She came back angry trying to start and argument and I weathered the storm stoically I leave for military op till Sunday. Should I start the carrot then or wait till she sends a no contact letter to the OM?

Have you complained to the Commander and iG?
If not that needs done

Okay. You need to review the NC letter after she writes it.
Then you can mail it registered mail.

Don't let her "mail one herself". My wife wrote a love letter to OM when she said she was writing a NC letter!

Carrot and stick go hand in hand in plan A.

For custody reasons I think you should find OM ex wife and talk with her.
You need to know details.
There is a lot more under that surface and you need to know if he drinks heavily, is abusive etc

Contacted IG I am currently away from the house till sundayOM resides in FL WW is in Illinois. She didn't agree to no contact letter yet. So the expos� phase is over I'll pray she won't be talking to him. When I return on Sunday I'll start meeting her ENs. Please let me know of that plan is ok?

Yes. That is good.
Be prepared for a firestorm when OM faces exposure.

Remember to stay calm and collected. Post here as often as needed.
Avoid Love Busters.
And read Surviving An Affair ASAP

Good job on contacting the IG. How was the rest of your exposure?

Have you seen this? Carrot and Stick of Plan A

WW wants her mom to come visit us doing this time. I think it's a good thing her mom adores me and is very Christian and doesn't believe in divorce.

Awesome, she claims he won't answer her calls. Her mom coming to visit because of the exposure. OM fianc� hasnt contacted me but I'm confident the OM life is in an uproar time to start meeting EN.

The mom coming to visit CAN be good.
But just keep a hidden recorder on yourself at all times for protection.

It is a fact that mothers will often side with their daughters no matter the evil in order to get the grand kids.

The potential downside is that you will have NO uA time with mother in law there.
That was my experience. I called my ww dad in for support. Well he ended up hiring her an attorney while he visited and they spent all their time together.

Why does she want mom there? Because she doesn't want to be alone with you.

Also most waywards will convince their parents that you are Satan in the flesh.

Mom is a Christian? Well that's easy to sway her. Tell her that you make her daughter watch pornography and perform various sex acts. Tell her every dark little secret and that Christian lady will hate you.

Now that is a worse case scenario. But be aware of all scenarios.

The potential upside to mom visiting is that she will hopefully spend all of her time and attention on your child

Besides what's listed on the MB site are there other ways to show affection? My wife isnt doing that with her mom. Her mom loves me like a son but UA time will be affected for sure. Any ideas on how to start a good convo with a woman? Any key words to use to allow her to talk while actively listen? Should I be calling her when I'm away?

Yes. I would call her throughout the day.
Call her at noon; ask how her day is going.
Call her in the evening.

If she doesn't object send her a nice good morning romantic text. You can find a thousand of these in google for free.

I'll allow female posters to give their views on how to talk to a woman and yield to them. I just listen and empathize with the women in my life

Oh one importnt thing about conversations with women.
Most men are "tool Tim Taylor" fix it guys. Women talk about a problem , we offer solutions.
That is not what women want. They don't want us to fix it, just listen.

Have you seen this?
Conversation is Boring

Thanks I'll try to implement that going to call her today. I honestly think she is done talking to the OM. Should I still snoop? She said she would do a no contact letter via text and email but not through the mail. My guess is that she doesnt want his fianc� to find out should I accept these terms? Hopefully I have a good conversation with her and eventually move on to time without kids. Her mom coming could be a good thing so she can watch the children while we go out for some EN building.

DSC

Yes still snoop.

Snooping

Remember you a driving the bus here. Your call if what she is doing satisfies you.

NC Sample letters


Plan A=s dating your WW again and meeting her most important emotional needs (carrot)

4 most important emotional needs- affection, intimate conversation, sexual fulfillment, and recreational companionship --

and at the same time letting her know adultry is wrong and the M will not continue as it has been (stick). This is done with no love busters-demands-angry outbursts and such. Informing her you will try to slay the beast that has entered into the M.

Emotional needs


Most woman (not all) hae a high need for UA time and intimate conversation. Remember when you were dating? Explore her thoughts with with safe topics-no judgements-no fixing-just explore her thoughts and let her explore yours.

This can be huge in depositing into her LoveBank (LB$). At this point she is probably in withdrawl from the A and the deposits may not be credited right away. Explore this and see if it is a high need for her. The pay off may take a while to see but could be a huge pay off once withdrawl from the A is done.

If you would like a list of safe toics just ask. I have one that is safe for exploring.

nESRE

No. The no contact letter needs to be mailed by certified mail.
Your wife does not set the conditions for marital recovery.
The mere fact that she is refusing to write a NC letter and sign it says the affair is still on

Should I force the issue of the NC or build LB Deposits by meeting ENs first? I would like that list of safe topics as well. Thanks for your help.

Work on the LB deposits and EN's first.

Have you read this After the affair