I'm considering going NC with my parents as they do not support DH. They encourage me to end my relationship with him and they call he and I both names (my mother loves to call me a whore).

I am an only child and they have little contact with their siblings. DH says we have a moral duty to care for them.

If they were not family I would have cut them out of my life because of the lack of respect they show for my husband.

Should parents be given a free pass?

We have POJA'ed this and my DH encourages me to be in contact with them. 90% of the time I can deal with their attitudes, ignore the bad, and praise the good. Tonight my mother got angry and called both DH and I names, which is unacceptable. It's a strained relationship at best.

I really don't think you should have to have contact if they're that bad. Plan B them for a while.

Do you mean that you have brainstormed solutions together? Because it sounds like you haven't really put something into place that you're enthusiastic about this yet.

How about doing it the thoughtful request way instead, trying it out for a time that you're both enthusiastic about, maybe like 2 weeks, and see how that goes. Or maybe you only talk to your mom in person, not over the phone, or something else that separates you from the bad of it.

Have you talked to your mother about her behavior?

NOBODY gets a free pass. Nobody! I heartily embrace the notion that unless you are enthusiastic about doing something, you don't do it. Whether that is ironing or hanging with the 'rents, it doesn't matter.

People may be 'stuck' with family for a period of life, but after the age of majority, I think they need to 'earn' a place, even if it is just not being offensive. If they do nothing else, the least they can do to earn your time is not be offensive.

It doesn't sound like you've reached POJA. Remember, until you enthusiastically agree, the default is do nothing. I suggest you re-negotiate with a caveat that you talk to your folks about their disrespect. My FIL was very disrespectful, and we negotiated successfully about our involvement with him. It has worked out very, very well. Part of it was my H talking to him about how his disrespectful comments toward me and endangering our children would not be tolerated.

It sounds like your parents insult you more than they do your H? Don't negotiate your continued abuse! That's not something up for negotiation.

Why does she call you this?

I forgot I started this. I'm getting old and senile as I near 30.

Because I've chosen a more wordly life than she would like for me to. I chose to have sex to a man prior to marrying him. Even though he's my only partner, she still likes to throw that out there. I wear high heels with my blue jeans (7" heels LOL). I wear make up, I'm in corporate America, I've left the religion I was raised in and am more mainstream.

We have discussed it, a lot. I feel like their continued disrespect to DH and my inability to set boundaries with my mother makes me not want to stay in contact. I'm an only child and DH feels like I have a moral responsibility to care for them.

DH and I are having a wedding in April and they're not coming. Give you any idea of how they feel about him?

Since I started this my mother and I have had a huge blow up and I have set some boundaries. My dad and I have repaired some of our relationship. I did quit talking to my mother for a few days.

DH's mother and I get along really well and we've developed a strong bond, a great friendship, and she says she's gaining a daughter. I feel like I've gained a mother.