a disaster. If the reluctant spouse is not on board, it is not going to work.

(Pst: Driven, you really ought to start a new thread for your questions or post them on your own existing threads. Putting them on the threads of newcomers can be disruptive, confusing, discouraging, etc.)

Well there was a reason I was feeling so unloved. He had completely pulled the wool over my eyes. Not only was the affair still going on, but he was sleeping with other women and searching for new women on craigs list and datehookup.com. He had an android phone that he used for email that didn't need cell service, just a wifi connection and what finally got him caught was I found an activation card for a net zero phone in the garbage. Funny thing is he bought this phone just 3 days before my original post. Needless to say I immediately kicked him out and I am done, filling for divorce.

Miri, I am so sorry. This is sickening to hear. I have also been through a false recovery and I know how much harder subsequent D Days are than the first.

Were all the details of these OW and Craigslist in the emails, or did he admit more information to you?

Did you see the actual phone? Did he hand it over to you? Where had he been keeping it?

I found all the details in the emailing phone. He left it in his new truck that I just bought him. Even after I confronted him about it he continued to lie and denie it. I forwarded all the emails to the woman he was carieing on the affair with. She thought she was the only one. She then set him up by sending emails to one of the other women and setting up a meeting. She forwarded the info to me and I showed up. The woman he was just having a friends with benefits relationship with admitted to sleeping with him.

Bump.

I wasn't able to get back to this thread yesterday, and I can't stay now. Perhaps other posters could help?

I should have asked.

Miri, do you need help with anything?

Thank you for asking. I have joined Divorcecare, a local support group. That has helped a lot. I guess my biggest obstacle is getting over the loneliness after never being on my own for the last 34 years, last 18 with him. I have finally made it 5 days without crying, but always feeling on the verge of a meltdown. I have 2 beautiful children, 9 and 16, so although I am not physically alone, I have this feeling of utter loneliness at times. Saddens me that I am switching over to the divorce forums but I so appreciate everyone's support through this most difficult time.

What Plan are you in?

Have you exposed?

I guess I don't understand what you mean by what plan am I in?

The continuing affair and cheating was exposed three weeks ago this Wednesday. I did what I could to save our marriage the first time i found out about affair and his participation was lieing and further cheating on me. He says he has no reason to change since "I want a divorce.". That tells me that he is not ready to change. he has to want to change for himself.

My plan is to move on, move forward and build I new and better life for myself and my kids.

Your plan is Plan D, then. And I can't blame you. You are married to a serial cheater. I would suggest your dump him like the garbage that he is.

Will you go into Plan B as you're in D?

It would be very wise for you to do so.