I'm in the house now and I will be in my bed in the next 2 min.

Way cool!

...crying cause she had to leave the OM which happened 2 days ago and she claims she loves him?!

Can you secretly record some of the "anguish"? It would be useful supportive evidence during the IG's investigation into POSOM's actions toward ruining your marriage.

Let her cry. Hand her a tissue, make her a cup of tea, but maintain the rigid posture of being willing to work on the marriage, with no compromises on the requirements she must agree to.

The fianc� blocked my messages on Facebook should I send messages to he family via Facebook?

This is normal. My wife layed on the couch crying for 3 days.
Exposure needs to happen TODAY.
I didn't expose it and she got tired of being sad and the OM wanted sex so thy got back together.

Yes. You send your exposure letter to all family and married friends of OM on Facebook

And you need to contact the Commander and iG immediately

I tried to send messages on Facebook and it get deems as spam any way around this? I gave her a kiss on the cheek before heading to work was that a good idea?

Yes, send messages to her mother and some sisters. Just close people who will tell her about the affair and have her call you.

Space the messages out 60 seconds apart. It will let you go again in a few hours.

I would also expose the affair to all your family members. Did you read my exposure thread?

Did you find the OM's IG?

Yes sent voicemail and will be doing a fax form as well. While exposing should I also try to meet her ENs or is it too soon? I have to be gone for 5 days from the house I feel this will hurt my efforts.

This is a bad time to leave your house.
You need to cancel.
Tell the client or employer you have a family emergency.
This is an emergency

Yes. You are in Plan A.
You want to meet as many of your wife's emotional needs as possible.

This is tough minefield to navigate.

Plan A is about meeting your spouses emotional needs as well as you can and as well as she allows you to. WITH NO EXPECTATIONS!!! (This sentence actually says a lot, so let me break it down further.)

As a review, you get the most bang for you buck meeting the 4 most intimate emotional needs, conversation, recreational companionship, affection, and sexual fulfillment.

You claim you were neglectful before the affair, so I'm guessing you were lacking in conversation, recreation, and probably affection. So start by meeting the needs of conversation and recreation, you will get the least amount of resistance here and it will start laying the foundation for meeting the other intimate needs.

Make 15 hours a week of undivided attention happen. Period.

Schedule some fun outings. A dinner date is always nice, but it leaves the door open to serious conversations about the relationship which you kind of want to avoid at this juncture. Go zip lining, kayaking, music festival, something fun that also provides an escape.

Affection is going to be tougher. If your wife has really broken it off with the OM, then she is still grieving, still feels loyalty to him, and is still vilifying you to justify the affair. For these reasons she is likely to resist signs of affection like hugs, kisses, cuddling, etc. So start slowly, with a passing squeeze of the shoulder or just a touch on the arm. A peck on the cheek when you left for work was good if she didn't seem to mind. You can take things a little further when she starts being receptive to these little gestures, but keep it safe and non-sexual. And when she resists (not if), then back off graciously and DO NOT pout or look hurt. This is what I mean by no expectations.

Admiration is alway a great way to show affection, but again be careful not to go over the top. Saying she looks gorgeous today when she's in sweats with no makeup will probably seem a little fake.

I'm guessing SF will be out of the question at this point, so do not force the issue or bring it up constantly. When you two get comfortable with affection, then the SF will come naturally. But, it may be a lengthy process.

Flowers, cards, and gifts are always nice, but don't go too far out of character with them. A spouse who cheated and wants a divorce would never deserve a dozen roses, so it would feel fake or contrived to her to get them at this point. The "NOW he finally does this for me" reaction can build more resentment than love bank deposits, so be careful of that.

She will be resistant and distrustful that you will be able to keep up the new you. Only time and consistency will break down these barriers. So now you meet her needs faithfully and consistently with NO EXPECTATIONS.

The affair needs to be exposed in a strategic way all on the SAME DAY. Has the affair been exposed to:

her parents
close friends
your children over age 4
your family
the OM's family [can you find them? ask the OM's GF for his mothers contact info]

Go look on the OM's GF's FB page and see if you can spot the OM's family members. If she has you blocked, then sign out and look at her page that way.

You want to email or call all the exposure targets and ask them to use their influence to persuade her to end her affair and work on the marriage. The goal is to have exposure raining down on her head on one day. Here are the talking points:


Ask them to call her!

DSC, get your exposures done TODAY so you can move on from this step. You don't want to drag this out. And yes, part of Plan A is that you attempt to meet your wife's ENs. She won't likely allow you to do that, but you should look for opportunities to do so.

Can you get out of this trip?

Expose, expose, expose, and try to do it all as close to the same point in time as possible. Get Facebook ready to blast out (read the tips on the Exposure 101 thread on this). Get contact info for OP's parents, family, close friends, employer. Have letters and e-mails already typed up and ready to mail/e-mail. Have phone numbers for everyone.

My exposure took 12 hours and I wish I had done it in 1 - 2 hours.

I can't I'm in the military it's just till Sunday tho. Thanks for your support everyone
I sent messages to the fianc�'s family as well awaiting the fog babble when I get home cause I know she still talks to him even though she said she doesn't I hope I can't win her back she is my soul

DSC,

Please avoid doing partial exposure. Exposure needs to happen all at once. Otherwise, the waywards get busy spinning stories to their family and friends, and the other person will tell their parents, family, friends, etc. about this crazy person who may be contacting them soon.

You may feel bad about the fact the OP's life is about to be destroyed. Do not feel bad. They destroyed their life when they chose to have the affair. You're actually doing them a big favour as maybe this will convince them not to have affairs in the future. People need to hit rock bottom to choose to finally change.

What should is say when she starts all the fogbabble? My issue has been falling into arguments and getting angry any line I can say to be neutral and not be a LB

Just say "I am sorry you feel that way. WOuld you like a cookie?"