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Just what did he say to you that led you to believe it would result in a physical confrontation? I think he means that he knows himself, and HE is the one that would turn it into a physical confrontation.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Just what did he say to you that led you to believe it would result in a physical confrontation? I think he means that he knows himself, and HE is the one that would turn it into a physical confrontation. That's what I assumed as well, but just wanted to hear the other end of the conversation.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Oh, I see. I took it to mean that he would be so angry if he saw this man in person that he would not be able to control himself, because OM had slept with his wife. It had nothing to do with anything OM said - sleeping with LGI's wife was enough to invoke rage.
Anyway, enough from me. I'll let him answer!
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I don't know how much energy I want to devote to investigating that. If I'm wrong in thinking this way, please set me straight.
Well, since you ASKED....
All intelligent BHs struggle with that same cost/benefit analysis. Coming from a BH that had not found MB, and certainly wasted little CPU time thinking clearly, brutal and forceful interface with POSOM yielded the following, when FWW was ultimately considering her options:
And of course, POSOM, having turned tail and run,
weeping for cover, still quivering, until he died,
that I might yet inform Mrs. OM of his actions, was
not likely to provide her a suitable companion. He
wanted an easy piece of co-worker tail, NOT a long-
term commitment. WW had NO comfortable alternative-
life support system to imagine running to.
I never had to blatantly say, "Toots, it's my way or the disgraced divorcee highway!"
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Exposing OM keeps BOTH options open in this way
Option one, marital recovery:
Your wife sees you stand up for what is right, sees you protect her by running off the OM, you take down an enemy to the marriage and prevent future contact.
Option two, personal recovery:
How well do you think you'll be able to heal from this betrayal, knowing you let your attacker off scot free? That he is out making more victims and his poor wife is clueless while you have been mourning your marriage - it takes a couple years to heal from betrayal. Take it from someone who has had a faster than average healing period, it helps to dole a little justice. And its the right thing to do.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I'll refrain from telling you what I'm really thinking until you decide what you really want. Please dont, maybe what I need is some brutal honesty at this point. I think he means that he knows himself, and HE is the one that would turn it into a physical confrontation. Yeah, thats what I mean. Last time, although I was in a difficult state of mind having just returned home from my 3rd tour in Iraq, I had all but planned this guys death to the exact minute details of it. Thankfully, my sense got the best of me and I didn't follow through with it. But besides that, I KNOW for a fact when/if I see him, there will be not talking, just striking.
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Mel Lane reccomends taking a friend who can hold you back, but since he's in another country, you would be focusing on exposure, I expect.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Mel Lane reccomends taking a friend who can hold you back, but since he's in another country, you would be focusing on exposure, I expect. I am, he's gone for 2 weeks from what I read in the messages, and I'll deal with him when he gets back I suppose. Right now I'm just worrying about exposing (although her friends have all ignored me) and trying to figure out exactly what path I want to take. Whats ironic in all of this is that I seem to be the one acting like I did something wrong. After the first day when she was crying and apologizing and all, its almost like I'm the one that did something wrong and trying to get her to not leave me. Maybe I need to just try and pull myself together and just not talk to her unless she initiates it? 
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Just follow the plan. You talk when you have something plan-related to say. Needs meeting as in Plan A will involve you being affectionate and there for her. But it will also involve you standing tall, not taking abuse, and fighting the A. Have you read the carrot and stick of Plan A?
Dont worry about what she says any more than you would worry about what adrunk says. The A burns out their brains. You talk AT her.
Dont worry about her friends reaction either, that happens sometimes. It may well be she will care more about OM exposure - that happens too sometimes. What about her family? Your family?
Is anyone willing to call her and give her a good talking to?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Yeah I read it, her mom and sister have both talked to her, not sure what was said or how it went though.
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