:::snort::: BR, I am encouraged that you continue to help FlowerGirl - she doesn't know the gem she has in you.

I'm me last I looked...ROFL!

Well there has been plenty for TFG to read, along with the rest of the forum, and to note, Dr H has much experience and has had much succsess in marriage building.

It doesn't just happen, you have to build it, care for it, and it takes time.


Keep reading and learning TFG, and RA get away from her thread, she will get pizzed and react. But in the end, it will be about her and her relationships that are healthy.

Give up allready if that's what you want to do. We will back you but we would rather support reconciliation..

From your thread

Wow. Just wow.

So your version of marriage is working out for ya? So well that you couldn't possibly change it for the better?

You remind me of the story of Naaman. Healing from the leprosy that was killing was within his grasp, and he almost didn't take it. It required that he give up his preconceived notions, humble his pride, and do what somebody he hadn't met and didn't like suggested that he do.

You can have a good shot at a happy ending, too.

1. Stop trying to divert and blameshift away from your cruelty to your husband.
2. Whether you agree with the concept or not at this point, change your behavior so that you are keeping all men but AR at a great distance.
3. Learn what the other top Love Busters are that you commit, and stop them immediately. Even if you don't think they're important.
3. Learn what his top emotional needs (EN's) are, and meet them whether you feel like it or not, and whether you think they're important or not.
4. Keep reading and learning. Be teachable. Even when it's uncomfortable or even painful.

There it is, your chance at a happy marriage. None of us can stop you from continuing your destructive course. What we can do is advise you of things you can try that will turn you a different direction than the one you're going. You're headed straight for a divorce, and snapping and biting at the people who are trying to flag you down and get you turned around.

Your method straight-up hasn't worked. You have failed.

Aren't you ready to try something new?

That one actually made me chuckle as well.

TFG, this will be the only post I make to you because it's pretty obvious your skin is quite wafer thin and you really aren't at all serious about this. Seems to me your being here is nothing more than an appeasement to prolong whatever financial benefits you may gain from doing so. I have zero confidence that you are sincere with what you are doing, posting, and living.

Just what the hell do you want out of this board, and more importantly, your life in general?

What do you want? Seriously, how do you see your life proceeding from this moment forward?

Who is RA, CP? Did I miss a post?

RA=Rightabout her H.

I too was somewhay at a loss to define TFG's reason for coming here, so I went back to her opening note.

My daughter and SIL are marathoners. I heard them refer to a supposed fellow racer as a "Tee & Flee", so I asked them what that meant. A "Tee & Flee" is someone who signs up, and pays for the race, registers the morning of the event, and LEAVES after getting the highly decorated tee-shirt saying, "I survived the Podunk Classic Marathon!" They get to wear that shirt to the gym the entire next year, to the awe and wonderment of their peers, without the expenditure of sweat and effort.

TFG's first words to us were: I am here at the request (coersion?) of my husband.

The translation is: "I got the shirt! See ya!"

Yeah she is not interested in recovery, she doesn't even realize she is sick

It's all fine if we are nice and polite and cheering and smoochie poochie cutesy woo woo, but when the possibility of her doing some wrong even gets mentioned, watch out, both barrels, gone.

There's plenty to read and learn both on her thread and in MB as a whole. Balls in her court, or Tee-shirts in her gym bag

Lol NG, Tee and flee, good comparison

Two men are making their way through the jungle when they come upon a river of excrement. Having no way to go but forward, one man volunteers to go first. The second closes his eyes and waits for word.

"Well, how bad is it?"

"Not too bad, it only got up to my ankles!"

Eyes still closed, the second man jumps in, and immediately sinks to his chin.

"I thought you said it only got to your ANKLES!"


"Yeah, but I dove in HEAD FIRST!"



------


Definitely hard to see it while you are in it....

X2

Enabling is not being loving.

Yeah funny, the story somewhat reminds me of what I appeared to see in my late wife
Beautiful, personable, communicative, intelligent, but add to that, spiritual.

Now that NG brought up that phrase, I remember my daughter mentioning it when she helped sponser running events for charity.

Yeah all about vanity it is, how we look on the outside.

