MM, you said that the whole company probably "knows already."

they only know what they have been told by the waywards! this is why exposure is important - you get the truth out there and it underminds everything they try to say or do. even if people say they don't believe it, they will be skeptical in their listening/seeing from the point of exposure on. however, the fallout from exposure is typically positive for the BS. remember, when you expose, you request *help for the M.* have you looked at the exposure thread in mel's sig line for letter templates?

you are going to have a rough weekend, i'm sorry. it's one thing to have doubts, it's a whole nother thing to have them confirmed in black and white. but this will give you POWER! do expose on her side as much as you can. again, those people only know what they have been told, typically along the lines of "already separated," "M has been bad for a long time," etc - a bunch of wishy-washy nonsense! seeing a living, breathing family unit on the other end changes the perspective. it's no longer just WH being there acting all lovey dovey in front of them - it's a loving wife and unhappy children as ghosts in the background.

my point is: never assume what people know. make it clear.

hang in there momma. keep posting so we can help you with spoken and written words. remember, no reply to anyone needs to be immediate.

Yes, when we were in counseling he kept bringing up how I had been unhappy for years and dwelled on his mistakes before we moved. I said yeah, but you had ample opportunites to correct that sitch at the time and wouldn't, now that we have moved on why are you just now bringing this up now?

Like she is helping him see I was mean to him. I have heard words come from his mouth that sounded just like a woman. (I should have been holding his hand in his hour of need when his mom was in the hospital but I left him there...Because we had the huge fight where he nearly ran us off the road when I tried to touch his cell phone and he told me to consider himself NOT MY HUSBAND ANYMORE.) So yeah, he tries to spin it. IDK. The betrayal is really deep and long term. Not sure if I care what those people even think.

Okay. If I do workplace exposure, just do his boss, HR, etc. or go with that corporate call line? I KNOW they take that line seriously, he complained about issues with it all the time. Which is how I even knoew about it.

MM

I also noticed several of her facebook friends are HR supervisors and employees out there.
MM

MM, just keep in mind that if you get divorced, you will have no choice about your children being around those trashy people. Your H will be getting your children during visitation so you will have no choice in the matter. And that is very likely to happen if don't expose because the affair will thrive if you keep it a secret.

Even if you don't decide to continue your marriage, you should expose the affair unless you want to be attending weddings, funerals with the OW for years to come. Do you want her to be accepted with open arms into your husbands family? Thats what happens if you don't expose. She gets accepted in all those circles.

If you don't expose, everyone else will just buy whatever spin your H and the OW tell them about the demise of your marriage. Do you want the infidels to control the story of the demise of your marriage?

I would caution you against making the decision to abandon your marriage now. Your marriage can possibly be saved. No one would fault you if you got divorced, but there is hope here. Keep in mind that if you get divorced, your kids WILL BE exposed to the OW and you will have to go back to work eventually to support yourself.

I would suggest that you proceed as if you were going to save the marriage and just keep your options open. If you don't, then you just eliminate that option in the future.

You really should expose the affair at work so he loses that job. There is no way he can continue to work in the same place as the OW. Not to mention the fact that he is not fit to be a manager. At least not at that company. You said yourself that he has other opportunities.

Workplace exposures are extremely effective in busting up affairs. More often than not, the affairees are quietly transferred and/or separated. But I don't think this will make it if you don't expose at work.

After you expose the affair, you can confront your husband. I would also make plans to confront the OW. Perhaps your sister in laws will go with you?

Did you read my exposure thread about exposure targets?

Do the HR director, his boss, a key VP AND the hot line. Be sure and cc all them in your letter. And SIGN your letter. BritsBrat wrote a template letter which is posted on my exposure thread.

Great!

This is CLASSIC rewriting of history. The purpose is to rewrite history in a poor light as a justification for the affair.

If you decide to try and save your M, one of the ways to do that will be to create EP's to protect your marriage from future affairs. One of these EP's will have to be not working in an environment that is wrought with inappropriate sexual conduct and A's. So, this job is going to need to go anyway.

Expose. Confront?

Kiddo, if done correctly, "confront" will be a passive, not an active, verb in your situation ("You were confronted..." as opposed to "You confronted...").

