I know I have my own thread on here for my current situation but just wanted to pose a different question to people's input on things.

So from what I have read and understand Plan A is about breaking up the affair of a spouse by means of exposure (stick) and quitting LB's, filling EN's (carrot) to show your spouse what a great person you are to be with and what life could be like. Should Plan A not work (as it is reported there is a slim change) you the go to Plan B where you separate with no contact etc all of which I understand, where I don't understand how this fits in is the following scenario.

Spouse has an affair EA/PA and then terminates it their self for what ever reasons. They then drop the D bomb on their partner saying they no longer love them, have no feelings, can see it changing, don't want to work on marriage etc etc.

So at this point what does the BS do, goto Plan A or Plan B or is there something else, based on the fact that Plan A is about breaking up the affair which in this scenario has already broken up. The logical choice would be RECOVERY but what if the spouse who had the affair is saying the thing mentioned and not looking for R?

As I say would just like people opinions on this scenario as to what they would say the MB process is for this rather than this been a real life situation.

The spouse that wants divorce is in the withdrawal stage of marriage.
Sometimes they can be won back through Plan A.
Other times they can be won back with plan B.

However. Plan B is not just to win the spouse back. Plan B is to protect the betrayed spouse.

If someone wants divorce and is unwilling to stay in the marriage you can't always change their mind.

HDW that makes sense so in that situation is the BS in a state of conflict then, assuming they are wanting to R and work on the marriage. If that were the cause what is a good plan for them to lead the spouse in withdrawal back to conflict? I know there is an article on the site about it but it seems to simplify the process too much

The plans CAN break up an active affair, but that is not their main purpose.

Their purpose is to get the spouse out of the fog and into recovery. It's to stop them being wayward.

A WH who has numerous one night stands, for example will happily dump his most recent OW when caught.

But he will resist recovery methods like full transparency, or giving up a travelling job. His BW will be advised to woo him into submission with Plan A. Then she separates from him, sending him a Plan B love letter that states he must agree to her conditions if he wants to come home.

If you've read SAA, John Plan B'd Sue. Yes it was mainly to break up her affair with Greg, but that wasn't all. Unless she agreed to an MB recovery (like 15 hours a week UA time) she wasn't allowed back home.

Dr H says if you've done a great Plan A, then Plan B is your next best shot. It also protects you from a waywards abuse and blame long term. He says if there is no agreement to follow a recovery plan in place "the BS is better off continuing with Plan B".

So the ending of an affair is not really the point - but obviously an active affair is not exactly a recovery plan!

Love bank deposits.
The spouse that wants to save the marriage needs to make as many Love Bank deposits as possible and avoid Love Busters (which cause massive love bank withdrawals)

Yes, its as simple as lovebank deposits.

In a WS situation they resist the LB deposits, so it takes longer

But the principle is the same

There does seem to be little information and\or threads about leading spouses through the various states. Such as when one if in conflict and one in withdrawal or is it just as simple as as making love bank deposits?

Are there any other things that a spouse in conflict can do to encourage a spouse in widthdrawal. Would any of the other MB prinicples help the situation or would a spouse in withdrawal not even be interested in these things given their state of not interested in saving the M or loving the BS etc.

A spouse in withdrawal has emotionally left the marriage.

You seem to be looking for a way to sell the withdrawn spouse on the marriage. I assume that prior to introducing your wife into the swinging lifestyle, you read information on how to talk your wife into this.

MB isnt a speech and coercion program. It is a program of creating and maintaining love by meeting each others emotional needs and avoiding love busters.

The withdrawn spouse is "talked" into staying in the marriage when they feel love towards the other spouse

i wasnt asking this in relation to my own situation, just as a more general question as i read and understand more about the MB concepts. So i guess what your saying is that the withdrawn spouse is "talked" into staying in the marriage by the conflict spouse fufilling EN's and not commiting LB's.

As i said i was asking about this as from reading on the site and articles not much seems to exist regarding this process and the only writing seem to make out its a simple thing to do.

I encourage you to read Dr Harley's books.
He provides examples in the books of actual case couples.

For your personal matter, you should also be in contact with the MB coaching program. The coaching Program provides professional guidance as needed

If you were a woman, Dr Harley would tell you to go into Plan B. But since you are a man, Dr Harley recommends sticking to Plan A for a while to see if you can bring her around. If you stick with this, it is very likely you can chip away at her wall by making consistent lovebank deposits.

Do you have the book Surviving an Affair?

ok thanks for that melody, i hadnt read that anywhere were there any articles or posts\thread on this subject i could read

Have you read the book? You are not going to really understand this program just from reading the articles, etc. The radio show will help you tremendously. Are you listening to it?

SAA depictss Dr Harleys case studies of how the plans work in action with couples he has helped. It is a BS's bible. You can pick it up second hand for just a few quid on Amazon.

Listening to the show every day will also fill in many of the blanks as to how MB works.

What is a "quid??" Some kind of a fish??

You're thinking of a squid.

Sounds fishy to me..

You need to use the context of the sentence like I do to work out all the strange Americanisms on this site!

The UK Amazon site doesn't accept fish as currency, though it would make life interesting if it did!

A quid is an English pound. Derived from the phrase 'quid pro quo'. Fish! Honestly.

Can you silly foreigners not speakie English when you are in America???