Yeah too thin skinned exactly

And RA, still reacting the same as he did during his engagement party, protecting his poor flower. I can imagine him living on edge, pacing the floor, as she reads the posts and reacts to them negatively, and finally comes to his damsels rescue...

Yeah we just don't understand...so he jumps on and try's to control the situation, further enabling her in her fantasy that she is blameless

The issue is as old as time itself, we have all seen it many times, and proper EPs could have prevented so much of it

Just like me, who in fear of losing such a wonderful beautiful spiritual personable, communicable, spiritual, and of course, misunderstood by the whole big mean world, enabled her by loving her anyways.

Sorry RA, she's all show. I'll look for your thread.

(I of course expect her to come here and call "unfair!!", because I DID say to take her time, read, then respond. Now I am being critical. But the world isn't gonna wait for her to get a thick skin, they are gonna eat her alive)

Hi Flower Girl!

Your husband speaks very highly of your gardening skills -- to the point where I must confess to a wee bit of jealousy. The most beautiful garden in a development of 400 homes ... wow.

Did you know before this how very proud he is of your skill? Sometimes we forget to tell our spouses the things we admire -- and sometimes we don't hear it when they say it cuz we are intent on hearing something else or we just aren't tuned in.

Can you tell us some stuff you admire about your husband? Sometimes it helps to get the yellow pad out and list it out. We forget in the business of life and before you know it our spouses turn from partners into impediments -- we want what we want when we want it!

"I WILL have my gazebo -- why does he care? I'm not bothering him because I got the guy across the street to help....besides he knows how important gardening is to me and if he cared anything about me at all he would WANT me to have my gazebo so obviously he doesn't care about me so I may as all make myself happy by putting up my gazebo."

I have a gazebo or two or ten or two hundred in my history....would you be willing to consider that that conversation could end differently with your husband excited about building the gazebo with you?

So, as you may have gathered, I LOVE to garden (400 homes ...... harrumph). I've only been doing it a few years and I have a lot to learn so I plant and watch.

One of the things I've been studying is pruning-- I love roses and from what I can gather, the angle at which you prune them and where you prune them determines how many blooms you get. How cool is that?

As I said, I'm still learning so sometimes I'll sit my bottom on the ground and really study a plant for a while, then take a walk and come back and study it some more before I bring out my pruning shears.

I've learned that what I cut away has a huge impact on the health and vigor of the plant. If I leave it alone, it will grow wildly and get all stalky on me -- and we both know what happens when plants get stalky --and refuse to bloom because all of its life energy is dedicated to growing in the direction it wants to grow.

Before you know it, it's a wild, tangled overgrown mess because I didn't prune.

Will you share with us what you love about gardening?

Welcome, TheFlowerMom.

Are you related to TheFlowerGirl?

I'm related only in spirit -- she and her husband touch me. They look worlds apart, but I see a whole bunch of misunderstanding and hurt.

I'd like to see them heal each other ... I truly think they can.

We think they can too, and we offer help with Dr Harley's Marriage Builders programme in order for them to do that. That's what this forum exists for.

Have you read the free materials on this site?

I have! Lots of really great free info -- amazing really that so much is available with a click.

It's made a huge difference in my life - I do, in fact have a gazebo or two or ten or two hundred in my past, but now my husband and I work side by side on many projects.

Thought you were coming on and were flowergirls mom at first lol, to give a piece of her mind

I see that you are not though, although her Mom could come here too

Welcome to marriage builders, where the bull hockey gets buried in the ground and provides plenty of nitrogen to grow the gardens

Lots of flowers here too

Welcome, TheFlowerMom.
What brought you to MB, TFM? Unfortunately most of us wind up here due to marital issues. I hope that's not the case for you, but we would be interested to know your background if you continue to post. It helps us gain perspective.

Maybe you could tell us how MB has worked in your marriage.

Your quote about the gazebos reminds me of a popular children's novel. The Little Prince, perhaps?

~optimism

Yes, please start your own thread and share with us, TFM.

I, too, thought you were Flower's mom.

I'm only a wannabe gardener (always said I had a black thumb), but I have at least 10 plants in my garden this year that didn't die, despite my best efforts.