I understand the idea that I should run away from her.

One of the reasons I am staying in the house with her, is that I'm trying to get our house sold. We are underwater by $30-35k, so we'll have to pay this difference. My hope is to hurry this along by saying that we will move to Atlanta & start a new life.

I'm also trying to get some sense of emotional distance from her at the same time. My dislike for her grows daily. I am killing her with kindness right now.

Yes, she has some very big issues. I do think she is a narcissist. She lack empathy, extremely selfish, wants grand things in life (hence the expensive mattress - tempur-pedic), etc.

Yes I know I made a mistake in marrying such a woman.

I feel the last 8 years have been a waste of time:

1) 4 years ago She had innappropriate conversations with 2 men at the same time. She says she was trying to get the 'male perspective' on our marriage problems. We were going to counseling at the time anyway.

2) She believes in this notion "a happy wife is a happy life". That if the wife is happy, then the rest of the family (husband) will get happiness. That if I make her happy first, she'll then try to make me happy. I dont buy into this at all.

3) She really never has met any of my emotional needs. I have asked her to lose weight before we got married. She needs to lose about 70 lbs. This had never happened.

4) She uses manipulation & intimidation to complain about how I have not met her emotional needs. One of those 'needs' is that I need to change my social personality...I am an introvert...she wants someone who can adapt to any situation even if it is unfamiliar.

5) She can not have any biological children.

6) She cheated on me with a guy she knew 12 years ago. This guy lives 1000 miles away from us, above Chicago. She tells him one thing & then tells the dating site guys that he is annoying. So who knows what the truth is.

There are many more issues that make me think of her as vile & evil as well.

Jeff_R,

Her behaviour sounds like she has addictive behaviours, along with poor self esteem (presumably from the unwanted weight), which means she's desperate to search for as much validation as she can get. She likes getting it from you, but it will never be enough. She'll have a craving and a need to get it from strangers, acquaintances, boyfriends, girlfriends.

The most kind and loving thing your WW is Plan B. So far, you're just enabling her behaviour. You wouldn't give a $5 to a crack addict, you wouldn't take an alcoholic to a bar, and you wouldn't invite a gambling addict to an all-expenses-paid trip to Vegas.

Don't buy her a house and an Internet connection and don't perpetrate the myth in her life that you'll always be there for her to fulfil whatever emotional needs she has.

Jeff.
I would encourage you to divorce her.
There are millions (literally) of healthy (mind and body) women out there that are attractive, great at sex, conversation and fun to be around that do not ever try to get pictures of naked men.

What would be real funny is to use your alias and send your wife a picture of your penis o tell her you want to masturbate together online and see if she recognizes you LOL

Jeff,

What plan are you in? You've exposed this to her conservative family?

You need to expose the sex and everything.
This woman needs help or she will live a miserable life.
Exposure helps her get the help she needs

Her family knows about the cybersex. I wrote them all an email that had the conversation as a text attachment.

She has a lot of trouble being honest & telling the truth obviously. I could never fully trust her ever again.

Expose to her work place?

I guess I'm confused here. You're moving on, right?

Put the focus on resolving the marriage. Get a lawyer, etc. You seem reluctant to spend money to get out of this situation but hanging in there and spying on her is not good for your health.

You've got to move your attention and energy forward, especially because this is not something you want to save.

Start moving FORWARD.

No the OM is a guy she knew 12 years ago. He was a army soldier that you could send care packages to, etc. He must have contacted my WW by email & the correspondance started from there. He lives 1000 miles away, up above Chicago. The dating site guys are from all over the country.

Facebook exposure....well those are all her friends & work peers.

I did initally expose to a work friend but she called my WW right after & told her what I did. My WW as furious with me.

So again I ask. What plan are you in?

I guess plan A. Trying to meet her emotional needs.

I know spying on her is not healthy. I know she has gone to her dating site & looked at her emails there. She hasn't sent any.

You don't sound like you're in any sort of plan. You sound to me like you're following along with her while she takes advantage of you, hoping she'll have this huge epiphany that is very unlikely to happen.

I don't quite get why you are telling us about the $6000 mattress.