My wife and I separated in February. We have 50/50 custody. We exchange custody ever 2 or 3 days.

My daughters are 8 and 3.

We have a routine where we talk to kids almost every night before bed. This has setup a situation where I have to talk to WW almost every night. Is it really important to talk to the kids every night. I don't think DD8 really cares if she talks to the other parent every night (she sees us every couple of days).

Thanks!!!

Rather than stopping talking to the kids, how about if you stop talking to each other instead? It's possible. Either set up a time when the 8year old will answer the phone herself, or have her dial the phone. 8 is old enough to use a phone without a parent on the line.

Then she can give it to the 3yo.

Are you completely done with the marriage?

Let the kids decide.
At 6:30 every evening I ask, It's time to call mommy. Does anyone want to talk to mommy?
If anyone answers yes I give them the phone. If not, I dont force them.

I don't speak to my ex wife and have not since leaving the Divorce Courthouse.
For more information on parallel parenting visit the notable posts thread and click on parallell parenting

My post did not accurately capture my concern. My concern is when the kids call and the other parent does not pick up the phone. How does that make the kid feel? I'm worried that they are disappointed when no one answers and they have to leave a message.

This does not happen very often (maybe a couple times a month on each side). My oldest called me at 9:30 last night and I missed the call. She left a nice message saying I love you.

I think we are setting them up for occasional disappointment.

Based on how Frequently we exchange custody I don't think my DD8 cares. She rarely initiates the call by herself. It's usually me or her mom dialing the number and handing her the phone prior just before bed.

I'm not sure that setting the expectation for a phone call every night is what we should be doing.

I'll look at the parallel parenting thread.

I am not interested in reconciliation.

Thank You

Parents should always be available to take a child's call, or at least return it right away. If you do not set up set times, you set your whole life to be available. Set a time.

I am married and live with my kids, but unless someone is bleeding or on fire, I am not available after 9pm. Set a time! Be available! Kids 8 and 3 should be in bed before 9:30 anyway.

Yes i deal with the same thing. Especially when i tell him i will call, he says ok, then she doesnt answer.

My reasons for calling are two fold at this point. I want him to know even though he can not see me all the time, i want him to know that i am always there for him.

We are also planning to raise him to be a believer in Christ. I feel this is also a good way to teach him, that even though he can not see Jesus, he is always their for him as well.

I am sorry to hear you are not interested in reconciliation....

Phoenix, how were you able to get 50/50. I would love that. Right now it is 60/40 only because i have him extended periods in the summer, i would much rather have him more throughout the year.

I actually tallied up the days once and i had him 60/40. Due to her schedule, taking trips, etc.

I miss the little guy terribly when he is away.....


Blessings....

Kids are relatively technology smart these days. So what I did is I added a basic cell phone to my family plan for my kids. They had their own special ring when I or their mother called and allowed each of us to speak to them independently. The added benefit is that not only can I talk to my kids whenever I or they want to but I don't have to talk to my ex unless I absolutely need to. It didn't take much to teach them how to use it; even my 7yo can.

Here it is.
Parallel Parenting

As for the 50/50, my state is conservative but does, in general, split custody if they view both parents as fit. I hired a PI and figured out how to pull backed up iPhone text messages from iTunes (things like hatch plan to dump kids on dad were said). Couple that with fact that my WW is an attorney who did not want her reputation damaged via trial, 50/50 custody was never an issue.

Adultery is not supposed to be relative to custody but if you get the right judge it matters. I never had to judge shop cause it never got that far.

60/40 is not bad in some states - from what I have read.

My kids have phones but my daughter often can't locate hers or it's out of battery. So, since I call around the same time, if I have to use my ex's number she usually hands it to my daughter. We talk every night as well - we have a little "good night" routine we do.
Likewise, if the exww calls on my phone, if I'm with the kids I always hand it to one of them.

My interactions with the ex are cordial and polite and always short and directly related to something going on with the kids or schedules, logistics.
opt

I think you mentioned on another post that you planned on running a marathon.
I planned on running a marathon in NC but I can't due to lack of child care.
I did run a half marathon last weekend. 1:49.

Hopefully a moderator would be willing to give you my email contact upon request.

I wish you the best of luck.
Take care

I subscribed to your thread so I think I will receive updates when you post them.

Are you running in the marathon this weekend?
I wanted to be there but my sister in law can't watch my kids so I can't.