I'm into my second relatshionship after my divorce three years ago and to my surprise have come across a similar problem I had with my previous relationship.!! The problem with these guys (and other guys I meet) actually just want me to like them. This was the reason I left my other partner in the first place.

The one I am going out now with seemed to know all the right moves and he really has charmed me. But now he also just wants to know that I love him find him manly and sexy just the same as before.(Athough he does say ıt keeps hım going) And I do. The other common pattern is that they mostly only ring to check on me.!!!

OK. To men I am a sexy woman.I am outgoing as well. I'm wondering do men feel a sexy looking woman is just after sex.I really put a lot of effort into being down to earth not being at least sexual in my behavour in any way but alas the same...

I really want a serious relationship.I am really am tired of trying to prove myself.

I really want a mans point of view. Can a man just want a man to love them and want them one way. I am sure most woman want it both ways. Why would I want someone just to like me???

NOTE
Please help. My ex of three years has just had a new baby while I'm stIll picking up the pieces. I have the kids and am working in a remote area from my home. As you can see I don't even know how to date.

Thanks in advance

I am having a hard time understanding what the problem is... what's the issue with "The problem with these guys (and other guys I meet) actually just want me to like them"?

AGG

Ohh agoodguy I really hoped for an answer.I am sorry I haven't been able to relate myself very well.

I can only say in short is that the message I get is
I hope you trust my judgement on this. I haven't come to this conclusion out of the blue. I am perplexed myself.!!!!

If you could just for a minute assume I'm right and see if you could come up with an answer please. I need to know where I am going wrong.

I encourage you to read the book Buyers Renters and Freeloaders by Dr Bill Harley.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6080_buyer.html

I'd be happy to answer, I'm just not understanding the issue - are you saying they only want you for sex?

AGG

Just a guess, but I think what she's saying is, the guys she has tried dating are Freeloaders; they want her to put effort into the relationship, but they don't want to return the effort.

If that's the case, HDW's advice is perfect.

Thankyou for your reply. Much appreciated. I really am looking for answers.

So if someone only wants you for sex is it possible for them to be possessive. This is what's confusing me regarding the question do they ONLY want me for sex? In my mind you you are only possessive if you love someone. But I have come to the realisation it could also be so you don't loose that person for your own needs.

I know this may not seem like a big issue compared to what others are going through. But I have been there and still am there and one way or onother will always be there and have similar problems as my chilren will always have a half sister related to a distorted relationship.

I just want to move on. And am at a crossroads in which I seem not to know where to go. I want a success story. It has been a long journey as you may gather. I am working hard to have a stable family life also with difficulties as it is not easy to repair the damage that has been done.

Thankyou for interest. Every little helps...

Sorry, silk but its very hard to know what the problem is. Sounds like you are unsure how some of your dates feel about you?

I don't think there is any mistaking a man in love with you. Men are very upfront when in love, they are not coy like women. When he says it, and his actions back it up - then you'll know.

Until then, don't get into an exclusive relationship, just stick to get-to-know-you dates with lots of people.

Dr H recommends 30 dates in a year to compare and contrast the best match for you.

And definitely read B,R&Fs

Silkbutterfly,

I think I understand what your are asking.

Yes men who want you for sex can become possessive, deep down inside of themselves they feel you can replace them more easily than you can replace them. These feelings are reinforced when they go out with you and see how other men respond to you. If you are much more beautiful than they are handsome the effect is magnified by your getting complements while they get nothing. This leads to a great insecurity on the part of many men.

Just today someone who is enamored of my W was "joking" about how surprised he was that she was still with me. Although I've somewhat accepted that my W is a more attractive person than I am, I still can never forget these kinds of incidents.

God Bless
Gamma

In what way has anyone been possessive, Silk?

That's marriage, it isn't permissible in a dating relationship which isn't exclusive.

Can you spell out exactly what's happening for us?

While you're waiting for the book, here's a quick and simple way to find out if someone only wants you for sex: don't give them any!

The best solutions are the simplest!