Dec.
He posted it on the same lady's thread that you were urging not to expose.

You need to think again. He posted this to Madmomma's thread. This is in regard to her situation.

Once again, the lawyer's reading of what Dr Harley didn't say.

It is quite clear what he did say. People are free to disregard that if they wish.

I don't believe that is the case. That poster was only told that exposure in the work place "could" result in, but not be limited to, the WS termination of employment and other possible legal action. I'm sure some WS not knowing would care less either way; as I'm sure some WS knowing would care less, as I'm sure some WS knowing would care, all depending on their specific situation of course.

You don't believe what is the case? That he posted it on her thread, as HDW says?

He did. You can check for yourself.

Actually, it is the case. Believe it.

This thread has been productive in convincing me that total exposure is the way to go.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2662141#Post2662141

"I have not read everything in this thread, but I want to make it clear that I am in favor of exposure of an affair in the workplace when a spouse will not leave the job after or during an affair with a fellow worker. An affair is such an egregious violation of marital trust that ending it trumps employment and even possible legal action. While most companies will cooperate with the betrayed spouse to separate unfaithful employees, some do not. But it's still worth pursuing considering the suffering that affairs cause. And it definitely speeds up the death of an affair.

As for proof regarding an affair, the more you have, the better. But even if you have no absolute proof, but solid circumstantial evidence, a visit to the head of personnel can alert others to be on watch.

Best wishes,
Willard F. Harley, Jr."

I believe dec does not think he was telling the poster to NOT expose, however it is clear when one puts such fear into someone about exposure, you're pretty much telling them not to do it.

Exactly. He hammered the lady so persistently with scare tactics that the mods had to step in and stop him. He probably scared that lady completely off from doing the one thing that could have saved her marriage: workplace exposure. She has not been back.

What he did to that woman WS criminal and reckless. He should be kept away from newcomers.

Informing someone isn't necessarily "fear" as Dr. Harley states......

"When there is an affair in the workplace, my general advice is that the unfaithful spouse must quit the job and find another to avoid ever seeing or talking to the lover again. But while the affair is taking place and the unfaithful spouse is unwilling to resign, should a betrayed spouse expose the affair to the employer? While I unhesitatingly recommend exposing the affair to friends, family, clergy,
children, and the lover's spouse, I'm not so quick to suggest exposing it to an employer. That's because such an exposure could have unintended legal and economic consequences. For example, the affair might constitute grounds for a sexual harassment claim by the unfaithful spouse's lover. Or, it might trigger an outright firing of the spouse, making it far more difficult to find another job. [emphasis added] So my advice whether or not to expose to an employer is usually made on a case-bycase basis."

And that might have happened to madmommy, who stopped posting, having expressed her doubts on this issue after dec's advice. I suspect that she deicided not to expose and did not want to tell us that, so stopped posting.

It's a shame.

Yes, you did use fear tactics. The woman has to expose in order to save her marriage and you discouraged her from doing so. Your posts were reckless and irresponsible. You are what I would term a menace to this board.

Exposure is a beautiful thing. I heartily endorse it.

Dec, I worked in law enforcement so I know how it feels to inform people of the various consequences of actions, whether or not I feel it is morally right or not. So, in that sense, I do actually understand why you think the way you do. If a man's daughter was raped, I would be, by duty, obligated to tell him he could be charged for beating him up. Although in my heart, that man should be beaten to a pulp.

However, the thing here is that very vulnerable people will cling to whatever they can in order to not actually take that dramatic step.

It's like MM was standing on the cliff, with a parachute, and everyone was cheering her on to finally take that jump, but then someone piped up and said there was a tiny risk of her splattering on the ground if the chute didn't open.

So she walked away and never went back. And with her, probably went a 25 year marriage with FIVE kids.

Sadly, this desperate, scared woman listened to the novice who has absolutely no skills and no experience in saving marriages. A reckless, irresponsible poster who has been on our board for 2 months. We can only hope that she comes back to read Dr Harley's advice to expose the affair.

Even so, dec, Dr Harley's recent post clarifies his position on workplace exposure. He said when a WS refuses to leave the job and refuses the end the affair that it should be exposed in the workplace. You can now safely post that to newcomers instead of trying to scare them. I will be watching to make sure you do that and if you don't, I will be notifying the moderators.

I am the BULL and you are the red flag, buddy.

I'll post what Dr. Harley has published too. He obviously published it for a reason.

But to what end, Dec?

Betrayed spouses are not all there emotionally.
They need to be coached into proper decisions.

I am very thankful I was coached into exposure; it didnt save my marriage but it helped me emotionally.

Since divorce, I have much more clarity and can see how important it is to receive competent advice.

Divorce is a LOT more expensive than loosing a job.

Even the President of the USA, BIll CLINTON was exposed in the workplace. And he was held accountable, something that wouldnt have happened without exposure

Making an informed decision is valuable; making an uninformed decision is not. Dr. Harley felt enough about it to write specifically on it. If someone has not yet read what Dr. Harley wrote, why wouldn't you at least want to point it out to them?