Is this a new OM?

Have you done your Intel on the number? How do you know he's married?

It is possibly a new OM. I have done my intel on the phone number and found a name for the number. The only way I found out that he could know this person is the name matches a teacher that taught at her school last year. That is about as much as I have so far.

All I know is that the last few texts she sent to the number, that number did not respond back.

Somebody that I work with told me that he might be married.

Being separated is going to make it very difficult to snoop. Now that's she has separated your phone bill makes your last form of Intel out the window.

I am going to respond to a recent email my WW sent me about what went wrong. In this email I will try not to LB but I will be open and honest and tell the truth. I will post the email before I send it to see what ya'll think of it.

By the way is something up with the website, it is loading slow. I thought it was just my computer but it is doing it on all my computers and phone.

BH, this is what she said went wrong in the marriage.

1. You do not listen. You only hear what you want to hear which is not always what I said.

2. You did not talk to me. You act like you are devoid of emotions. A person cannot be like that. I need someone who feels things.

3. Rarely did you defend me and my feelings. Usually the only time you would defend me would be to strangers not really to other people you love.

4. It was not about the quantity of time spent together. It was about the quality of time spent together. You thought quitting your job as comanager would make things better. That would not be the case. When you would get home from work, you would plop down in front of the tv or computer and barely speak until the boys and I forced you to. By then, you would be yelling because you were pissed off by the distraction.

5. You have split personalities. At work, you are one person. At home, you are another person. You need to decided who you are going to be.

6. You say that you never said that you don't believe in God, but you did. You verbally said it while we were dating. You said it with your actions while we were married by not taking communion and being involved in the church service. Krystian noticed these things and asked me about them. I cannot speak for you. You have to explain these things to your sons.

Some of these things I knew about somewhat and some I didn't. I am replying with an email and this is what I got so far. Please let me know if I'm headed in the wrong direction. I'm trying to be open and honest without lovebusting.

Dear WW,

1. I'm not sure when we were dating that I told you I didn't believe in God but since it appears I did then I am very sorry for saying that.

As far as showing that I don't believe in God by my actions. Different people worship different ways. I don't like singing in public places. I did enjoy singing to you while we were dating and I don't know why I ever stopped. But in church it is not something I was comfortable with. Did that show somehow that I didn't believe in God then I am sorry. As far as communion I was taught by my father not to take it unless I was ready to be saved and give my heart the Lord. Was I ready at those times, no I don't think I was, did it mean I didn't believe in God, apparently it did in your eyes and for that I am sorry. If communion means something else in the eyes of Methodist than it does in the eyes of Pentecostal then I would like to learn the difference. Preferably I would like to learn the difference from you, my wife and the Pastor.

First of all she may be rewritting history. I would not try and educate her.

Since you're in Plan A you need to do Plan A phrases. Own up to your shortfalls and tell her you are changing using MB principles. Promise her that if you both work the MB program that you know you will have a wonderful M and both be in love.

Tell her you promise to not do anything without her enthusiastic agreement. That you promise to give 15-20 hours a week of UA time doing RC stuff with her. That you promise to give 15 hrs a week to FC.

How do I tell her without letting her know about the website. Or am I at a point where I can tell her.

Bump

You can tell her you are reading a book called "His Needs, Her Needs" (should be at any good-sized bookstore, or on Amazon, or on the online bookstore on the links at the top of the webpage you're on right now). Works for me so far. "Oh look, my husband is so concerned about our marriage/me that he's busy reading books to try to help."

I have already read that book. I read it in a day and a half after she told me about one night stand and I'm not a reader. She is the reader and I finished the book before her but then again she really didn't care at the moment because she was already talking to somebody else.

You can write the letter and not tell her about the website or MB.

Or you can say that you are getting help for your marriage from a doctor whom is a clinical psychologist with 40+ years of experience saving marriages.
That you are doing everything in his plan and that you know if you both follow it that you will have a romantic marriage to last a life time. That you would like for her to join you.

Here is a radio clip of Dr. Harley explaining how we have to be like a good salesman.
Radio clip on be like a salesperson

BH, just got finished reading chapter 2 of Love Budgets. That one chapter has made me realize that my taker has been controlling this whole situation the whole time.

I think both me and my ww are both in the state of withdrawal. I'm letting my taker lead me and I shouldn't. My taker is telling me to do things to try to get things that will only make me happy. I need to let my giver take control.

Love Busters Chapter Two is indeed a powerful chapter to read.

You taking an important step in educating yourself.
Now stop those love Busters!

He thinks they are Love Budgets!!! hehehehe Good to hear you sounding so positive!!!

T2c,

How's the IC going between you and your a wife? Are you two talking?

What are you doing to keep your taker under control?

All right I have read chapter three of Love Busters (not budgets this time, Littlebit3. LOL). Chapter three is about Selfish Demands. I just have one question that I'm a little confused on.

I want to send my WW a list of EP's. Some will be for her to follow and some will be a list for me to follow so she will see that I am trying to change also. My question is that I keep reading on here that I should demand that she follow the EPs or I will not take her back. To me this seems like a Selfish Demand. Am I wrong, am I just looking at it differently than I should be, or am I somewhat right about it being a Selfish Demand.

I will be sending her an email shorty asking if she will be wiling to read Love Busters with me and work the program that goes along with the book. I'm just wondering about this question since I want to include the EPs in this email.

From someone who is still living the movie, I concur with BrainHurts. . . She IS reinventing the history of your marriage right now. And as incredibly hard as it isto literally IGNORE what she is saying, you have to try, and try hard. She's telling you the moon is made of green cheese and you are climbing over yourself to say "no that's not true!" Let it go now. NONE of her arguments are valid. Practice the art of saying "I'm sorry you're feeling that way. . . "
In time all this BS will taper off. Don't get caught up in it! I did and it dragged me down for months.

Driven2, the problem is I know some of the things she wrote are true. Not all of them but some of them. I understand the fact the with some of the stuff she is trying to rewrite history.

Although I know she is trying to rewrite history I know that some of the stuff in the last email she wrote that I posted (I think I posted it, if not I will) is true. That is the reason for coming up with some EPs for myself and that is the basis for my question.

Just sent this to my wife.

"I want to apologize for allowing may taker to rule our marriage when it should have been my giver.

Giver - Do whatever you can to make your spouse happy and avoid anything that makes your spouse unhappy, even if it makes you unhappy.

Taker - Do whatever you can to make yourself happy and avoid anything that makes you unhappy, even if it makes your spouse unhappy.

From my heart I am sorry for this."