I'm impressed by your daughter.

Ditto!

Can I join in the lovefest?

Estrela, I smelled a perfume on my WH before I knew about the A, and to this day, 3+ years later, when I smell it on someone I walk past, it makes my heart sink. I understand, totally. They actually say that scents invoke the most powerful memories. Lucky us, eh?

An update since it's been a while...

I got a little of a stress lingering from OW's contact. In the week following her "visit", I had heart palpitations at night, and once I smelled her parfum in someone else while walking and had to stop to catch my breath.

She sent me a letter also (since I blocked her e-mail after my last e-mail), but when I saw it was from her I just throw it away without reading.

After this one week, I am back to normal, back to PLB and PR, did a great run yesterday, even with the heat, and am doing fine now.

I've been here a lot, wish I had more strenght to help, but I get too emotional when I try to post to anyone, so just reading, and learning.

so glad to hear you're going well, estrela. keep reading and posting, ok? you're going to get there :O)

hello e's mum! so glad you're there to help e!

Hi Letty - thanks! I am indeed getting stronger, and things are getting less complicated and clearer. It is easier to deal with life like this.

My mom is getting good at Plan B. In the beginning she would ask about WH once in a while, or about my plans regarding M.

Now she doesn't mention WH anymore. I think she also saw the benefits of Plan B.

Estrela,

Glad to hear you're feeling better. Don't beat yourself up about not being able to post to others, that may or may not happen. Everyone's recovery path is their own. KWIM?

Here's an excellent clip on forgiving the OW.
Radio clip on Forgiving the OW
Segment #2

Tell us what you think.

BH - thanks for the radio clips. I loved listening to the ones you post for different people.

The forgiviness clip is great. No point to forgive is no one has asked for/deserve forgiviness.

And yes, I am moving on and letting go, I am not carrying OW and WH with me.

I've done a lot of letting go from a program I have on CD and it's been really helpful to keep my mental sanity intact (well, kinda of intact :)).

Something else happened this past week I could use some input with.

I am friends with a woman for 11 years now. Every 4th of July (and other occasions) we get together. Her sister died recently so we did not this year, but we spoke, and I told her about what's going on.

I've been postponing since I know how hard she can be, although she supported me through the last crisis with WH.

She went to say that there is no way I could ever get WH back again, that once I told the kids what happened I could not take him back because this would be a bad example, and how hard it must be for me to see the kids every day since they remind me so much of WH.

I think her comments were inappropriate and even verging on cruel. I tried to explain to her MB principles, and how people can recover from A but she would not listen... I don't know if I should even try to educate her or just leave the friendship quiet until I get all this sorted out.

Is she married? Do what you feel is right and will make you happy on the inside of you. Sometimes when you want something for yourself, you will have to be your own support network which is harder than if you had someone who could vouch for you. Perhaps you should keep things to yourself and if you do get WH back then good for you she'll see the results. If you don't you need not mention it to her.

Estrela, I would just back away for now rather than trying to educate her. You need all the support you can get right now.

I agree with Mel. How many marriages has she saved?

You need the support. Distance yourself, my friend.

Thanks Mel and BH.

I will keep the distance for now.

People sometimes listen more to themselves than to the person they are talking to, and in any case it is true, I need support now.

I also would back away from her right now. Some people just don't understand, and are set in their own ways. That's okay for them, but not when you need all of the support you can get for what you are doing.

I have had MANY people who told me that they wouldn't do what I had, but they still supported me when I needed to just vent, etc. And when I stated that this is what I wanted, they helped keep me on task. That's the support you need. Anyone who wasn't onboard with supporting me, they got the boot, sometimes temporarily, some permanent.

You're doing what is right for you. You are doing what is best for your children. You know where to find the support, and we'll always be here for ya.

Thank you, Scotty!

People should always at least listen.

I have some pretty stubborn friends too who thought MB was nutso. But they listened.

It was a bit fraught in the early days when they saw how vulnerable I was and they wanted to knock some sense into me.

But I was so tough re Plan B and so careful in caring for myself they relaxed.

I'd give her some time to similarly unclench. For now, why don't you talk more about how you need to cut him out, how you need to ensure you hear nothing from him, how you need good friends to come up with good times and Plan B treats.

The concept of recovery isn't an issue until he's remorseful. And you want cynical friends for that. Friends its tough to impress.

But you don't sound very close to her and she doesn't sound too good at reading you.

One thing I have learned is that casual or insubstantial friendships don't survive this experience we go through in Plan B. She may be one, but that's OK.

I've been doing quite well and wanted to post a short update.

WH has left me alone after his last attempt to communicate and "recover".

Now that my mom is here, I am mostly out of the house during pick-ups so get less stress from it.

I've been healing, enjoying the summer with my mom and kids and working on PR as best as i can.

Some days I have crying spells, for no apparent reason, I think it is my body letting go of some deep sadness.

Most of the time I am fine, and when I think of my life and future (without WH) most of it seems great, no fears anymore of not being able to "do it alone".

I think I am getting ready to file (have not yet, for some reason). I found a new lawyer that I really liked. Getting ready to move forward with this piece.

Always thanking MB and the great people on this site for keeping my sanity through all this mess.

Thanks for the update, estrela! I am so glad to hear your mother is staying with you. Has she moved in?

You sound so good!

Good for you, Estrela!