Just letting everyone know that all went well. Both my in laws said they want what their son wants and will stand by him and support both of us if that is what he wants.

My mother in law was actually very kind and understanding this time. She said that until recently she was very angry, that I was one of her best friends and what I did destroyed her as well. These were hard words to take in and hurt but I know that they are true and I have to show them how committed I am to healing their wounds as well.

My father in law was more skeptical and had a lot of question and doubt, which I knew he would. Mr. XVY, and I just agreed that nothing I said can change what I did and make it better. That we have to move on and I will have to earn their trust again, even if it takes forever! I told him this much and explained what a horrible person that I was and nothing I say could even excuse or explain why I was willing to throw my entire family away for another man.

Again, it was healing, cleansing, and my MIL already invited me to their Halloween bonfire.

Continue with your actions friend.

15Y,

Good work, this was worth doing exactly because of how hard it was for you to do, and the fact that your FIL will keep an eye on you will make your BH feel safer. There are far too many people willing to turn a blind eye to an affair.

You got something out of this too a MIL who has re-accepted you.

God Bless
Gamma

I just linked this thread to the LURKERS GIFT thread.

*** here ***

I feel honored!!!!

I guess since my thread has been moved up I will catch everyone up. Things have been going better than ever. Both Mr. XVY and myself have been trying to get as much UA time in as possible. Even on busy days we dedicate at least some time together, even if it is lying in bed rubbing each others back or feet ...sorry if TMI

I no longer hold resentment towards him for his very high level of SF. In fact, since I have had a more positive attitude about it, I enjoy it so much more and it really has become an intimate time for both of us...again sorry if TMI

I have become much more vocal when I feel my H is LBing me. Something that I don't think he realized before but now he realizes that it really bothers me.

POJA!!!!!! Need I say more! This is something that we still struggle with because we went so long in our marriage without doing it. We however have both gotten so much better at asking rather than telling and discussing things we do not see eye to eye over.

We are both still active on this site. I didn't realize how active he was until the other night when I was commenting on a thread and he knew what was going on in the entire thread. ?Sometimes he ask me about people on here as well.

We talk about what people on here actually look like and who they remind us of.

I still look at him and remind myself everyday what I almost threw away and thank God every day that he gave me another chance (one more than I deserved).

So again, I feel compelled to stay on this site to keep me in check but also help others the way that I have been helped. I have gotten off my FB page. Not because it had anything to do with my A, but why chance it. In addition, my H did express some concern as to why I still needed to be on when he was no longer on. The next day, I officially removed myself...FB is and never will be worth my marriage.

I hope anyone who has or is reading my thread can see that there is hope no matter what situation you are in and end up in and that MB is the only way.

It's always weird to meet other MBers in person after forming an imaginary persona.

Like imagining you as a young Maggie Smith? Like a McGonagall?

I myself am a very handsome man.
Probably the most handsome and mysterious man on MB

Me too.
Oh.
What?
Oh.
Nevermind.

Hello all,

I feel compelled to post this latest bit of information and get advice from those of you who have helped me in the past.

My 12 year old DD has struck up a friendship with another girl who lives in the same neighborhood as the OM. This has always been in the back of my mind but up until the other day I was not even sure where he lived. In addition, the other girls mom is very high strung and often times likes to be the one to pick up and drop off.

However the couple times that I have had to pick my DD up, it has set off a trigger.

Two days ago I was picking up my DD and the OM was backing out of his driveway (unfortunately I do know what car he drives). I drove quickly by and avoided any eye contact. But this set off a major trigger for me and the worst part, he lives two houses down from my DD's friend.

I can't really even explain all of the emotions going through after this incident. I can tell you that it definitely confirms by it is so important to get away from you AP and NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN!!!

It didn't make me want to be with him again in anyway. But it did bring back the feelings of guilt, pain, and it felt like everything started over again. In addition that night I had a horrible dream that he kept trying to get close to me and no matter where I went he was following me and trying to touch me. I can say in my dream I kept trying to get away from him and wanted nothing to do with him, it just bothers me that I am even dreaming about him.

Here is where I really need advice. Do I tell my H about the incident? He is also aware that OM is in the same neighborhood as DD's friend. I did not however tell him that I drove by him. I guess I am unsure if I should.

One part of me feels like it is my duty because of the Policy of Radical Honesty. I do feel guilty keeping it from him. Another part of me tells me that it would just be bringing up the A and past and it is not necessary because I did not actually see him or even talk to him.

I really need advice from both sides. He also still reads on here occasionally. So I don't want him to find out on here and be upset with me for not telling him.

Other than telling me to move far, far away (which is not feasible right now) please share your thoughts and or 2X4s with me.

Thanks!!!!

Absolutely tell him. You are right about radical honesty this applies here. There should be no secrets, remember that. Your guilt is there because your hear knows you should tell him. This will help the two of you to discuss a way to put an EP in place to keep anything from happenening. FYI I'm proud of you for posting this, but you already know the answer.

uhh..Yes 100% yes. So you are considering NOT telling him? Please tell me you aren�t serious. Please tell me you have changed and understand the dangers of not being O&H and not having Radical Honesty.

If Clearmind ran into OM and didn't tell me? Well let�s just say any violation of O&H is a deal breaker for me. Most likely I would walk away from the M. Sound extreme? Maybe to some. Not to me. ANY sign of hiding ANYTHING is a deal breaker. She knows this..no questions asked. She would be out on her tail so fast her head would spin.

If clearmind would even CONSIDER not telling me something like this..I would be so hurt I can�t describe it�

This is your chance to prove to him again that you are never going to hide anything from him ever again. Period.

Your children may have many experiences in which other friends they have in which you don�t approve of. What is more important�your child having a friend today that most likely they won�t even know in a few years or your M?

That is the answer to your Q. Also, saying that moving is not feasible is saying that other things in life are more important than your M. Clearmind told me she would move anywhere in the country to make our M secure. As long as we have each other.

Tell your H today. NEVER go to that neighborhood again. Consider moving. There is a Zero chance of me ever living in the town in with the POSOM from this end. Actually, Clearmind�s parents live in that town. Guess what? We don�t go there anymore and it is like 80 miles away�. Let alone the same town.

Yeah it is that serious.

Yes, tell him now and you can come up with a plan together to avoid going there. You shouldn't ever go back there.


There are not "both sides," there is ONE SIDE. This does not fall under the rule of "never discuss the affair again" because it is a new condition that must be addressed. New conditions should always be addressed.

I am very disturbed by your position and question here fifteen years...very disturbed....

Completely shocked you would even have to take 2 seconds to grapple with them in your mind.

I pray for your H that you have truly changed�.

Honestly, these questions you posed make me question that in you. Sounds like you have not changed.

Makes me sad for you and your family. I hope you can take a deep look in the mirror today and ask yourself who you really are� what your morals, principals and honor mean to you.

edit: what you should have done is picked up the phone the very second this happened and told him.

I think she is confused about the rule to never discuss the affair. But this is not about the affair, it is about a new condition that has popped up. IT has to be addressed so new EPs can be implemented.

Not sure about that ML. I think she knows exactly what she is doing. She wanted to protect her H by withholding facts.