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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1 |
I've recently started reading His needs her needs but have a question. The book starts with meeting her affectionate needs and his sexual/physical needs. How do you begin when the husband doesn't have the desire for either of these needs? The situation seems rather hopeless when his need is more of the mothering type of need. I really need advice to even know were to begin. I've tried being more attentive to his need of taking care of everything but the more I give the more he takes and I'm just left exhausted and empty. Any advise?
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,492
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Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,492 |
Welcome to MB .. If your hubby is onboard with MB I would get 2 copies of the emotional needs questionnaires here (you can find the link at the top of this page that goes to them) .. fill them out and see where he is at in regards to his emotional needs.
Its hard to meet needs if you dont know what they are.
MNG
edit: Also get 2 copies of the love busters questionnaire as well. ANd possibly even the personal history one too ...
Last edited by MrNiceGuy; 09/13/12 03:51 PM.
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437 |
Note to MNG's advice: regardless of what either of you list as your top needs, in order to fall in love again you need to spend minimum 15 hours per week meeting the four INTIMATE needs of affection, conversation, recreational companionship, and sexual fulfillment.
It sounds like your H is in withdrawal if he has no need of sex or affection and isn't interested in giving it to you. That, or he's getting it fulfilled elsewhere. I don't want to ring a big alarm bell, but I do think you should quietly do some snooping just to make sure there isn't an affair to deal with, because 101 advice is different from affair situation advice. And we wouldn't want you to stress way out and waste time. So just check phone logs, check computer history, sniff around if you will.
Is he a gamer?
How long married?
Any kids?
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,492
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Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,492 |
Some good questions CWMI .. There was not much info to go from.
MNG
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Well this is a common question in Dr Harley's radio show.
Oftentimes a spouse will be receiving sexual fulfillment from outside the marriage from masturbation or pornography.
Dr Harley encourages couples to adopt a "sexual exclusivity" policy that sexual needs are only met within the marriage and not through masturbation or pornography
Sometimes men will need to visit their doctor for various testing to determine if their is a physical reason for lack of sexual drive.
Bottom line, if sex is a need for you then he needs to meet it.
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