No divorce papers yet, which makes me question how serious he is. The Hearing on Oct. 4th is for his Domestic Violence charge, and I am the victim/witness. I have been on his side trying to get the DA not to prosecute him, but now everyone has decided this is all my fault and they need to build a case to make me look unstable.

No church, but obviously need to. Since I'm thinking of moving I haven't gotten a job or chosen a church. I am pretty sure I have made up my mind to pack up things, cut off all communication with him, not move completely out, but go to my mother's house 3 hours away where I have a support system. I do have a church there.

I don't plan on replying to any communication from him that doesn't involve the baby or counseling.

Do you have a lawyer for your hearing in Oct?

Are you still in anger mgmt?

I do not have an Attorney, he controls all of the $ and cut me off. I also can't seem to get legal aid. My idea is to bring the proof he assaulted me to the Hearing, bc I'm sure he will have proof of my arrest, but that's all I can think of to defend myself.

The CPS worker required a 4 hour course, so that's what I've completed. With church, anger management, and a job it'd hard to commit to anything regular when I don't even know where I will be living.

Where are you living right now?

Post traumatic stress disorder is something we have all suffered from one way or another. You are a classic battered spouse. Please don't feel alone you are in safe hands here.

But read up on the Marriage Builder concepts. You have no idea how valuable they will be once your husband and his family start their inevitable custody fight. At this point your husband only cares about his addiction to alcohol and his mother only cares about overturning the restraining order. Do not trust either of them or plan on them having any feelings left for you.

So here is how MB can help you; it teaches you how to have great relationships with all those around you. When I was in arbitration with my ex, I was able to win the support of all the people in the room by never interrupting, listening carefully and presenting my points calmly and thoughtfully with no disrespectful judgements. He, on the other hand, yelled and interrupted incessantly - banging on the table to make his points. I was the 'in control' parent and he was the 'out of control' child. That is exactly what you will need to present to the court and the stuff on this site will show you how. I promise you that every minute you spend reading and understanding the stuff on here will help your cause.

Keep posting ok?

I am in the marital home in the town we live in together. He has moved out his clothes and taken the baby to his parent's house 20 mins. away. I have no family, friends, work, or support group here. I fear as long as I stay I will only pine away and beg to see my baby to no avail. I feel I shouldn't move out, but at least get my essentials and go where I have family. Then, only return if they let me see the baby and for the Custody Hearing. I do want to work on the marriage, but another reason I have threatened to leave him so often is that he's motivated by the threat of losing me. If he is going to come around and want counseling it's not going to be while I'm sitting here begging him, it's going to be when I'm moving on.

Do you have all this documented?
DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT

Also this is free.
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Thank you. I agree. I feel like I was nothing but a Surrogate Mom to him, now they will take my baby. I want to hold out hope that him not filing for divorce, but I think maybe the sooner I accept that he no longer loves me and my girls the better.

I just know that whatever happens with custody, after all of this is over he will beg me back, so this seems like a total waste of time and money.

Great plan. This thread is pretty much my most extensive documentation so far. Also, I will go to the radio show. Right now I'm still in crisis mode. Checking this thread while I pack our things up. When I have a proper keyboard (not my phone) I will sit down to type it all out.

At the minimum, a domestic violence shelter can provide you with a support worker to assist through court proceedings (not as legal aid obviously but they may be able to get you in touch with that too).

I will go on Monday in my mother's town. I will also probably need food stamps or something because he has left me totally broke. I have already borrowed all I can for family, can't even afford a uhaul to get out and he won't help me. I even asked his parents for any help they can give for me to move out and he specifically forbade them to help me.

Now they won't even speak to me. And it may be for the better not to contact him or them, but its hard when I'm broke and need help, AND they have my baby and I want updates on her.

I can't eat or sleep. I'm losing weight. Feeling alternately strong then completely broken. People say he was never "good enough" for me, I am way more attractive than he should be able to get, way smarter than him, and a better person. But I'm the one alone and crying while he's aloof and surrounded by support.

So he has no legal right to keep you from your daughter?

Have you asked for a police escort to go over there so you can see her?

No. He has no legal right to keep her from me, other than the fact that he's her father, and can take her wherever he wants. He has her at one of two places, but won't tell me where. I ask for pictures and updates and he just tells me she's "fine" and I can't see her until we see what the Judge says regarding custody on the 27th, 3 weeks!! The Temp. Restraining Order he filed mutual and basically just prevents us from hiding her from one another (what he's doing!) Or "disturbing the peace."

I know he made a Dr appointment for her, I'm half tempted to show up there and take her, since it is within my legal right. But that's why they say they won't let me see her, they fear I will take her when that's exactly what they're doing to me!

I have a call in to request an escort, but it isn't likely since I've talked to them before and they say this is a civil matter, he CAN take the baby as long as I know she's in his care, and they don't get involved with this stuff.

Have you tried showing up to one of the two places? Take a witness with you.

Yes I would show up to the doctor apt. That's your daughter also.

You need to get some legal help. Will your family help you with the money?

Well those two places are residences, his Sister and mother, and I'm afraid they will call the police. They already said I can't see her. I don't want to be seen as harrassing and get arrested again.

My mother said no to the Dr appt, that it looks too aggressive. If I'm out of town I might have to miss it, going to think about this one.

No. My parents have already loaned me all they can for my last custody battle that just ended this April. That's why he's doing this now, he knows I'm broke w no source of help. I'm pretty much screwed when it cones to getting legal help.

I would keep requesting a police escorted. Did you tell the police that his mom and sister and he refuse to let you see your daughter and you're worried they will file trespassing?

Get it on record that you're requesting to see your daughter. Do you have it in writing his refusal to let you see her? Keep these as evidence.

Yes. I have it in writing. Police turned me down but at least I'm trying.

Yes keep trying. Can you request to sit down with an officer and explain your situation?

More documentation showing you're trying to see your daughter.

I will do that. Also, I keep asking them if I can see her. They are pretty much telling me she's fine and I will see her soon. Also asked me not to contact them during work hours. But I think its important to prove I am asking and they are refusing

I talked to a police officer who advised me not to move my stuff out or leave the house. He said if I do that my stbx can say I abandoned him, our daughter, our home, and my stuff. Since it's a community property state he is also free to dispose or my things, which he might do just to make it look as if I'd moved out. The officer also told me I am free to do what I want with his things. It seems he's already gotten his valuables out, but I took a few things to the pawn shop and was offered. Very little. I feel okay doing this since he's taken my computer and cut me off financially, and left me here to starve. But since they weren't worth much I brought them back, not worth the fight selling them might provoke.

Besides not filing for divorce, or seeming to want to help me get out, he also hasn't turned my phone off. It's in his name and he could very easily turn it off (he has before), but hasn't done that. I wonder if its bc he's recordibg my calls...