Haven't posted here in a long time. I'm finding myself a bit down, home alone, on a rainy Saturday evening.
I am curious for input on where to meet someone. I don't drink and don't want to hang out at a bar. I go to church, but go alone and don't really know anyone there. Large church and I'm shy so I don't mingle. You know, when you're single seems like the rest of the world is paired off!!
I've thought about some of the dating sites. I did eHarmony long time ago - no luck. Just wondering if anyone else had good success.
I am 54. Are men my age looking for women my age or for someone closer to their daughter's age!?!?!? I'm not good at dating in my 50s. I've been with only those two men over half my life!! I am twice divorced and my second husband was the first person I dated after my first divorce.
I'm not looking to rush into a relationship, but would like a male friend to go places with, with the potential for a long-term relationship if the chemistry is there.
I have that common fear of growing old alone and know that's not what I want. 95% of the time I am very comfortable being by myself and like my alone time. The other 5% of the time, I am lonely and want a companion.
Advice?

Welcome back.

Have you tried any new hobbies that you can join clubs? Like an art class or something? Have you tried any of the Christian dating sites?

What kind of things are you interested in?

Try meetup.com. It's all recreational based which would fit in nicely with wanting male companionship when you go places. They have meetup groups for just about everything from going to the movies to doing adventure type stuff like hiking, zip lining, etc. It might be right up your alley.

Haven't tried the Christian dating sites. I have this horrible thought in the back of my mind that folks will see my picture out there and I hate the thought of that, but I have considered them. I get the routine email alerts from Match.com, but seems most guys my age aren't looking for women my age!

I routinely go to a local gym for exercise classes and I run. I thought about joining local runner's group, but my evenings are unpredictable.

Guess the best way to sum it up is I'm feeling sorry for myself and didn't think getting back into dating would be as difficult as it has been. I consider myself at least a decent catch - not overweight and in pretty good shape, not beautiful but cute or pretty, still have my own teeth (:>), good job, financially secure, conservative spender, good girl, love to travel, love adventurous outings (went skydiving, ziplining, ran a 1/2 marathon), etc.

I'm just having a hard time right now. My XH hasn't remarried and I don't think he's dating. We still talk and I occasionally have lapses where I think MAYBE?? But, then I have to remember why we divorced in the first place. Just guess I am tired of sitting on the sidelines and want companionship.

I have seen some meet up emails as well, but I am shy and don't like the thought of initially showing up to the first one alone. Yes, I know that's the point and know that I and I alone am the only one that can make this happen, but hate that first step into the unknown.

Actually match.com is terrific but you need to know how to use it. Make sure your profile is honest but also fun and entertaining to read. Photo should be flattering but current. Limit your area to a very small radius which will help to eliminate cheaters.

Then don't wait for anyone to contact you, start searching proactively. If you have a sport or interest, use that as a keyword search. You are going to need to put creative energy and enthusiasm into this.

Of course there are men out there trawling for younger women but decent men prefer women of their own age. If you live in a remote area you will need to be patient as the pool of decent and available men may be small.

Once you find someone who looks interesting, send them an amusing email with comments that show you have actually read their profile.

Make the first meeting very short. Coffee shops or museums work. In my experience, the better the man the more reluctant he will be to actually meet you. Be patient.

This is so true. I've had a few fifty something men, older than my dad, try to catch me. One was my friends dad. While I was still reeling from being cheated on and I'm not even divorced yet.

All cheaters themselves of course. But there are lots of lovely men your age who want something real. 90 per cent of people online are losers, no matter what your age. Everyone has to root through the toads to find a prince. The daughter-trawlers have done you a favour by being honest so you don't have to bother with them.

You have to sort the wheat from the chaff. And its a numbers game.

Dr H recommends going on 30 dates, all just low key type friendlyt things over the course of a year.

Get people to set you up, go on the meet ups (take a friend?) Play the numbers game.

Treat them like job applicants and compare and contrast. If you're shy, I would search for the word shy online. I know that sounds strange but Dr H recommends people are the same level socially. I don't think a noisy extrovert would suit you.

Maybe start off slow and build up your group of single female friends? They could help widen your circle and set you up with nice men.

Try volunteering or joining a club which shares your values or interests.

Love the thought of 30 dates. LOL. I can't seem to line up one. Never thought I'd be at this stage of my life alone.

Just bites on occasion and then I turn around and see what a mess some of my married family/friends/co-workers are in and I'm grateful for where I am.

I might check out the meet up website.

Here's Dr. Harley's article where he talks about dating 30 people.

Choosing the Right One to Marry #1

L2S,
Have you thought of volunteering anywhere? If you live near a big city there might be LARGE volunteer organizations that contract with bigger events (like walks, and homeless shelter fund raisers, etc). They usually BG check so you know the other volunteers are probably not ex-felons. It provides a relaxed atmosphere (because you are volunteering afterall - how much actual work can it be?) to talk to someone you think seems interesting. I met a woman about your age doing a Thanksgiving thing before I met NG. I was 42 and went out with her a few times -- so we're not all looking for 20-somethings.

We all think of the possibilities of returning to our exes at times (it goes away after a while) in our darkest moments. What helped me was looking realistically at the prospects of her really adopting marriage builders principles. For me the answer was an obvious and resounding "no" and my gut has proven correct -- exww seems to be still 'following her heart' after going on 2 years of D. The choice becomes a. a new relationship with someone in an MB fashion, or b. the same old merry-go-round. I took my chances with a and am glad I did; not just for me but for my kids as well (although I acknowledge the overall devastation of D, there are some positives that can come of it).

I think you'll find your companion if you continue to do things that interest you and you are having fun. To a good man, A woman is very attractive when she's enjoying herself.

opt