I am new to this forum and I apologize if my story is long, but here it is. My wife and I have been married for nearly three years. We have been together for about 7 years and have been through a lot together. Back when we were younger we initially dated for about 9 months and she left me for another guy. About a year later she came back and we dated for about 3 years and then got married.

We did have our typical marriage problems such as communication or criticism. She also had a tendency to be extremely irresponsible and this added stress as I would have to pick up more responsibility for the both of us. We have had multiple talks about the things each of us needed to change to improve our marriage, and she even admitted that I had been doing much better with my part. Things seemed to be fine until about 2 months ago. She works at a school and about 4 months ago she was offered a promotion for a new position that was being created. She and her boss, the principal, were working together to develop the new program.

Well back during June and July she was on a 2 week vacation from work. She stated that her boss, who is 38 she is 28, was having a pool party and that her and some of her friends from work were going over there to swim. I didn't mind at all I trusted her and didn't think anything of it. She ended up going over there the next 10 out of 12 days, which I wasn't exactly happy with, but she told me that it was always a couple of them over there, never just him and her,. She finally was off vacation, so I thought "okay this is all done, she had her fun now life goes back to normal". Well that monday after she got off work, she told me she was going swimming again. She came home kind of late for a work night and I wasn't exactly happy, I simply told her that I really was not comfortable with her going over there so much and that I wanted to spend some time with her. She apologized and said okay.

Well, the next day I came home from work and she told me she was going for a walk with one of her girlfriends. I didn't think anything of it, said okay and she left. I thought about it for a second and then drove by his house, she had lied and she was over there. I called her out on it and erupted and called her every name in the book (wrong I know). She then told me that nothing was going on, but that she hadn't been happy for along time and she wanted a divorce. She claimed I was negative all of the time and I was to critical of the way she acted.

She claimed she was living with her friend and her parents, but later that week I drove by his house and saw her car out there early in the morning three days in a row, I took pictures the third day to have evidence in case she wanted to mess with me. And then eventually his garage door was always closed and his car was in the driveway. I called her out on this as well and she still denied it. Over the next two weeks I kept in contact only to discuss splitting up our stuff, but of course these conversations would spill over into arguments and things became a little crazy, but eventually we were able to reach an agreement and got all of our paperwork done.

Last Monday I called her to see if she had time to go file the papers, as we are doing a dissolution in Ohio, and this has to be filed jointly. While I was talking to her she said she was painting her friends bedroom, because it was the least she could do, for letting her stay there for free. She told me this knowing that I was keeping tabs on her for the past month. Later that day my brother and I drove by her bosses house, and the curtains were open, and my brother noticed a ladder with a paint can on it. I verified that she had been in fact painting his house for him, but she couldn't clean off a coffee table in our home for 6 years, jeez. I called her out on this and she still denied it and told me I was a stalker and creepy for driving by his house. We finally filed the papers last Wednesday, where she told me she got a new job. She claims it is so she can support herself financially, but I think it is so she can pursue the relationship with her boss. Do I still expose this affair to her school, even though I do not want her back, because she is toxic. I am 29 and we have no kids, so I know I have a lot of opportunity now to find someone great. Sorry this was so long, just had to get it off my chest.

Welcome to MB and sorry for what's brought you here.

Is OM married?

He is her boss, correct?

Have you read this?
Exposure 101

No, he is 38, successful, and never been married. And yes it is her boss. All of my family knows, her friends know, and her parents know. Her parents probably care, but they also give her whatever she wants and believe the reason she left had nothing to do with him. Her maid of honor will no longer talk to her because of this and many other reasons, but she has had my back through the whole thing. She never really had a ton of friends, except my friends and their wives. She has basically lost every relationship she has had in the last 10 years lately, but she just doesn't see to care. She claims she has made a ton of new friends and that her life is wonderful. My question is should I still expose it to their work, as I know deep down inside it would be simply a vengeful act, to make him suffer, plus she is changing jobs in a week anyway, she doesn't care about her job there.

He is a principal and was her boss.

Doesn't the school have rules against that? I wonder how many others he has done this to?
Thread to help newly Betrayed Spouses

Well, why shouldn't he suffer?? Dude, bring Hell to his doorstep! Your WW may not care about her job, but I wonder how he feels about his? Besides, he doesn't need to be in the position he's in if he's capable of this.

The biggest issue I have is that I have no real evidence, all I have is my word and my family who has seen what I have.

Can you afford a PI for a couple of days? And you can rest assured that there is a TON of incriminating evidence on their work email accounts. More than enough to get this POS's [censored] fired. Do whatever you have to do to get the evidence you need.

I highly doubt it, because he is not stupid. The only way they communicate is through their cell phones I'm sure, but probably not even that much considering she is living and working with him. If she needs to say anything to him, he is there. He knows he would be in trouble and is covering his tracks pretty well. And trust me I would love to see this POS get fired, but I do not want to stoop to her level and act with vengeance. I would like to be the bigger person and just let her go, but part of me wants to go out with a boom, just very confused on what the RIGHT thing to do is at this point. I do appreciate your insight though, thanks.

I'm a bit confused as to what you want the result to be, so therefore cannot formulate a proper recommendation.

- She was staying with her boss, so I'm forced to assume that he is not married.

- You have together filed for dissolution of the marriage, so obviously you're not avidly hoping for a reconciliation.

- I don't think Ohio is an A of A state, or one which heavily penalizes the wayward in divorce actions. MB: Help?

