We were together for 6 years. I helped her raise her son and we have a beautiful little girl together. Somewhere along the last year she felt unhappy and decided to stray outside the lines. In steps OM. I had said to her "lets give fixing this a shot, but like most WS she just waited for me to make the smallest mistake and used that as her exit cue. Fast forward 5 months. her affair into a full blow relationship. Moved in with OM almost immediatly after she left us (her family), but one day she wanted back. I knew i shouldve left it alone considering she was still with OM, but the temptation to have her and my family in one piece was too great. We were talking, not fighting, we were smiling at each other. Her texts alluded to wanting to try to fix it. so we spent one day together. During this time we were feeling good. Bouncing happiness off each other. Then it got down to serious talk about what had happened to put us there. She just kept talking about how the OM and her have nothing in common and how she worries about her son. I said something along the lines of "it sounds like youre desparate. You never once mentioned anything about our daughter or me." Immediatly she back pedaled and went right back to the OM. Now its been 4 more months. over the last two weeks shes been talking and talking about making this work. We shared an afternoon just sitting and talking about how we both miss our best friend and that no one else gets who we are and what we mean to each other. I shouldve known better than to allow her back in while she still had other man. well, the day came where she said "im coming home". I believed in my heart that this was it. She broke it off with OM (or so i thought) and came home. It was wonderful for a few hours, then her mood switched and she became distant. Mind you, she had told me and some of her family and a large number of our friends that she was gonna make it work with me. Now i dont know if shes going back to OM. She moved into her sisters house and now just says she wants time to think about it. I thought her saying "im coming home" or "i missed my best friend and i want to make this work" were a commitment to giving it a shot, but shes making it sound like shes unsure now. I dont know if this is just classic cake-eating or if she really wants this, but doesnt know how to go about it. Any advice would be nice and if you need more details, just ask.

Welcome to MB. Sorry you find yourself here.

Quick question...are you two married?

W

no, but ive been married before and I know this site is called marriage-builders, but all the components of a marriage were there, just not the actual marriage.

Then you know there is a huge difference between being married and living together. It means your girlfriend is free to pursue new relationships. That is all that happened here.

My suggestion would be to get the book Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders and read up about why these relationships are so unsuccessful.

At some point you're going to have to put your foot down. She is cake-eating. You are acting like a doormat.

It's time to stand up for yourself and let her know this behavior is unacceptable. Until this "affair" is dead, you have no hope saving your relationship.

Please get this book until then here's a good read Buyer's Renters and Freeloaders