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Abby, MB.com isn't just about marriage recovery, but personal recovery as well. This is NOT a marriage at all cost website. It may seem like it at times, but it's not. It's a website that gives you the tools for the best chance at recovering your marriage if at all possible. Sometimes it's simply not possible. It sucks and hurts to high heaven, but that's the reality in some cases.
I'm really worried about you. Stay here, and you WILL get the support and help you need from some of the best people I "know" to get through this.
We're here
Prayers with you
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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I have some pics, but my phone crashed and I had to retake some. No VAR...he found the one that was in his car and erased anything that might have been on there. He never said a word about finding it. He is very careful not to say anything "crazy" b/c he suspects I'm recording. I got a job offer to go work for a nice guy who happens to have his own office. When I told H about it, he flipped out saying that this marriage is over if I take the job, don't ask him for anything else, blah blah blah. I turned the job down like a dummy, and now I just resent him more and more everyday...ugh!My plan is to finish this semester of school and go full time in the summer so that I can graduate before moving on to the next phase of things. I have to get out of this "fake" wannabe marriage. He doesn't respect me the way I need to be respected. The other day my toddler told me she hated me and when I asked her why, she said..."my daddy said that." I have never heard her say that before and couldn't imagine where she got that from. Now, I know it's time for me to go.
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Thank you so very much for the support. Lord knows, I need it and feel like I have no one to lean on. I am so by myself, and yes, it does hurt to feel this way. I've always considered myself to be a strong, independent person, but this is crushing to my soul. Thanks again for everything.
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Yes, the closet is still locked and the wires are still in the attic. I asked him about the closet, but not the wires. He says the lock on his closet, cell, computer, etc, make him feel secure. Never mind the fact that it makes me feel insecure and he looks like he's hiding something.
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I turned the job down like a dummy, and now I just resent him more and more everyday...ugh! Call him up and ask if the job is still going. You need something to pay your lawyer with. You need to get what is rightfully yours in law from this creep. Finish school! Do that later, get your freedom first. Get OUT of there. Please, we are so worried about you. You can't pass up exits just because WH sneers and says it won't work. You already know he's a chikenchit liar. What a big powerful man keeping his wife under lock and key.He's a cheap bully. Its easy to see you are a strong, capable person. As long as you have you - you can do it . The other day my toddler told me she hated me and when I asked her why, she said..."my daddy said that." Abbi, there will always be a reason not to go. If you listen to those reasons, your daughter is next. She will be bullied too, after he's destroyed her relationship with you. Its all she'll ever know. It's all she'll ever expect from a man. Get her out of there. A womans shelter if need be.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Call him up and ask if the job is still going. No kidding.
Me (BH) FWW Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Call him up and ask if the job is still going. No kidding. Immediately
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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You guys are right. I am planning my "out" route. Thanks.
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I just read this thread...I agree, you need to get out asap! He acts like someone in the mob or something with all of his secrets and it could be dangerous. That he would teach your young child to say she hates you, that's deplorable!
He's been intimidating you and is a master an "control". All the more reason for you to get away. You need to talk to someone at a women's shelter and an attorney. Please, we're all concerned about you! I don't like that your mom lives next door to his other house, is there someone else you can go stay with?
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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You guys are right. I am planning my "out" route. Thanks. Keep us informed, Abi and remember there is only do or do not there is no try
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Can you get to a secure phone line and call a womens shelter?
He is highly abusive not only witholding money but food.
They might have some good tips and stratagems or legal aid advice.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Yeah, he does act like he's in the mob or something. I told him I just couldn't deal with it...proof or no proof of an affair. He swears up and down that there is nothing going on and that he loves me and does not want to be without me. The latest...he's stressing over "us" and it's affecting his health...he had to go to the dr. b/c of all the stress...yadda yadda yadda. Like I told him, he brought this on himself. He failed to realize that the longer she's employed, the more I resent him and it has gotten to the point where I just don't care anymore. It's one thing if I think you're cheating, but it's worse if you're cheating with someone that I KNOW is taking money out of our pockets on a weekly basis. He has no right to whine to me about our expenses as long as he pays her salary. In addition, all of this other stuff....the secrecy. He still keeps a lockdown on all the mail, computer, cell, bills, finances, etc. We have never had joint "anything" as far as bank accounts, utilities, etc. We don't file taxes together. Like I said, NOTHING as a couple. My name is, however, on our house in the country. Frankly, I've had enough of being treated like a nobody with no sense. The only thing I can say at this point is....DEUCES!
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Have you made any calls for help and advice?
Be aware he might be reading here.
If you are concerned find a safe computer/phone and notify the mods that this thread may be a risk to you.. They can advise you how to handle that...
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Update...I am still hanging in here trying to finish school. I have discovered so much, but can't reveal anything on here just yet. Just wanted you guys to know I am ok despite the marital situation. I am ok and for the first time in a long time, I feel good about the direction my life is headed. Maybe one day I'll write a book...lol Peace and blessings to all.
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