- You have no children (Thank God!) so custody is not an issue.

- She's actively working on no longer working for POSOM, which would open her and him to ongoing working environment issues.

What are you asking us to help you with?

If your aim is to embarrass and discomfit them for their illicit liaisons while they were working together, okay, but you're likely to get a whole range of yawns from administration. They will be much more concerned with not creating waves than protecting YOUR interests, especially now that you have begun dissolution actions.

From my own thread:
Ahh, yes, the American, or at least, New York State, public education system � more destructive to the marriages of the employees thereof than Facebook. An insular community, with a female/male ratio of maybe 10-to-1, dominated by an �us-against-them� mentality, where growth in performance expertise is most usually achieved via the �mentor� system, and where �administration� is abjectly terrified of risking the Union�s displeasure by imposing discipline and standards of conduct � can there be a system more conducive to fostering inappropriate attachments? A teacher-friend told me that any male teacher, who doesn�t get something going on the side with one of the female teachers, has to be gay. His words, folks, not mine! But, check out the divorce and remarried-to-coworker rates at your local school system.

This sucks, but you'll be better prepared to protect your next marriage, from the lessons you learned this time.

I'd be willing to bet that you are wrong on this. Waywards are stupid and careless. Been proven way too many times. They may think they have covered themselves by deleting emails, but those email ghosts are easily recoverable. Don't for one second underestimate the stupidity of the people involved here.

If I were you, and knowing what you know, I would contact the school board and tell them what you suspect and why. I seriously doubt they would just sweep this under the rug if you do it properly. If you're wrong, then what have you lost? There are templates here that can assist you with the verbiage.

3 years, no kids, get the hell out. But make this POS suffer for messing with the wrong man.

This is just me though. Others will probably have differing opinions.

NG, I certainly respect you (you know that), but do you think he should be making no efforts at all in creating waves in this? People like this have NO business holding the positions they do. These are people that are charged with the responsibility of our children's education and well being while not in the care of their parents.

I can see where it might be a futile effort, as you have pointed out, but does that negate the moral effort to at least try and out this scuz for what he is?

Viper, I'm asking him!

People like this have NO business holding the positions they do.

That may be your opinion, and it's certainly mine, but it isn't going to be that of the Supervisor's or Teacher's Unions, and therefore not likely to be a hot button with the administration.

It's his money, effort and emotional investment that will have to be committed. If he chooses that path, I will be in the front giving him ideas to make his case.

The last time we had a BS of a skank-teacher, I suggested driving a panel van SLOWLY back and forth past the school during student drop-off, with a sheet draped on it painted with "Hey Parents, do you know the Principal of this school is banging one of the Teachers?" (This was, of course, after the school board gave the old "ho-hum".) Anyway some of the colleagues here though I was being.....unruly, and advised the BS not to proceed. Such a shame; we didn't get the result of that to judge its effectiveness.

LOL, okay, I missed the sarcasm of your post. Ironic coming from me, huh?

We usually are on the same page, albeit different in our delivery.

Trying to help here and dealing with a wine drinking Alzheimer's patient is a tough task to accomplish sometimes.

I think this should be exposed to the school board and administration. These are role models that are walking the halls mentoring our young folk every day. What the young people of this particular school witnessed would have been flirtatious behavior between their principal and the female MARRIED teachers under his leadership. Not to mention the fact that regardless of how big or small your community is, a bunch of teachers at a pool party every day is going to be talked about by the students. TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE. Major lack of boundaries by ALL of these role models/mentors/leaders. This needs to be addressed, if not to salvage your own marriage then to do the right thing.

And of course, to rain on this POSOM's parade.

Maybe the administration will do nothing, maybe they WILL. If not, is there a way to expose to the parents of this school? I think they have a right to know what type of people are teaching their kids.

If not, is there a way to expose to the parents of this school?

Go get 'em, UW! I'll paint the sheet, you drive the van!

Well, just to clear things up, she does not work for a normal school, it is a charter school for children with disabilities, so it isn't exactly ruled by a board like a regular school. The kids will not be talking either as most of them do not talk anyway. I just don't want retribution from her as she could become very vindictive and she knows private matters that I do not want aired. They are not about me, but about someone in my family. I just want this pain to be over with and be able to move on. I have had no contact for a week, the last day was the day we filed. And our court date for the dissolution already came through and it is the date of our anniversary. At least it came full circle.

As you can gather from my sig, I was once a parent of such a child. I can tell that I would have expected something to be done if such a thing happened at my kid's school. Disabled children are more vulnerable and need a greater level of protection and care. To have those adults in charge of providing that care engaged in illicit behavior is even more egregious than it would be in a normal school. If I were a parent of a child at that school, I would have appreciated knowing about this.

Well, indirectly you answered my question:

- I just don't want retribution from her as she could become very vindictive

- I just want this pain to be over with and be able to move on.

- And our court date for the dissolution already came through

So you DON'T want ideas, solutions, tactic, or strategies from us. You just want to vent. (Without knowing the content or potential damage within the "secret knowledge" there's no way for us to leverage you to go ahead with exposure. But you know that, which is why you did not reveal the big secret even on an anonymous forum.)

There is a Divorced/Divorcing support thread up above, for your future reference. All in all (3 years married, still under 30y/o, no kids) you will be all right.

(Viper - Now you see why I asked the question!)

I see what you were getting at now. Lesson to be learned here: Never skim NG's posts. Bad move.