Because when someone goes into the ER and triage they need immediate treatment.
They dont need repeated warnings that the x ray machine may give them cancer.

You spent more time on her thread warning her than the others did encouraging exposure

You are focused on the exception to the rule.

When I go into the donut shop the lady doesnt warn me repeatedly that there is a chance that bugs got in the donut batter when they made the donuts, or that peanuts can KILL me if allergic.

I don't believe that is accurate. There were three or more posts to any one of mine which told the poster to disregard any such ramifications of workplace exposure. The poster should not disregard them, she she consider them, and then make an informed decision, and Dr. Harley doesn't disagree.

I wont discuss this with you any further.
Youve made your position clear that you will discourage exposure in the workplace and hopefully future betrayed spouses wont see such a debate in their thread, as madmomma did, to scare them away from what IS Marriage Builders recommended advice

MM said in her thread:

"I am so scared! You have nearly convinced me. But I really am unsure about the risks."
(This cliff is so high and scary!)

And MelodyLane responded later:
"By your own admission, he has had other job offers and can get another job."
(But you are with a qualified instructor and have taken many lessons, you KNOW it's going to be okay in the end!)

.... but the fear of splattering on the ground held her back and she's probably still staring off that cliff somewhere. If she had exposed, she would have certainly come back and let us know. I don't believe she did.

That poster later stated the following too after being informed ......

"Getting more info and thinking more about workplace exposure. Locating email addresses for the HR manager, his secretary, bosses etc. Especially the few people I have met and might see me as a real person.

Talked to a friend who agreed I should do WP exposure. IDK.

Haven't heard a thing from PI team. All the cars are gone from her house. I bet they went to the lake. He had a new tent and airbed in his trunk. Said he got them at an auction. Said he might take the kids camping. I just thought he meant OUR kids!

Crap!

I think it needs to be noted that this poster dec in his original thread here on MB admits to engaging in allowing members of the opposite sex to meet his ENs, and even though he is called out repeatedly on this being in contradiction to MB, he never once acknowledged this = wayward mentality.

Someone with a wayward mentality is not going to support exposure.

Just sayin...

You didn't "publish" what Dr Harley posted. You took one quote out of context in order to influence a scared, despairing woman To forfeit her only hope because you don't care about her or her marriage. And why? Because that is your personal agenda.

You demonstrate exactly WHY attorneys are so dangerous to victims of affairs. You care nothing about saving this woman's marriage and protecting her mental health. You have never been involved in an affair and don't comprehend the dangers like others do.

Keep in mind that Dr Harley contradicted your reckless advice to not expose.

Let's get back to helping posters with Marriage Builders concepts and drop the debate! This thread has become a distraction from our mission. Let's get back to marriage building.

Thanks

Dec,

I only wish I would have had MB when I found out about my FWW's A. I would have exposed the HELL out of it right away including her work. No questions asked.

I just don't get it. Why are you digging your heals in so deep on this issue? I have been reading on this board for almost a year now and have seen the true value of exposure and negative ramifications for those who didn't.

Why all of a sudden do you feel so compelled to seemingly consume your life with defending your uneducated position? It is clear you are no expert. Actually come off as a na�ve 20 something that preaches off of opinions and can�t substantiate your argument with any real world experience.

Your credibility here = zero. Everyone can see that.

I don't think there is anyone here who now wants you to "point out" anything.

?? whats going on in here??? I miss something? Too lazy to read the whole thread. Who told who so?

*shrugs*

Folks, this thread has been VERY helpful for me in two ways:

(1) Convincing me that exposure is the right thing to do
(2) Convincing me NOT to short circuit any of Dr Harley's plans.

Portraits of a Texas BULL come to mind, but my preference is a Houston COUGAR with the Run �n- Gun, and Phi Slamma Jamma; if I understand a self-portrayal as a �BULL� correctly. It takes broad shoulders for sure, to carry, and create, so many chips.

At no time was exposure (or more accurately work place exposure) in the thread you reference ever refuted. The poster was simply advised by me (and others) of the ramifications when doing so, �some� of which were also pointed out by Dr. Harley.

Yes, we know what you did. And it depends on what the meaning of the word IS IS. Right, slick? You actively and persistently attempted to discourage her from exposing. Dr Harley does not discourage people from exposing AS YOU DID so I wouldn't suggest you wrap yourself in that strategically selected quote. Especially when he contradicted you and told the woman she should expose the affair.

You spent an ENTIRE DAY debating the so-called "ramifications" of exposure with other members, preventing her from getting much needed help. It was so bad that the moderators had to shut you down.

This is like watching someone with an ADD obsession.


Not quite as many "chips" as you created on that poor woman's thread and this thread. Your interference may well have cost her her marriage.


Hey, that works just fine for me. My DH, who is 14 months younger calls me a cougar.

Dec,

You have sessions with Steve Harley.
Why don't you ask him about this next time?

My reference was to U of Texas Long Horns, and my alum U of Hpuston Cougars, not to you specifically.

I'm going to tell you this, dec; as a FBW, I am incensed that you continually attempt to circumvent exposure in the workplace.

If my husband's affair had not been exposed to his employer, my marriage would probably have been over. THANK GOD the OW's husband grew a set of balls and exposed their affair to their employer, after months of being a wimp and living in fear of his wife. THANK GOD.

I know you are a lawyer, so I expect you to understand that EVERY employee exposed to the workplace affair is a candidate for filing a sexual harrassment lawsuit against OM/OW's company. It is far bigger than just the two infidels. So all those employees who were quietly pissed at the obvious favoritism HAVE A CLAIM. THEY GET TO SUE. YOU KNOW THIS, CORRECT?

Based on that alone, the ramifications of NOT exposing may be far worse than exposing.

Side note: two of the secretaries in my H's office were feeling the slight while my H was favoring his OW. One word: LAWSUIT. They had grounds. Thank God they didn't pursue it (the statute of limitations is over.)

H (me) = never wayward; age = 51; occup = attorney
W = never wayward; age = 49; occup = law office admin
Faith = Lutheran
S = age 20
S = age 19
D = age 17
Married 1990, first for both
Prior User Name "dec810" Marriage Builders 2001


Clearly you have not been involved in an affair
Why are you here
MB is for saving marriages, ending affairs
You want to split hairs, argue things as if this was a court of law

Well people here are not motivated to be here to be legally right but to do the right things, to be morally right

It seems as you only come here when bored and for the sport of baiting people that are trying to do good work.

Being you don't want to do things here the MB way then you should move on.

This forum wants people to use Dr H's tools that are proven to work and will get the best results to end affairs and recover marriges.

This forum is not about individuals getting people to divert from Dr H and MB.

What are you doing here, anyway, posting on an infidelity forum, when you professedly have no personal experience to imbue?

If your spouse was involved with another man in her workplace, you, being a lawyer and all, would pursue execution of applicable sexual harassment law as recourse.