He should go - how is it phrased? oh, yes - "bat-[censored] crazy" when he learns that all his contacts, personal, fraternal, commercial, professional, have been informed that he's been "getting his meat where he gets his bread"!

I wouldn't count on that. It sounds like OW is using her sister's place as her pig pen, for rutting with your husband. Wait to see what your PI finds out. I know you are probably very confused about exposure now, and I'm very sorry about that after experiencing a hugely positive, affair-killing result of exposure at my husband's workplace. I don't want to distract this thread further by saying more than that. I would take out as much as you can. Don't empty the account, though. Of course you are, sweetie You don't need to make any decisions right now. But you are welcome to vent whenever you feel you need to vent.

Okay, I'll say one more thing about exposure in the workplace and then I'll shut up. I mean it this time

I've already told you that exposure at my H's workplace killed the affair that day. THAT DAY, MM. There was some time there, where we weren't sure if my H was going to keep his job, his employer was so pissed at his actions. He wasn't fired, though.

You say that you suspect that 'everyone knows already'. What they may 'know' is what OW and your WH have let them know. His employer may have an inkling that something is going on. They may be looking the other way since it doesn't appear that the affair is an issue. Your appearance on the scene could change that whole dynamic. Picture it: a betrayed wife with children - especially one with critical needs as your son has - shows up, raising hell about this adulterous affair that is being furthered by their continued employment together.

Now they're going to have to address it.

Mad ... the key to remember is if she left her husband then your husband has made promises to her and more often than not those promises are for financial security (Your money ... the money from your marriage... I would bet he has promised her this gem).

Women do not leave unless they think there is something better on the otherside. Your husband's finances are likely her meal ticket.

If this affair doesn't get stopped soon, she will be getting more and more and more of his money.

Many and I mean many WH's use their financial success to keep what they think is something better. Often times the skank OW won't stay around long if the money runs low.

Workplace exposure will help protect you.

MM, I promise you not everyone knows about the A�.maybe people in his specific plant but definitely NOT at the corporate level. As part of my corporate role, I deal closely with Helpline Complaints and can promise you if you call, it will be investigated. It is VERY important that you tell them he is using company time and company resources to perpetuate the A. Simply doing that will cause them to do something�if he is not using company time and resources for the A, it is likely they will at least tell him to stop or, as my EVP of HR put it to two VP�s who were having an A, �cut that $%^& out!� They will be under a microscope from there on out.
We had a plant manager who was having an A with a Health & Safety Manager at his plant�.my company resolved the �conflict� by transferring the plant manager to the other side of the country!!! LOL!

If you do call the Helpline, you will be able to remain anonymous but make sure you give them enough information to invetigate, including the names of everyone including your WH, OW/OW's

I am so scared! You have nearly convinced me. But I really am unsure about the risks.

Yesterday noon, he went and parked my car behind her sister's house, but not too well. My friend across the street got a good pic. he went around front (no back door)and banged until the sister's teen son let him in. He had been at the plant so I'm sure he went to sleep. The women were both at work (day shift) and the PI said they would see what happened when they got off. Nothing really happened. Then there got to be severe weather, and the team was called off.

Well, later my friend called me. She told me she had just got home but her mom who lives next door told her this story. After the storm, the mom saw a trash can in the road and thought it was hers so went out to get it. It was actually the sister's and she came out and started talking to the mom, along with the teenage son. The Sister told mom that her sister/OW and kids had been staying with her lately. She also asked her son why WH had not come out and got the trash can when he heard it rattling around? Son said he didn't know, WH had been in there asleep all day.

Well, after a few minutes, the front door opened and WH and OW came out, dressed up to go out, got in OWs car and left together. Mom was shocked, he walked right by her and said NOTHING. He knows her, she goes to our/MY church!

I called the PI and he sent someone over, but by the time they got there it was too late. They came home and went in the house without anything to show for it. Later, WH was on the move again. It looked like someone was in the car with him but they couldn't see who. He went to a shopping center parking lot, sat for a moment, then proceeded to the plant and went inside. The PI team was unable to get there fast emough to see who went with him and I haven't heard anything today yet. THEY HAVE TO CATCH HIM!!!!!!

