Well to start my divorce from my ex was final in May, we were just short of eight years being married. We had a rocky marriage for the most part. There was drugs involved on his part and I stood by his side while he got himself together. He had a son that was five when we meet and I have had the joy of watching him grow up to be the young man he is today. We have a daughter that will be four next month. He is a great dad, I can not speak badly about him. We separated most of last summer and got back together during the holidays to try to work it out. In January I came home and he asked for a divorce ( it was not the first time we had talked about it) and I agreed. On my part the reasons I agreed was.. we had become like roommates for years there was no love and affection or any thing physical for years and I felt I deserve better, there was also always something going on with his family, and there was always someone living with us or over constantly. On his part he wanted it because I have a the bad habit of opening my mouth saying things that get taken the wrong way, and his feeling often got hurt, he also cheated and could not deal with what he did ( even though I was willing to try to move past it). We share joint custody of our daughter so we often see each other. I know it is good to be friends with your ex for your kids sake but we are like best friends. We call and talk just not about our daughter, we talk about our jobs, money, my school, our friends and family. We are often there to help each other. For example my truck broke down a few Saturdays ago and he dropped everything and spent the day working on it. I asked him earlier today if he would show me how to use the weedeater and if I could borrow it. He told me no he would come do it he did not want me to. His mom just had a stroke and no one could get in touch with him so I went to his house to tell him. He often calls asking me to look something up for him. The other day I went got the money from him to pay his truck payment while he was at work. These are just some examples of how close we still are. So is this normal?I am starting to wonder if something is still there between us? Also I wonder if I am hurting myself of every finding someone else by staying this close to him? Let me add he is living with another woman. I use to consider her a friend, not to long after he got his own place his friend who is her husband started beating her at my ex's house, well my ex stepped in and the husband left her and her kid there. So my ex being the guy he is took her and the kid in. He told me recently that after her divorce is final they are more than likely will become a couple. He said it is not like he goes out to meet anyone why not them become a couple. I have acted like everything is ok but inside I am so angry and hurt. He has also made some changes since the divorce too...like stopping drinking, stopping the company and reading his bible. So is our closeness normal?

myjess, Welcome to Marriage Builders.

So, you divorced after eight years of being married. And you both get along while discussing post-divorce stuff. He's moved on and is living with another woman. You're friendly with him.

What is your question? Please re-read your own post and answer.

Welcome to MB.

Until you remove yourself he will continue to have some of his EN meet by you.

Do you want to take yourself out of this cycle?

Have you read this? A Summary of Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts

Ok no I have not read that but I will. Do I want to take myself out of this cycle, no I do not but in the long run it maybe best if I do.

Myjess,

He's living with another woman. Don't you believe you deserve better?

Read this. Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders

I suggest you read Buyers Renters and Freeloaders by Dr Harley.

And if you were married to an addict for 8 years I encourage you to go to AlAnon.

You need to concentrate and focus on your health.

Ok Yes I deserve better. I wanted to clear it up he was not a addict for eight years just in the first few years. That is where some of my anger is coming from. I stuck by his side through a lot and now that it is better he is gone. Maybe I am just trying to hold on.

Have you joined AlAnon?

That is very curious. Have you spoken to the OW's husband to find out how long they have been having an affair? Is that why he starting beating her at your X's house? Did he catch them doing something?

Do you know for a fact your ex-husband's friend was beating his wife, or is it just a rumour?

The situation sure is convenient for your ex-husband and his "best friend"'s wife he's now shacking up with.

A man of character would not live with another man's wife, no matter how bad the situation. He'd refer her to the appropriate resources and get the heck out of that living situation. I don't live with crazy people and if the people I live became crazy, I'd be in a hotel that evening and my stuff would be moved out the next morning.

While it's convenient he does stuff like work on your car for you, I wouldn't interpret it as anything more than his role as a parent in making sure his child's mother has working transportation. It's completely unfair of him to be getting emotional needs of his met from you (talking on the phone for hours) whilst he's got another girlfriend. Meanwhile, you are just set up for disappointment when he suddenly decides to stop meeting your needs.