Yes they know my situation. I'm a co-manager of a grocery store. The only schedule I probably could get him to agree with would be for me to work 1-11 all week but I don't think that schedule would help my cause.

I'm in a fight of a lifetime and right now I have lost more battles than won.

I have done exposure, moved back into house after then she moved out, listened to a whole bunch of fog babble, done a plan a after reading five love languages but she didn't want none of it because she was in the affair.

I done my exposure after I caught him in my house. Now I think I need to start another plan a or go into plan b but not sure how to do either. I could try talking with her to start a plan a but if she doesn't respond then I have nothing.

And now I can't keep track of her because I am no longer on her cell phone plan and can't afford a PI.

Can you step down to a lower position without losing too much salary? Or find another store with better hours? I'm just throwing out ideas here. Nothing is impossible.

I don't think any further plan a is practical. You need to go full steam into plan b and focus now on you and your kids. Have you read up on plan b? Found an intermediary?

Hours are the same now matter what store I go to. I am looking at the possibility of stepping down but don't know if I can manage the bills with the loss of salary.

Trust me I believe nothing is impossible but only if I could get her to believe it. She thinks falling back in love is impossible.

I thought my parents would have been my intermediaries but if my oldest doesn't want to go with them then I don't know what to do. And my kids are picky about who they will go with.

Would it be alright to ask her what her biggest feat is about trying to save our marriage.

Bump

Bump, for more thoughts on my letter I'm thinking .about sending WW and the question I am thinking about asking her.

Letter is on page 62 of my thread and question is...

Would it be alright to ask WW what her biggest fear is in trying to save our marriage.

You can ask but what do you think you will get?

Think about it.

I'm all for having a good old heart to heart with the wayward wife. But I think you will only hear justifications and fiction. Thats what I think. But if that is what you need to turn the next corner, then go for it.

Then you may be ready to give her that letter and start loving yourself mire than the girl that hurt you.

Ok?

Where are your kids?

So, did you talk to her yet?

HDW, the kids are with the WW.

T2C, do you work overnights? What is your usual schedule with the kids?

HDW, Kids are with the WW. We both have equal rights until the divorce and with my schedule it was easier on the kids instead of playing tug a war with them.

I see your point Rocketqueen but at this point what do I have to lose. I know my greastest fear about all this is that the kids will grow up and possibly resent her for what she has done and not what anything to do with her.

That might make some sense to her since she doesn't have anything to do with her real father. First time they spoke was a few years ago when we visited her family and then they didn't talk much. Before that it had probably been twenty years or more.

No, you don't have anything to lose. I'm just afraid you will actually believe her.

If the kids grow up to resent her, she has herself to blame. Why are you still taking responsibilty for her actions? You should know better by now.

We want what is best for you, she has to deal with her own consequences. You shouldn't have to. KWIM?

I know what you mean Rocketqueen. I guess what I am trying to do is find something that will sway her mind in the right direction.

My only problem and yes I will go ahead and admit it is that I need to grow a spine. For some reason I have a spine when I'm really ticked off but I know that isn't the right time to say something because I will probably say something I shouldn't say.

Any ideas how to grow a spine without being tick off.

I sometimes take days before I get the nerve to read a response from WW.

I now believe I totally suck at this.

Take a stand and stand up for what you believe. Say what you mean and mean what you say. However you feel is just fine. You also are well within your right to stand up for what you think is right. I actually don't look at it as "growing a spine" as much as just not taking the back seat anymore. Some women know how and WILL run over men to get what they want. They aren't showing love or respect for their spouse. These kinds of people have to be dealt with frankly and boldly. If you have always just kinda backed down, taken the back seat, avoided conflict, she learned exactly how to get her way. Now, just don't back down. Step up and give direction to how this is all gonna go! Be strong. You have to stand up for yourself, but more importantly for your children b/c you are the sane parent in all of this. You have what it takes, just do it!

Update:

Nothing has changed as of yet. I went into a Plan B after my last post. The only thing I haven't done is sent a Plan B letter to my WW. I just haven't been able to come up with the words I want to say without saying something I probably shouldn't. I haven't spoken to WW for a couple months now. She has called to know where the boys are at and texted and I haven't responded. She has sent several emails and I haven't even tried to open them.

The only problem I am have is with an IM. I was using my parents to get the kids and take them back but now I think my parents are siding with her somewhat. My mom told me the other day that I had to get along with her. I said right back to her that there is nothing saying that I have to get along with her. Everybody thinks I have to get along with her. Very frustrating. WW also sent an email to my mom in which my mom forwarded to me. Kinda of upset me, didn't talk to my parents for a week.

In a better note, trying to get a petition going to make the laws stronger for people that commit adultery. I'm going to try to push it for the whole United States but will be really pushing it for the state of South Carolina in which I live. Would any of you be willing to sign it when I get it out there.

Can you get another IM? This is why you're still in pain. Your IM should be a filter.

Read this. It has the IM link and Templates for PBL.

How to Plan B Letter

Get that plan B letter out today.

I sure would be happy to sign along with all my support group.

Too bad the criminal charges are no longer enforced.

Sure would, but you are bucking the system which makes a lot of money on adultry and breakups of families, just so you know..

The world has taken sex out of the commitment in the marriage, and replaced it with money, labeling sex as just a need, a biological function. Which it is, but in a marriage it is so much more. At least in a healthy full marriage it is.

Blessings on your work in doing this, and if I can sign any petition to help put the commitment back in the vows we take when we marry, Im in

Another Update:

Made WW made last weekend because I wouldn't answer her text. I was trying not to read the text but accidentally open a program that showed it to me. This is what she wrote and I quote...

"Thanks for not answering. That's really mature and looks great for you."

I got a good chuckle out of that one. She is still not thinking straight.

Working on Plan B letter and don't think I can find another IM, really don't think anybody else would pick and take my kids back to her.