Maybe he wondered if he was being followed. But why would he park the car so carelessly at her house and walk right out in front of friend's mom, then worry if someone followed him to work? Where there's nothing to see anyway. He makes absolutely NO sense at all.

Does he not care? Is it easier to get caught than to have to confess to me personally?

Hope someoone comes here on Saturdays. I am getting scaed about the money, and we'll never catch him, and what'll I do about the workplace thing? He is crazy. IDK what is going on.

Thanks,
MM

Getting more info and thinking more about workplace exposure. Locating email addresses for the HR manager, his secretary, bosses etc. Especially the few people I have met and might see me as a real person.

Talked to a friend who agreed I should do WP exposure. IDK.

Haven't heard a thing from PI team. All the cars are gone from her house. I bet they went to the lake. He had a new tent and airbed in his trunk. Said he got them at an auction. Said he might take the kids camping. I just thought he meant OUR kids!

Crap!

MM

So your friend's mom saw them coming out of the house together but PI didn't get any evidence?

On the money can you move some funds now? He gets paid next Friday, correct?

I think you are too focused on the PI "catching them in the act".

Use the tools you have at your disposal: Exposure!

Read the Exposure link on melodys signature and prepare your exposure letter. I don't understand why you haven't done this already, aside from fear of action.

I know, I AM focused on the PI getting the goods. The PI wasn't there when the friend's mom saw them.

I asked my friend's opinion because she is here to support me. If I decide to do WP exposure and I lose my income, she will be here to support me. I don't even have internet at home to get support here.

I've gotten more email addresses from work for HR manager and his secretary, who have both met me and maybe would see me as a real person. IDK.

I AM getting the exposure letters composed at the moment.

Yes, the money goes into the account on next FRIDAY. I have to get that money, or at least try, before I do anything. How about planning to get the money FRIDAY, and then the exposure letters go out, including the WP exposure and calling or email reporting to the complaint line I mentioned? On the complaint line you can be anonymous, but they give you a PIN code so you can call back or log in online and check the status of your complaint. That seems good there, right?

I took out all the money I could the other day, although I had originally agreed I had all I needed. That was before I saw he was blowing every dime on that trash! Last night when they went out, he used his debit card so I saw where they went. He's down to $28 buck with a week until payday. I think he'll be overdrawing the account although he won't even know it since he never keeps track of things.

Sorry to be a wishy washy wimp. This is tough. Maybe I should make sure I get my son's drugs paid for for the month before launching WP exposure. And it would take awhile for them to investigate and term him anyway, right? Maybe I could get through to another payday and get that money before he does too. IDK. IDK. IDK. IDK. IDK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MM

Waywards mistakenly believe they can deny everything and that as long as they don't actually get catch in bed having sex with an affair partner, that nobody can PROVE adultery. They THINK they can explain away all contact with their OP ("Other Person") as "we are just friends".

The wall of denial is steep but remember...in the end, you don't have to convince your husband he's having an affair...HE KNOWS. Technically, you've probably already got enough circumstantial evidence to prove Adultery in a court of law. The testimony of your friends mother indicating he was in that house alone with the OW "napping" coupled with all the other circumstantial evidence is enough for a reasonable person to conclude he's having sex with her.



Does your husband have 401k or other retirement funds? If so, be sure to make a copy of all bank statements and such and on Friday you'll also want to call whatever institution/bank that is holding those funds and put them on notice that you and your husband are having marital problems and that they should be sure to tag the accounts as locked or whatever. In order to withdraw retirement/401k monies you husband would have to get his wife's signature on a withdrawal form. Wayward husband's have been know to forge their wife's signature and withdraw the money anyway. Sure it's illegal but once the monies gone...it's hard to get back (though sometimes the bank can be held responsible). Put them on notice that they need to double check any signatures that come in on those accounts as a possible divorce case is likely in the near future.

Mr. Wondering


p.s. - another thought. Can the PI lend you a hand held digital voice activated recorder (or wristwatch) that you can keep with you at all times. Often the best evidence of adultery is the waywards own statements on the phone or in private that they THINK they can deny ever saying later on. Having a recorder handy gives you an opportunity to record those conversations. If you get the chance, you could hide one in YOUR car that you said your WH was driving.