I'm totally new to this Forum business and feel really nervous and embarrassed about the fact that I'm even having to post on here, please excuse my grammar I'm not a person who writes on boards very often, I'm 38 yrs old and have been married for almost 6yrs, my wife and i have 2 children together, if asked i would have said our marriage was ok, how wrong i was

a couple of months ago i woke up in the middle of the night with a real urgency and strange prompting to check through my wife's phone, ( i never do this usually ) i went through her e mails and to my horror found a picture of a naked man exposing all of himself minus his face, the horror and fear was an experience I've never had to face before

next morning i questioned my wife and she said it was a female work colleague who had forwarded a picture of her new boy friend onto my wife in a boasting kind of way, that explanation gave me no peace and in my heart i knew my wife was lying to me,at one point she even gave me her phone instructing me to call the female colleague and check that her story was indeed true

later on that day my wife returned home from a shopping trip and broke down in tears and kept saying sorry to me over and over, i asked who the man in the e mail was and she told me it was an old school friend, she assured me that they had not had sex but i doubted this

my wife later confessed that she had met this old school friend through her work, and decided to meet up just for a chat, she has promised me that they didn't have sex, but did say that they kissed which resulted in his hands going into my wife's knickers and without being to graphic ( he well you know what I'm saying) and unfortunately she did the same with her hands in his underwear, she has told me that after a couple of minutes they both realized they were make a terrible mistake and both stopped this action, she even told me that she swore and said she had a husband at home who would crawl over broken glass for her

a few days after this event she received this picture to her phone and assured me that she had deleted it instantly and told this man that the whole thing was a terrible mistake

I've even managed to track down this man and speak to him about this event, his account more or less matches up with my wife's, i really want to believe her and if I'm being honest i tried to catch this man out by being sneaky with my questions, but his account remained the same throughout the meeting

all i want to do now is move on with our marriage and really believe my wife's account, do any of you have any advice please as I'm still a bit hurt and confused

Two words - Polly Graph. (Now, wasn't that easy?)

BTW: She's lying. Save the polygraph money, and tell her an expert in telekinetic vibrations already scanned her.

She has to arrange for STD scans for both of you.

Hi runnerbean, welcome to Marriage Builders. Sorry for the reasons that have brought you here. We can help you fix your marriage if you follow some basic steps. Most people do not recover from affairs because they do not want to follow the steps. As a result, they end up in a crippled version of the pre-affair marriage and are much more vulnerable to a repeat affair.

That doesn't have to happen if you follow this program. The first step is for to end all contact with the OM. All of the ways she used to contact him should be eliminated. For example, if she hooked up with him on facebook, fb should be eliminated. If he has her phone # and email, those #s should be changed so he can't get through to her. She should eliminate any opposite sex friendships as this is how affairs begin.

She should become completely transparent in her lifestyle and spend all of her leisure time with you. Any travel should be spent together.

The next step is to create a romantic marriage using Harley's basic steps. Here is a link that outlines Dr Harley's program: How to Survive Infidelity


Is the OM married and if so, have you informed his wife of the affair?

p.s. the story about no intercourse is probably a lie, but what she has admitted to is bad enough. She had a sexual affair with another man. THAT is as bad as it gets.

Is this female colleague willing to cover up for your wife? Does she know about the affair?

thanks both for your advice

runner, is the OM married?

no, he's a single guy

Do you know this for a fact? OR is this what your wife told you?

"Tomorrows great oak is yesterday's little acorn that held its ground."

Huh? I'm confused.

Why did you post this?

Okay, weird.

Back to business. Juggernaut, refrain from posting philosophical leanings on help threads. Der.

What is your response?

Thanks Juggernaut, I think I get it. Standing your ground when things are delicate and you are being hit by strong forces tempting you otherwise ( like believing the lies, being manipulated by WS) is how to eventually build a mighty marriage?

Please don't be too hard on JG. she or he has probably (like me) been reading the forum for years and had an irresistible urge to contribute, however, the obvious things have already been said.

I'd agree with the others though. This looks very much like the early posts of other threads where a BS suspects something. Read some of them and you can see how the truth unfold over time. Sometimes sooner, sometimes later, depending on how the BS acted. Follow the MB programme and hold your ground ( like the acorn, I'm guessing)and it will happen more quicklyand with less pain.
Its hard to do, but I think it is better to suffer quick than suffer long.
Here are my thoughts:

OM's story consistent with WS - No indication of anything, they will have agreed a line as soon as possible after you told your wife about the pic. She most likely spoke to him about it that day she was at work, and came home and confessed.

Work colleague - 1) she may well also have agreed a line to support your friend.

And anyway, what kind of friend sends around naked pictures of their byfriends to their female friends? Did you ask your wife if she had also sent naked pictures of you around to her friends at work?

The other advice is good. Firstly, ensure all contact ceases. Whatever that takes for you to be fully comfortable with that, and without depending on your wife's word that it has ceased (You have to assume that word cannot be trusted right now).
Expose, (without giving ww warning) and gather evidence - a polygraph can help squeeze out the truth.
Watch out for the way a WS spins things to get you to change plan - these are the forces that prevent the acorn from growing..
stick with it anyway.

I wish you well.

Thanks for your wisdom sortingit, best wishes

runnerbean..I would recommend a polygraph.

My WS took one yesterday. If you read my post you will see that he lied up until he was in the seat. He had disclosed some things but here was way more to come.

I truly believed he was telling the truth now it is DD all over again. I should have done it a month ago.

Please don't think I'm being rude or ungrateful to any of your views or advice, but none of anything I've read has been of any use to me at all, I'm really sorry for all of you on here that have had to experience the hurt and heart ache that accompanies affairs and cheating,and i do thank you for the time you've taken to reply to my post, but it's like a brood of vipers on here, nothing I've read has lifted me, or done any good in search for help that I've asked for

my wife is not a liar or cheat or fraudster, and no one reading this will ever know her like i do and I'm shocked that a so called christian help page can cough up so much vile keyboard chatter and assumptions, i know i shared my story with you guys and i know i asked for your help or advice, but the stuff I've read seems to be from people who claim to be over marriage conflicts but clearly are not

What she did was very bad, and if I'm being truthful my mind still tells me that there is more, but when i think of all we've got and have been through together i realise that this web site is not for us

i hope all of you reading this reply find your inner peace and happiness, and again thank you all for your time

Matt

Runnerbean,

It's your life. I may remind you that you are the one who told us she lied and cheated in your first post. Getting angry and trying to change the story - or sugar coat it - doesn't change the facts.

Good luck to you sir, you will need it.