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Joined: Jun 2012
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1 |
just wondering how my wife might feel about me getting a vesectomy after the fact......almost 14yrs after
I pray that one day the pain I've caused will be forgiven.
I don't know if my marriage will survive to the end that i've
always dreamed of.....but one thing i do know for sure is that i never want to hurt my wife and family that way again and i'm
sure i never want to bring another child into the world
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
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Why don't you ask her?
How long married? Any kids? Have you been 'trying' to get pregnant and keeping this from her as the cause of failure? All deception is bad, but with this, I would feel differently about outright betrayal (sneaking off for the snip, lying about wanting kids knowing you can't) than something that was never a topic of conversation because we weren't talking about kids anyway.
But what you need to do is fess up to her.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 231
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Blue,
First wecome to MB! Maybe you could tell us more about your story and what "pain" you have caused. Are you thinking of doing this without your wife knowing?
OR are you saying that you got another woman pregnant 14 years ago? If so, unless you are still having affairs, how would you having a vesectomy help with this pain you have caused? I don't understand. ??
Last edited by tismeagain; 06/14/12 08:25 PM.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 48
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Wow...BrainHurts...you are GOOD.
Yes, this is us. I'm his BW. Thanks for documenting our segment.
4eva
BW-47
WH-46
Married 21 yrs.
D-19
S-15
OC-14/born 9/99
NC
Dday #1 10/30/04
Dday #2 7/2/12 Skank ho #2 (40ish, childless, single & desperate; the world is becoming over-run with them...just like cheaters)
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
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Wow...BrainHurts...you are GOOD.
Yes, this is us. I'm his BW. Thanks for documenting our segment. You're welcome. So how are you guys doing?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Wow...BrainHurts...you are GOOD.
Yes, this is us. I'm his BW. Thanks for documenting our segment. Wow, I had no idea that was you, 4eva. I am so sorry. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
4eva, how are you doing? And would your husband come here and post to us? I heard a lot of excuses from him in his discussion with Dr Harley and that concerns me.
We can help you affair proof your marriage.
"If your spouse is unwilling to take extraordinary precautions and follow the policy of joint agreement this is not going to work."
What EPs has he implemented? I hope you are watching this guy like a HAWK.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352
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Hallelujah! Somebody else noticed the overly-guarded crypto-speak that emanated from him.
"I may have seen her on the street in December..."
"I may have e-mailed her...."
"I told her, 'If you truly...respect...me you'll let me end this." (Obviously, the word he used at the time was "love".)
4eva, one of you should open a thread on SAA (or move this one there). That's where the camouflage and obfuscations can be flushed out, with the power of several dozen MB scrub-brushes!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Exactly, he needs to come here where money talks and bullsh** walks....
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2007
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Exactly, he needs to come here where money talks and bullsh** walks.... Isnt the OP the hubby?
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Exactly, he needs to come here where money talks and bullsh** walks.... Isnt the OP the hubby? Yes.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 48
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Wow...BrainHurts...you are GOOD.
Yes, this is us. I'm his BW. Thanks for documenting our segment. You're welcome. So how are you guys doing? As expected....limping along .
4eva
BW-47
WH-46
Married 21 yrs.
D-19
S-15
OC-14/born 9/99
NC
Dday #1 10/30/04
Dday #2 7/2/12 Skank ho #2 (40ish, childless, single & desperate; the world is becoming over-run with them...just like cheaters)
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 48
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4eva, how are you doing?
I could be better...much better.
And would your husband come here and post to us?
I don't know, but he NEEDS to. I'll ask him to return...again.
I heard a lot of excuses from him in his discussion with Dr Harley and that concerns me.
Mel, your instincts are as sharp as ever. It continues to concern me as well.
We can help you affair proof your marriage.
I'd appreciate all the help we can get.
"If your spouse is unwilling to take extraordinary precautions and follow the policy of joint agreement this is not going to work."
What EPs has he implemented?
I'll leave this for him to address. Maybe he can get some assistance with this since I pulled from the ideas from some of the threads here. I told him the list was an example, but I'd like him to put some serious thought into the path he took & the behaviors he had, that lead him there AGAIN and come up with EP's to put into place from that also.
And I'm still waiting...
I hope you are watching this guy like a HAWK.
I most DEFINITELY am.
And I thank you for your time & concern Mel.
4eva
BW-47
WH-46
Married 21 yrs.
D-19
S-15
OC-14/born 9/99
NC
Dday #1 10/30/04
Dday #2 7/2/12 Skank ho #2 (40ish, childless, single & desperate; the world is becoming over-run with them...just like cheaters)
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 48
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Hallelujah! Somebody else noticed the overly-guarded crypto-speak that emanated from him.
