You know another thing that's really embarrassing? When your family gets wind of the affair and they don't say anything to you, because you're a poor, pathetic, in-the-dark betrayed spouse.

Affair-news has a way of getting back to people. Get to them first. Stand up tall and tell them now. Show them that you are in control.

Expose Exposure 101

And then affair proof your marriage.

And then have your wife take a poly. Polygraph Testing

I'm back... Wish I had good news, but I don't. Not really anyway. I'm going to say this now, I wish I had done EVERYTHING all of you told me to do.

Things had been going pretty well, had a good vacation, working through things, but still had a feeling in the back of my head that things weren't right. I still have the keylogger on my laptop (The one both of us use). I got home from work today, and she said she had to change her FB password, due to a hacker warning. I got the computer as soon as she was done, checked the keylogger, and my heart dropped again. She had changed the password a few times, first was "alwaysluvjt" (OM first and middle initial) second was "alwaysluvjto"(full initials) then changed it to "jttipsy&shiloh"(OM initials, and dogs names).

The only contact I know of between them is she had a VM on her phone when she left work, and it was him.

Should I leave the keylogger up, so she sees it? Or should I break it out that I know right now?

Then I don;t know if I should leave, or stay???

First I must say, if you have been married less than 3 yrs and have no children together, and she has already cheated on you twice (that you know of)...move on. She is not marriage material and you should be happy to find that out NOW instead of 10 yrs from now with a handful of kids to worry about.

But, if you are interested in recovering there are VERY specific steps that must be taken. Seems to me you did not take these, and any suggestions for you to do so were met with ... 2 months of silence.

Are you serious NOW? If you are, order the book Surviving An Affair. If you have not already read it and applied its principles, you need to. Your wife has a major boundary issue, and that needs to change PRONTO in the line of some very specific extaordinary precautions. For instance, NO FACEBOOK. She has proven to you that she cannot handle a facebook account without utilizing it to do deceptive things, therefore she should no longer have a facebook account. In your case, that list of EP's needs to be LONG. And she needs to know these are EP's FOR LIFE, not just until you 'get over' her A's.

I'm no expert on exposure, but listen to the vets that are.

You keep saying you have a feeling there is more. Trust your instinct. If I had trusted my instinct I would have saved myself years of grief. If your instinct is telling you there is more, there is. You can find that out by demanding a poly.

Start with that.

FYI. I have been 'in recovery' for 2 yrs, all with a decently remorseful spouse, and the last 6 months with a fully remorseful will do anything to fix this spouse. I have a 13 yr marriage and 3 beautiful children. Even with all that, there are MANY days I want to throw in the towel. Recovery from adultry is HARD WORK. Even with two fully invested people with many, many reasons to recover, it is VERY hard work. Is a 3 yr marriage to a woman who continues, even in 'recovery' and in her 'remorse', to use her OM's NAME as her password on her computer, worth it?

Whataboutme, what MB concepts have you used to recover your marriage?

I concur with Gloveoil.

Don't tell her about the keylogger or any other snooping techniques you have in place - ever.

AM

I revealed that I knew about the password, and found some other messages from the night before. She was telling someone that she knows he is a POS, and would never go back, but he had called and wanted her to come back... and they had texted back and forth for 6 days. She also said that OM previous GF is now back in the picture, and she is wondering why he is so into the GF, when she is into drugs and prostitution.

So much fog...

She wants me to be honest about my feelings to her, but she doesn't do the same to me. She says her head is messed up, from wondering whats wrong with her, why OM just stopped calling, then started with this other piece of trash women.

She couldn't see what was so wrong with this whole state of mind.

I stayed calm and collected, stated my feelings on the matter, and told her I was VERY close to the end of my rope. I was not going to "fix" this by myself, I had done all I could do, and she had to take charge NOW.

As far as the MB concepts, I have gone through the exposure 101, been working hard on the Lovebusters, even as tough as it is.

My biggest issue right now is that I feel like I'm in second place, and I'm tired of it.

WVa,

she is wondering why he is so into the GF, when she is into drugs and prostitution.

For the sake of your health get rid of her, if she is willing to have sex with someone who she KNOWS has sex with a prostitute/druggie she has absolutely no reguard for you. She's trying to reform someone horrid person, who's trying to reform someone even more horrid.

God Bless
Gamma

Who did you expose to?