I used to post to this site under another name but I can't remember the password I used to use and I lost the email address when he took over the phone account so here I am, back again, but as RainyEvening this time.

Back then, I was Robyn Raum. I posted about how my husband was taking another women out dancing and leaving me at home. People on this site recommended that I drive to the same dance place to upset his romantic evening out.

Unfortunately, I wasn't strong enough to do that then. Time's gone by. He didn't pair off with the woman he was trotting out. Through her, he met another woman, dumped me, shirted her into our house, and I ran away.

The road has been long and rocky. I'm now set up in an investment property that I've been doing up for the past 2 years. It's 3 years since he dumped me and moved his new woman into our house a week later.

I've basically been on my own for the past 3 years. During that time, I've had no option but to get strong. What a difference it would have made back then if I'd been as strong as I am now.

The me now would go to his dance alright. The me now not only would go to where he was with the other woman but would dance with every man there. The me now has the courage and cheek that the me then didn't have.
The me now would go over to him, sitting with the other woman, and would sit on his lap to introduce myself to everyone present. "Hi, I"m his wife". That'd cramp his style.

Back then, in 2009, I simply didn't have the strength. I appreciate the recommendations on this site but they're difficult to carry out when you've had years of being controlled, bullied, put down and when your self esteem is at rock bottom.

[This sure is a difficult site to type into. It would be nice if what I'm typing stayed put in the box on the screen].

So I guess what I'm saying is that I admire those with the strength to stand up to their cheating spouses. I have that strength now but didn't back then.

My cheating fiance moved my replacement into our house, told me the three of us could live together (like hell!), told me I could like it or lump it (I picked the lump it option) and bullied me until I ran away.

I stayed in a caravan at a remote location for 7 months then scraped together enough money to buy a do-er upper project in a rough area not too far from the house he and I built together.

Back in 2009, I was always wary that he'd read what I wrote on this site. Now I couldn't care less because the one thing I've learnt out of the whole horrible experience is that we each own our own behaviour.

He did what he did. There's no denying it. He can lie and deny all he likes. The fact is that he moved that woman's possessions into our house, hung her clothes next to mine, shoved my stuff out of the way, paraded her photos in front of me, mocked me with his involvement with her, showed not one iota of empathy or sympathy and generally behaved like an up-himself, selfish, inconsiderate prat.

The courage I've gained by being on my own, living in a rumpty caravan in a remote location, having to do everything totally alone without support (I have no family), the courage I've gained is astronomical.

Were I in the same mind-set back then as I am now, the moment his back was turned after he'd moved her stuff in, I'd pack the whole lot in my car, deliver it to the second hand shop then text her to tell her where it was so she'd have to buy it all back.

No way would I now put up with what I put up with back then, no way. I was weak then. I'm certainly not now.

So I guess my story adds another dimension to the advice given here. The one who's been cheated upon has to summonse up strength to stand up to the cheater. While this may be incredibly difficult at the time, in the long run, that strength becomes ingrained. One goes from being something of a pathetic push-over to a woman or man of substance. In this way, something positive comes out of the whole, sorry business.

I would not recommend going through what I went through to gain the strength I've now got but I'm grateful that I've now got it. Having lived alone in my renovation project house in a rough area where crime is the norm, having survived seeing the OM and his new woman flaunted all over the place, having coped on my own, having made it on my own, I'm absolutely certain that were I to find myself in the same situation again, there's no way I would be the mouse I was back then and absolutely No Way I'd put up with the abuse I put up with back then.

His marriage to my replacement hasn't turned out to be so hot afterall. It was too hot not to cool down. Living together from day one, engaged within 6 months, married less than a year after he dumped me, too much, too soon, I hear that he's treating my replacement with disdain.

I also hear down the bush telegraph that he's been enquiring after me and talking in fond terms of the life we used to have. What a surprise he'd get if he approached the me of now expecting the pathetic pushover from back then. He'd be disappointed. The me now wouldn't tolerate his b.s the way I used to. Also, the me now has made a social life of my own and if he went out with another woman, dancing, he'd best be very worried indeed about what I was up to at the same time because all the while he's been married to my replacement, I've been out on the singles scene and for sure, I know my way around far better than he does. Would the me now go to the dances to see what he was up to when he was out without me? You bet I would, dressed to kill, looking stunning, not for revenge but to follow the advice I got on this site 3 years ago but wasn't able to follow.

Were you married? Or engaged.