Things are terrible. Enduring steady stream of abusive lovebusters. He spewed forth another angry and irrational tirade this morning, and I sit here fighting back the tears. He has launched a full-fledged attack against my family members and I'm frightened that he's causing irreparable damage. Knives to my heart....

The affair is ongoing and I have obtained sufficient evidence to satisfy myself that he is addicted.

I now see him as a drunk driver who runs over everything and everyone in his path not caring one iota about the destruction he causes. My heart is breaking and there is a battle raging in my own head whether or not I want to save this marriage.

The affair is ongoing and I have obtained sufficient evidence to satisfy myself that he is addicted.

I now see him as a drunk driver who runs over everything and everyone in his path not caring one iota about the destruction he causes.

My heart is breaking and there is a battle raging in my own head whether or not I want to save this marriage.

But I usually encourage wives to separate after about three weeks if their husband is still in contact with his lover. My experience has taught me that the health of most women deteriorates quickly and significantly while living with an unfaithful husband. Men, on the other hand, tend to be able to weather the storm longer with fewer emotional or physical effects. I call the strategy of complete separation Plan B.

In addition to avoiding health problems, a separation also helps a betrayed spouse hang on to what remains in their spouse's Love Bank account. Daily interaction with an unfaithful spouse causes such large withdrawals, that a separation with no contact between spouses can actually help the marriage by temporarily freezing the betrayed spouse's Love Bank. When the affair is over, the betrayed spouse is less likely to divorce when the unfaithful spouse wants to give the marriage a chance to recover.

Yet another advantage to separation is that some of the basic needs met by the betrayed spouse suddenly disappear. This is especially true when a couple has children. An unfaithful spouse often overlooks the betrayed spouse's contribution to the family. While the lover may meet two basic needs that were unmet by the betrayed spouse, the betrayed spouse may have been meeting the other three that cannot be easily met by the lover. During a separation, the unfaithful spouse can become acutely aware of what he or she is missing.

When a betrayed spouse decides that it's time to separate, I recommend complete separation with absolutely no direct contact (Plan B). The unfaithful spouse should be given the choice of having contact with the betrayed spouse or the lover, but not both. Someone should be appointed to go between spouses, delivering messages and children during visitation. But until the unfaithful spouse promises to completely end the affair, with absolutely no contact with the lover, the separation should continue. After the separation has lasted two years, with the unfaithful spouse's contact with the lover continuing, I generally recommend a divorce.

. . . right now your tears are the prize for his efforts to put this on you. He can't do that without your active help, and quite frankly, by doing NOTHING to fight him, you're behaving as his best ally in this battle.

By doing what you are doing, you will not save the marriage.

Your only chance to save it is to STOP doing what you're doing and make a move.

Have you noticed that us posters seem to be pretty peeved and frustrated about your situation? That's a sign that we see the train coming but little movement on your part. We aren't here writing to you for our health, but out of a genuine concern and desire for you to improve your life. You should have a similar desire.

Make a move, Deb.

Although not readily apparent to any of you, I am aware that my wishbone is transforming into a backbone.

So sorry for what you are enduring. Have you ascertained how much of your marital funds have gone to this young skank?
Once you figure out if WH has bought her a car, rented her an apartment, etc., you can call her mother again. Let her mother know that her daughter will be hauled into court and sued for your half of the marital assets that were spent on her. OW will owe you for half of everything WH has spent on her. Her mother might get thru to her if you are talking about money she can't repay. You have to run her off. Just a thought. GF

I already informed my husband that our crippled marriage is OVER and that we will have our respective legal counsel hammer out the details of a marital property settlement. I asked him to move out today. I scheduled a locksmith to change the locks tomorrow morning.

What made you decide to end your marriage?

I am however worried that he won't move out today as requested and will kick the door in tomorrow when he discovers the locks have been changed. He has proven an unwillingness to control his anger and his actions are frightening. If he threatens me with an angry outburst, I will call the police.

My family law attorney is on vacation this week, but I am hoping my husband will cooperate with my requests. If not, I will not rely on plan "hope". I will get a restraining order ASAP. Even if my attorney is out of town, there are advocates available who have priority access to local judges and are capable of running the paperwork through the court system and getting him served in a very quick amount of time.

Any other suggestions as to how I should immediately proceed?