Did you leave the house?
Did you leave the Plan B letter?

I leave the house today. A friend is coming over to help me pack his stuff. Yes the plan B letter will be with his things.

I already feel very bad. There's not much talk on how the BS is supposed to get through withdrawal???? I won't contact him. I get it; I deserve better, but what should I be doing right now besides laying here wondering......

What kind of things can you do for yourself? What do you like?

Make sure you're maintaining self care. Eating, sleeping and exercising.

Get a pedicure or manicure or get your hair done. Time for you.

Everything went ok?

6877

Hiw is your Plan B going? Any update?

nESRE

Almost home, in airport. I can't wait to update, I have so many more questions now. It's to hard on my phone.

I've been waiting allll day to hear your update

Hope you are doing ok!

In Plan B you work on yourself. Take a class, work out, go out with friends, do a pedicure, etc. Keep busy!

Here's where I'm at...Left everything in the garage and told him there was something in the mailbox for him, which was his letter. I already had taken his key off his key ring which I knew he wouldn't notice until he got home and had locked all the windows. Well, he got in anyway somehow through a window that had an air conditioner in it, and started calling me from the home phone; I did not answer. Which, I know isn't funny but I did laugh that my plan got muddled within ten minutes of it starting. I sent my boss over there to make sure he hadn't broke anything and to tell him to get his stuff and leave. I flew out the next morning for a week. He spent the first couple of days I'm pretty sure with the POSOW and then I think it started to sink in. By Monday he had given me all passwords to every account that he has, including phone account and bank accounts. He had changed his number and made an appointment at RH. He sent me all the texts between him and POSOW that said it was done. She is not happy at all, and I'm sure this isn't the last of her, she really will drive down to find him. He also agreed to the polygraph, which I've yet to really look into, but I just need some help on finding one and questions. He did get into the RH place, which is an addiction center. He did all there tests and he scored quite high on sex addiction, and I mean 16 out of 18, which the counselor said sometimes they might score higher or lower than they really are b/c they are either prooving they need to be there or that they don't need to be there for their spouses. He said they will obviously dig into it more as they go. Him and his new counselor set up a weekly program and his counselor called me. Apparantly I get called every week or sent something every week telling me if he goes, how well he is doing, and if he did his homework. I'm allowed to call the therapist at any time for any kind of updates. My WH signed a release to me. I did talk in great length with the counselor and told him about MB and the polygraph. He agreed it was a good idea. He also that WH and I will come in and make up a contract of boundaries. If my WH does ANY of the stuff on the contract I am supposed to file for divorce immediately. I don't know if this will work or not, but I agreed to wait a month or two to file for divorce until I can see what kind of progress is being made, unless of course he breaks any of the boundaries on the list. I will continue to work on myself, I'm definitely going to sign up for some classes and actually, really get my house organized. Being gone that week was hard but I really did realize I will will be okay by myself with or without my H. I'm closer to leaving and taking care of myself than I have ever been. This website really opened my eyes to a lot of things.
Maybe I'm not supposed to think it's funny but, I'm sure my WH was really suprised his stuff was in the garage, I've never done anything like that before. It would've been nice to see his face.
He also figured out I must have bugged his phone somehow and he wasn't mad at all, which I thought would completely piss him off and he asked if I wanted to put it back on there; that he would let me. B/c his phone was not working about two days into Plan B so he had to have the phone company reset his phone so the eblaster didn't work anymore after that. I would've had to put it back on there. But I already had my evidence and that's all I needed and besides I made my sister-in-law change the email password as soon as I went into plan B so that I couldn't look at it at all b/c I knew this was for myself and I knew looking at there conversations would only kill me. So she was in charge of that part under strict rules not to tell me anything, but then his phone got reset so it was done.
That's where we are at. We still need to do a no contact letter, or he does and I need to approve it. I just got home and work double shifts for two days so nothing has gotten done since I got home. That's where I'm at right now.

Here to help with the polygraph. There are also ideas for the questions in this thread.
Polygraph Testing

All my friends were really great. No one broke any of the rules about me not wanting to know anything about WH or about POSOW no matter what they did, good or bad. It's really hard for people not to update you. I couldn't of done any of it without them or without all these rules for me to follow. I think some of them thought I was crazy b/c I kept saying I had to follow MB rules exactly! That meant sitting on knowing that my WH was still in contact with her for 4 days!!! I knew this was the right way to do it though, no matter which way it turns out.

Ok so what are your EPs for him and conditions for him to meet?

Is following a MB program one? Either MB coaching or online program?

Getting into a RH program was one and sticking with it. What else?

Kiddo, you're going to need for him to schedule a complete set of STD screens for both of you, as well.
But WOW!

Reinstall the eblaster on the phone but don't tell him about it.

Good job on the rest. I particularly like the "zero tolerance" contract that was discussed with the therapy group.

6877

Very good update.

NW's I would normally agree with this position where other addictions are not present in the M and A exists. When other addictions also are present 6877 will need to let WH know upfront in no uncertain terms where the bears sheeits in the woods until he has the other addiction into a stable recovery program. Usually addicts only understand stiff consequences being enforced.






6877 your journey to recovery could be longer than most. Most believe when the other addictions are resolved then the M will automatically straighten out. Your WH and you will have to re-learn new ways which may bleed over into the other addiction. Most recovery programs for the affected spouse teach detachment and iron clad boundaries. MB's does this through Plan A and B with spouses only involved in A's. In your case detachment to stay safe emotionally may need to be used while WH recovers personally. In other words he may need time to learn his recovery program and implement it before he IS ABLE to work on the M. WH's screwed up thinking will need to change first because the other addiction may over ride his consideration and care for the M.

Then the A is an issue itself.

Some of his recovery program and also what you are asked to do may be contrary to MB's advice. It will come down to you having a real good handle on what need is real for the M and should be provided and what bleeds over from the other addiction and should not be provided for WH's own good and for the sake of the M in the long run.

Only believe WH's actions right now and let his long term actions (truely following the SA recovery program) be your guide before becoming vunerable to him again. Use caution until his actions show HE gets it and he knows you will totally enforce your consequences. If you make it a consequence and it is violated then enforce it. Otherwise if you can not or will not enforce it do not say it.

You will know when it is safe again by his true actions.

nESRE

Brainhurts-I need to really think about the EP's, extraordinary precautions, right??? At this point him doing anything wrong towards me will make me file. MB program is a must but what I've read is he has to deal with this addiction first before we work on the MB program. I will continue learning and reading b/c I know that is the right thing for me to do to be a better partner.
Northwood8900-I have his phone records, why would it be benifical for me to reinstall eblaster on that paticular phone? I will if that's what I need to do, I'm just wondering why? I will do whatever this board tells me.
NESRE-I'm confused about some of your posting, b/c I'm new to this forum and I don't know how to repost like other people do so please bear with me. I'm going to copy and paste.
......."When other addictions also are present 6877 will need to let WH know upfront in no uncertain terms where the bears sheeits in the woods until he has the other addiction into a stable recovery program.".......I need a better understanding of this statement.
......."It will come down to you having a real good handle on what need is real for the M and should be provided and what bleeds over from the other addiction and should not be provided for WH's own good and for the sake of the M in the long run.......this none as well.
Maybe I'm fooling myself but I really feel at a place where any negligence toward me will make me file. And I mean ANY!!!

What we are saying is first the addiction needs to be dealt with. Dr. Harley says MB will not work if there's an addiction.

You must also keep your spyware on so you know what's going on.

One of your conditions must be. Be in a program and work the program for his addiction.