Ahhhhhh...you picked up on that, eh?
"I may have seen her on the street in December..."
"I may have e-mailed her...."
"I told her, 'If you truly...respect...me you'll let me end this." (Obviously, the word he used at the time was "love".)
And you would be correct. Yet another sharp vet.
4eva, one of you should open a thread on SAA (or move this one there). That's where the camouflage and obfuscations can be flushed out, with the power of several dozen MB scrub-brushes!
NG, thanks for weighing in. I hope you're around if he returns.
4eva
BW-47
WH-46
Married 21 yrs.
D-19
S-15
OC-14/born 9/99
NC
Dday #1 10/30/04
Dday #2 7/2/12 Skank ho #2 (40ish, childless, single & desperate; the world is becoming over-run with them...just like cheaters)
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 48
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Posts: 48 |
Wow�this HAS to be this site�s biggest example of �fog-babble� EVER. Also, the biggest scream for help I�ve EVER seen someone post.
Forgive me for using my WH�s �sick attempt � at starting a thread�the thread that got him busted & dday #2. But I purposely let it go cold to prove a bit of a point. He was not & continues to not be serious about recovery. Oh, he always SAYS he is�but as we all know�actions ALWAYS speak louder than words.
I just felt compelled to translate this B*ll Sh**:
just wondering how my wife might feel about me getting a vesectomy after the fact......almost 14yrs after
but 8 yrs. after her dday of that affair & her asking me to get one then...to make her feel safe. I looked at her like she had 3 heads. There was NO WAY that was going to happen. I�d NEVER risk something happening to THAT. So�why is it important to me NOW to take this into consideration? Hmmm�.
I pray that one day the pain I've caused will be forgiven.
�ummm�I mean�forgotten.
I don't know if my marriage will survive to the end that i've
always dreamed of.....
I don�t know because I�m currently cheating again, and she has no clue�again. So, if she doesn�t find out�I�m good. If she does�then I have a problem.
but one thing i do know for sure is that i never want to hurt my wife and family that way again
even though I�m currently doing it. They just don�t know�yet.
and i'm
sure i never want to bring another child into the world
Even though I�m currently doing EXACTLY what I did in the past that acquired an OC�and destroyed my wife. Can everyone see how well I learned from my past mistakes? So why doesn't my wife?
4eva
BW-47
WH-46
Married 21 yrs.
D-19
S-15
OC-14/born 9/99
NC
Dday #1 10/30/04
Dday #2 7/2/12 Skank ho #2 (40ish, childless, single & desperate; the world is becoming over-run with them...just like cheaters)
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4 |
Wow�this HAS to be this site�s biggest example of �fog-babble� EVER. Also, the biggest scream for help I�ve EVER seen someone post.
Forgive me for using my WH�s �sick attempt � at starting a thread�the thread that got him busted & dday #2. But I purposely let it go cold to prove a bit of a point. He was not & continues to not be serious about recovery. Oh, he always SAYS he is�but as we all know�actions ALWAYS speak louder than words.
I just felt compelled to translate this B*ll Sh**:
just wondering how my wife might feel about me getting a vesectomy after the fact......almost 14yrs after
but 8 yrs. after her dday of that affair & her asking me to get one then...to make her feel safe. I looked at her like she had 3 heads. There was NO WAY that was going to happen. I�d NEVER risk something happening to THAT. So�why is it important to me NOW to take this into consideration? Hmmm�.
I pray that one day the pain I've caused will be forgiven.
�ummm�I mean�forgotten.
I don't know if my marriage will survive to the end that i've
always dreamed of.....
I don�t know because I�m currently cheating again, and she has no clue�again. So, if she doesn�t find out�I�m good. If she does�then I have a problem.
but one thing i do know for sure is that i never want to hurt my wife and family that way again
even though I�m currently doing it. They just don�t know�yet.
and i'm
sure i never want to bring another child into the world
Even though I�m currently doing EXACTLY what I did in the past that acquired an OC�and destroyed my wife. Can everyone see how well I learned from my past mistakes? So why doesn't my wife?
Sorry 4eva, did it happen again?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 48
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 48 |
No...not that I know of anyway.
Just no progress since the July dday. And I'm nearing the end of my rope. Just letting out some frustration I guess.
4eva
BW-47
WH-46
Married 21 yrs.
D-19
S-15
OC-14/born 9/99
NC
Dday #1 10/30/04
Dday #2 7/2/12 Skank ho #2 (40ish, childless, single & desperate; the world is becoming over-run with them...just like cheaters)
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4 |
No...not that I know of anyway.
Just no progress since the July dday. And I'm nearing the end of my rope. Just letting out some frustration I guess. Is he holding to his EPs?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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