I have been reading many posts, but many are from the victims in the affair, i was the one who cheated on my husband, 3 months after we were married.
When my husband asked me about it, I confessed to everything and only wanted a chance to work things out. The affair had stopped before he even found out.
This was 3 months ago, we have been to counseling, but my husband is still angry and although its not as angry as he was before, he is now telling me he cannot get passed it and just wants to call it quits. He is not interested in the home courses or in listening to any of the radio broadcasts. He only opens up to me when he is under the influence of alcohol. When he is sober, he seems very happy, but when he us drunk, he says he is tired of pretending to be happy.
It is so difficult communicating with him. I cheated on him because he did not meet my emotional needs, and when I would tell him, he would say I was too needy. He would push me away when all I wanted was to hug him or he would say he was too busy to give me a kiss.
He says he loves me, but I dont understand why he does not want to work on any of the things that will make our marriage stronger?
I try so hard everyday to make love deposits, but its hopeless....he can't forgive me and so, keeps saying he wants to leave.
We don't have any children. I am sorry for my infidelity, understand that I broke his heart, trust and my vow to be faithful.
I try to remain positive and just focus on the future, and although he says he has tried, he is still focused on the past and cannot move forward.
I don't know what else to do. If anyone can offer any guidance, I would truly appreciate it. thank you
IG

Is he an alcoholic?
Are you an alcoholic?

You cheated 3 months after getting married? WOW. Did you live together before getting married? How did your marriage fall apart so quickly? And while he may not have been meeting your needs, that does not entitle you to an affair. Did you feel entitled?

Have you ended ALL contact with the OM? Is he married and if so, has his wife been informed of what you did?

No i hardly even drink. He has always drank, but he drinks more often now. He knows I don't like it when he drinks too much, but he still does it. His mother is an alcoholic and although he admits he does not want to end up like her, he continues to drink.

Did you see these?

Could you answer please?

My husband and I lived together for a year before we were married. OM was not married and there is no communication between us. I don't even know how my relationship with the other person got as far as it did. It was not sexual, but it was emotional. I only came to realize the reasons why I cheated during the counseling sessions after the affair. It was difficult for me also because it was something I never thought I would do. There is not a day that goes by that I don't regret it. I feel awful for hurting the person I love most. Its also been a challenge for me to get passed it and focus on the future.

Have you seen this?
Alcoholic Spouse #1

Do you understand now that it happened because you have poor boundaries around men? If you had not allowed another man to meet your emotional needs it wouldn't have happened. Even if your husband met all of your needs, it would have still happened and will happen again in the future unless this changes.

Is there a reason why you married him if he did a poor job of meeting your needs?

I married him because I love him. When he would say that I need too much attention, I would believe him and figured I was the one with the problem. I needed to find something to do..like he would tell me because I had too much time on my hands. I remember times I just wanted to give him a hug and I would stop, because I knew he would only feel bothered, so I would not approach him.
After the counseling sessions, things changed a little. We were spending more time together, he would spend more time with me, we would do more things together. I thought things were moving in the right direction and was hopeful that our marriage would be stronger than it was before the affair. And so, I was hopeful that we would get passed it. It is only under the influence of alcohol when he starts to tell me that he only pretends to be happy with me and does not want to be with because of what I did.
I just read the alcoholic spouse link...and I don't know if Im just in denial about his drinking. He would never agree to alcohol counseling. I don'y know what to do....

dlrdiet, there might not be much you can do if he has decided to move on. And that is his right. Adultery is a get out of jail free card. For such a short marriage, there sure has been alot of trauma so getting out might be the best thing for everyone.

He is an alcoholic who dislikes your need for affection. You cheated on him after 1 year of living together plus 3 months of marriage.

Please end this marriage before you end up pregnant. This is not a good relationship for either of you. He is not working on his issues, you are. Let him go and wish him the best, then continue working on yourself.

Next, please stay here reading and improving yourself so that you will become a non-cheater before you meet a good non-alcoholic man who you do not have to fear hugging. Admit that you cheated because you are someone willing to cheat, then change that characteristic - - - permanently. You must understand that you cannot blame your cheating on what someone else does or does not do, just as I cannot blame my husband for my eating donuts yesterday because he brought them into the house.

Somehow this particular marriage brings out the mother in me, so I'll say right now: Also please give up the opinion that it is a good idea to live with a boyfriend before marriage; it is not. Do things the right way next time, have a great marriage, and then go for bringing children into a loving non-addictive/non-cheating household. You will look back and wonder, "What was I thinking!"

You have every right to divorce him for his alcoholism; he has every right to divorce you for your cheating. I can't see any reason for someone who has been cheated on in such a short time with no children involved to go through hell just to stay with the cheater. I also cannot see any reason to stick with an alcoholic.