Didn't want to weigh in, but this is exactly what I was thinking. Why fall into what he wants you to do? THis is YOUR plan, and you're doing it YOUR way.

Yeah it's tempting, you are over it, got a new set of armor to protect you from the line of bull, need to get on with your life, got some choice words for them too, if they dare go there.

But they are still in love with thier fantasy, really themselves, and it is a waste of your valuable and precious time

Now if they were your child... But thier not, so don't even go there.

You will likely set yourself up for more heartache. Been there and done that, there is no excuse

You have to be the strong one, while the selfish ruin what could have been, if they hadn't fallen for less than the truth. You are the strong one

Good job Indie

X3

It's quite funny being told to do things my way, when usually in life I'm being told not to be so stubborn about doing things my way!

Whatever happens, I'm taking my life back. And I'm not paying out every penny I have at court either. That is not my plan.

I'm pretty sure my solicitor can handle it. Ill leave it to her.

x4!

indie, don't go against your own advice. i see from your last post you aren't going to. whew! just goes to show, though, that's it's so very hard to walk the walk, isn't it? we are too close to our own sitches, which is why it's so good to post these things. *so glad* you are going to let lawyer handle it! and pleased to see you so far along in pb that you can make this serious decision (d) because you are *ready* to. good on ya!

Hi Indiegirl, it's been about a week. Anything new going on?

No not really. We decided to give him a few weeks to respond and after that it will be a court battle (god I hope not, I really dont have the money)

So I'm done thinking about a situation I can do nothing about right now. All my thoughts are on a vintage ball I'm going to tomorrow. A 1940s theme. Im going to do my hair up in those mad rolls and dance my little heart out.

Plan Bers Pedicure Club - I will be rocking a very vintagey red on my toenails and my hands!

Sounds like fun, have a great time Indie!

I too, hope for your sake it doesn't devolve into a court battle. I didn't have the money either; my xW had a wealthy sister backing her, and I didn't stand a chance. Took me 2 years post-divorce to pay off legal debt. Yuck!!

I hope you have lots of fun at the ball tomorrow. That sounds fantastic!

I'm going to a friend's birthday after work today who's celebrating at a bar that serves over 200 different beers on tap! I'm not going to try them all, however, as I have an early morning workout to attend. Have a great weekend!

Have fun.

You should take pics and add them to the Nail place thread of your nails.

So I am rolling along as per usual. I had such an AMAZING time at the vintage ball. I had my hair in rollers for 24 hours but I managed to pull off an authentic wartime hairdo! It's now my FB profile pic. Everyone telling me I look like my grandmother.

Have decided I may move to London. This is risky because it means leaving the house available for Softlad to roll back into and take control of. However I think it unlikely. He has a whole new life in Singapore and my family can keep an eye on things too.

I just have to get moving. There are no opportunities for me here workwise and my finances are suffering due to the divorce. When I am ready to date, there will also be a better pool of eligible men in London.

Was listening the other day to Dr Harley advising a BW in my very situation. He was very confident that the WS would want to return to the marriage after x amount of time in Plan B, in spite of his moving away. He said most likely after divorce. However he counselled the childless BW not to consider recovery. He said there was no logic in it.

I agree. I considered asking my IM to block all messages starting now, but we have too much in the way of finances and divorce stuff etc coming up. Then I considered blocking all personal messages, but I think I will stick to my original plan. He gets to have his say until the divorce is finalised.

I'm healed enough now after so much time in Plan B I honestly dont yearn for recovery or repentance. At this point it would actually interfere with my plans.

But ... I've discovered nothing is impossible.

Good to hear it Indie

I'm glad things are going well for you... and wow, maybe a move to London!

Thanks for updating and inspiring Plan B'ers.

Oh, and Indie, if you get a chance please post a link to that clip you heard... If its different to the one BB put on my thread.

No it's the same show!!!!!

Actually people tried to tell me that the relationship wasn't logical early on in my thread. We had no children, he had been financially unfaithful, I was young etc....

I do fully agree with all those reasons today and it's why I wouldn't attempt recovery now. But was I wrong to embark on the MB plans at all? Should I have just gone Plan FU?

