Thank you for you responses. I will look into AA I have before, my mother has been sober for 20ish years now, he has given me a lot of resources today.

The evening has gone in the following manner:

He came home annoyed that the house was amiss because I took everything out of the rooms in which the ceilings were leaking and put ten in the front part of the house. He demanded to know why I had done so to which I responded that I thought it was the right thing to do, I didn't know what else to do. He said that he would have been home if I hadn't effed (sorry for the juvenile term) someone else. That had I not effed someone else my husband would have been here to tell me what I do.

I took it as I should for what I have done to him. He said he didn't want to talk about anything until he knew the child was his. Okay, I understand that as well. So I went to my side of my house and shut the door and laid there typing this. Then he came in and opened the safe and pulled out a gun and handed it to me. I asked what it was for he said that he has just bought it today and told me all about it, it was as if things were normal.

He left and I went into the kitchen and he turned and rather bluntly asked me if this is his kid what does he have to do to protect himself from me in the future of we don't work out. He is afraid I will try to screw him since I am a member of the legal community. I told him in our state the only way to prove and affair is with photos or by a deposition with a court reporter whereby I would admit to the affair. He said that he intends for us to do that of it is his son. I agreed to it. I also told him about a post nuptial agreement and he said he would look into it. He was angry so I went back to my room.

He came back in and said I didn't have to stay locked in the room, so I sat in the living room with him and vented a bit. Then we had about a 30 minute normal conversation about turkey shoots and things. It was like nothing had ever happened. At this point he was two drinks in and by the end of the convo he was almost finished with his third so I knew to tread lightly braise he would be intoxicated at that point.

Sure enough he started to say that he is trying but it's really difficult which I aknowleged and reiterated that this was not his fault. He said he felt so alone. I told him I would stay with him as long as he wanted me to. Then, as I predicted, he got angry again (I imagine that these are normal cycles) and e jut kept saying how date I open my body to him and my legs to him after I had done so I another man, and I am just a trifiling whore and we made vows to god and I broke them and if I can't keep a promise to god then to whom could I keep a promise?

Again I just took it, said I haven't been trustworthy do I don't expect him to trust me and that I should probably go to bed because I didn't want to upset him further. He said he didn't care what I did but got annoyed when I got up to leave, he said I didn't have to leave and we tarted watching an old movie. After about 5 min of the movie he cut it of and said he was going to bed, so I went to my room.

I hear him now watching the movie. I guess that was his way of telling me politely that he didn't want me around. I am confused to say the least and not sure what to think of tonight. He is going to talk to a lawyer next week regardless of the resuls.

Any thoughts or insight would be appreciated. Thank you all so much.

You didn't say anything about his affairs?

So he didn't stay sober. He needs AA.

Did you read Melodylane's posts about what to say? I wouldn't do it now that he's drunk.

Why not write out what you need to say to him here? We can help you.

Please forgive the typos, I am doing this from my phone. I am not nearly as illiterate as I may sound.

I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to say, and told him I wanted to talk, but he didn't want to. I figured I should respect his space. My intention was to say

"H-
I am committed to doing whatever it takes to make this marriage work. In no way was what i did acceptable, it was wrong and it was not your fault. In an effort to recover and rebuild or marriage I think we should both agree never to have any type of sexual relations with anyone other than each other this second on."


I'd imagine again that he will say he never cheated that I made him to it that he didn't want to etc... But it's a starting point.

And no, he didn't stay sober he hasn't been since d day.

He is unable to stay sober.
That is because his addiction controls him.
You need to attend BOTH AlAnon and AA THIS WEEK

Aside from the drinking, which I think he will out down if I am having his son, does it sound like there is hope fore reconciliation based on the random moments of normalcy last night?

Ok, I am really concerned that a drunk bought a gun and showed it off to you!! epic, please be mire concerned about your and your baby's safety then reconciling with someone who is an armed unstable person.

My opinion is for you to go stay somewhere safe until he can get sober and psychological help!

~RQ

I'm sorry, let me clarify, he wasn't drunk when he bought the gun nor was he when he showed me. He didn't start drinking until after that. If I really thought he would hurt me, I would leave. I honestly don't think he will. He had an episode the other night. My husband again suffers from PTSD from a tour he did in Iraq before we met. It was during the ground war and he watched a lot of his friends die. Since then a lot of his friends have killed themselves.

Tuesday night one of his friends said he was going to kill himself, my husband and I were the only ones here and h had a breakdown. He cried (he was drunk) and put on his old uniform. He told me what all the medals he had received were for etc...

After that he left my room, he came back in a few minutes later and had a very angry outburst. He said he wouldn't hurt me but he doesn't know why me and OM would think he was such a punk that he wasn't capable of killing him etc...it was a little frightening, but when he tells it's always frightening.

So he came back in and apologized and said he didn't mean to scare me that e had too much to drink and wouldn't ever risk his future over me or OM which I believe to be the truth. His family and friends that know of the A are concerned that he will do something, but they don't know him like I do, I know he won't.

If this marriage is to be saved a few things have to be done.
1). He will need to get into AA and stop drinking (MB will not work with an active addict) and he will need to get his anger under control
2). His affairs and your affair needs to be exposed to family, friends. Does your OM's BW know? Were any of his OW married?
3) you will both need iron clad EPs and boundaries
4) you will both need to live an intergarted transparent life where no affairs will be allowed
5) I would look into moving for you both to start fresh
6) work the MB program with a MB coach or online program

Can you do all of these?

Yes, I can, but I am not sure he can. He is going to see an attorney next week. I am afraid he is going to try to force me to stay in the state if it is his son and he doesn't want to work it out.

Also the OM and OW are not married.

I think you should prepare for separation and go into Plan B.
I encourage you to read about plan b and see an attorney for future child support.

My father thinks I should put in my two weeks tomorrow and leave regardless of whether or not it is my husbands child. He thinks that once the child is born he will file for divorce and custody and I will lose my son.

I am afraid to just up and leave because I honestly don't know what my husbands intentions are. I don't have the money for a custody battle in this state.

Any advice?

What reasons does your father have for believing that the court will find you an unfit mother?

Does your husband work 24 on 48 off?

There are no reasons a court could find me an unfit mother except the adultery I guess. I have a job, I am a clean person, dont do drugs, don't smoke, quit (and will stay quit) drinking etc...

He works 24 on and 24 off and it rotates so he may have as many as 5 days off in a row. If he goes to work this week he will work tues thurs sat.

New development that is kinda huge or maybe I just think it is.

I have 4 younger sisters one of which came to live with my husband and I 2 years ago she stayed a year.

My sister just called me and said she was never going to tell me this because she didn't want to cause more problems between my husband and I. One night when we had a bunch of people over I went to bed and as everyone trickled out my sister went to bed on the fold out couch.

Long story short my husband kissed my sister twice. Not open mouthed my sister said she kept her mouth shut, but he tried for more apparently. My mom just found out as well. She thinks I need to leave immediately. My sister is under the impression my husband won't remember because he was very very drunk when it happened.

Wtf. Now what?

YOU NEED TO EXPOSE NOW!!!!!!!

If that isn't enough to make you expose then what?

As others have pointed out, I would imagine there are others he has tried something with besides your sister. It'd be a super good excuse, "well you said I could do this with Sally, Sue, and Samantha, so I figured I could also do it with Jennifer".