I really think I took the best route by following MB. And if he had been remorseful, I am sure we could have made a better marriage than we had before. The dishonesty could have been corrected. He could have healed me instead of my having to heal myself. Which would have been nice. I also dont think I would have fully healed if I had known he was remorseful and wanting to do whatever he could.

But NOW, no way. I've worked way too hard to get to this point - a personal recovery - over the past year. I don't see why an illogical relationship should also demand another two-to-five years of my time and hard work when I've already achieved my goal - happiness.

It's like what Dr Harley said on that show. "If I was her father, I'd say: 'What's good for YOU right now?"

But definitely Plan A and Plan B are the best tools for a personal recovery. If you're a buyer you need to know you did all you could to heal properly.

Been thinking about truth today.

Its been an emotional few days in my city, my home of Liverpool.

In 1989 hundreds of Liverpool football fans went to a major football game at Hillsborough, in Yorkshire. Due to an unsafe building and the neglect of the police in charge of the event, 96 of them never came home. They were crushed to death, victims aged from ten to 65 years old. Many were just laid on the pitch to die because the police wouldn't let ambulances in.

I was ten, and safe at home. I knew scores of people were dead by 3pm. It wasn't until 7pm that we knew relatives who had gone to the game were safe and well. No mobile phones in those days. We had gone through a lot but we were lucky. Countless others were not.

For years, the police have blamed fans for being drunk and out of control in spite of camera footage showing fans rescuing each other, making make-shift stretchers, giving CPR and trying to get to ambulances.

Yesterday after 23 years, fans were completely exonerated and it has been revealed that the authorities tried to conceal what had happened

Top police officers lied, and changed 116 out of 164 statements to make themselves look better. They issued a press release claiming fans had been urinating on and pickpocketing the dead.

They stuck to their story in spite of their own (traumatised) officers breaking ranks to become whistleblowers.

I am so proud of my city for pursuing the truth for 23 years. Not a single copy of the newspaper which repeated the lies has been sold or even appeared in this region since then. They've lost �52 million in revenue.

Liverpudlians, or Scousers as we are called, are a stubborn, forthright lot. I am proud to be a Liverpudlian today. Proud to be Scouse.

Somewhere in Singapore is a man who is clearly English. It's shorts and t-shirt weather over there. Football fans in his vicinity will recognise that he is a Liverpool fan due to the football badge tatooed on his left leg.

On his right leg is a flame, with the city's emblem, a Liverbird in the centre. It is the Justice Flame. The logo the Hilsborough disaster's bereaved families use to advertise their search for truth.

I think about Softlad out there, with the tattos on his football-players legs. A boy whose very calves were shaped kicking a ball in the streets of Liverpool.

He is out there, living a lie. Hiding from the truth of what he did. Is he proud at recent events - or shamed?

All I know is that the endurance of people who lost their children and were then turned on by the very people who were supposed to protect them - is humbling.

Callous people told them to 'move on' and stop probing. As though the truth were play doh and could be moulded into more acceptable shapes. Doled out in bits and pieces.

No. We should all be vigilant in our search for truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Great story Indie. And great attitude too, as the truth does set us free does it not?
So who were they trying to protect? Has the lies been worth the chains that bound them all these years?
I would say no

There are people who say they were just saving their own skins, keeping their jobs, pensions, not serving time for manslaughter by covering it up.

I can't help but keep comparing it to waywardism though and think a lot of it has to do with the human mistake of lying to ourselves.

The senior police officers arguably started off innocently. Much like the average affair. They had trained for hooligan attacks and when chaos broke out they mistakenly thought that was happening and beat back fans who were trying to free themselves.

When it became clear people had been dying - and were dead. That's when the moral choice that often is presented to the wayward was presented to them. The choice - 'I have done something terrible. Do I tell the truth - unflinchingly to myself, before telling it to others? Or do I villify my victims?'

What a powerful story Indie, thank you so much for sharing. May the victims find some peace in the truth. Isn't it strange when you experience these things that at one time, you would have shared with WH? Just share it with the ghost of him...and appreciate where you are in a time of healing and growth, much better than the alternative of being where he is.

Exactly! thank you for understanding Jen. This whole thing has made me realise I can hardly believe he is not the same man.